Snackie’s World

July 2nd, 2009

When Shawn and I first separated, we only did so in real life. What I mean to say is that for quite some time, we were still “friends” on social media sites like Facebook and and Twitter. A couple of weeks ago, after we had what I consider to be some really hard but necessary talks towards closure, we decided that for now it would be better not to have access to each others’ Facebook pages and stuff like that. The reasons behind this decision were healthy and vast but when it comes right down to it, only catching a glimpse of someone’s life in that manner can sometimes cause more harm than good. An innocent stalking by a silly little girl led to feelings of jealousy and insecurity. A bunch of random images and status messages left me wondering why he never did those same fun things with me. Cryptic posts and phrases had me questioning every aspect of his new life while crying almost nightly over the fact that he had apparently gotten over me with such ease that the divorce didn’t hurt him one little bit. To summarize, I let my imagination fill in blanks that didn’t need that much filling in the first place.

In other words, I made assumptions.

I’m not going to beat myself up over it because it’s not like we all don’t do it from time to time. We read little snippets here and there or overhear parts of conversations and immediately we are sure that we know exactly what is going on. People don’t tell us everything all of the time so we do our own little crazy jobs of filling in the blanks, sometimes with good information but mostly with bad. It’s one of those things that tends to happen no matter how hard we try not to let it. Sometimes it seems like the only way to gain some composure and jump the hell off of the crazy train is to walk away and not look back. You know, give each other some space and hope that once time heals the deep wounds that the little things won’t matter so much anymore.

In general, I don’t always tell people exactly how I am feeling the same way that I used to. This seems to be making my life a bundle of nerves lately and I’m not sure that I actually like it that much. Um, duh. Sitting on the cusp of having so many things to say to so many people isn’t easy, especially when I’m not sure which way I want to go with it. I’ve been picking my battles, well aware that the raw divorce emotions probably magnify everything else to a point that molehills are mountain ranges. I’ve been trying things differently by keeping my mouth shut as best I can. Sometimes when things get to be too much and my insides feel like they are going to explode from a nervous little bomb, I cryptically allude to things that bother me either here on on Twitter. Lately, I’ve been trying my hardest not to even do that because when I do, I have to deal with people thinking that I am talking about them.

In other words, they make assumptions.

A fine mixture of ego and paranoia resides deeply inside of me so trust me, I am not being judgy when I say this but uh….before you assume someone is talking about you, think about how much importance you actually have in their every day lives. Seriously, I mean…that’s not just advice that I am giving to you in order to be a bitch but it’s something that I too have to struggle to remember almost all of the time. It’s extremely easy to take another person’s cryptically snide remarks and associate them with your own life. I mean hell, half of the things people say under the guise of allusion make my tummy turn just a bit because I’m sure, if only for a split second, that they are so totally talking about me. Except you know what? Usually they’re not. Not at all. Also, if they are? Well then that’s their problem because if they have something to say to me, they should just say it. Otherwise, I’m not going to spend my life wondering who holds issues with me and when they may say something.

Honesty doesn’t come with a layaway plan.

Part of me has been struggling with tying this post all together but I think the general gist of my stream of consciousness here is this: if something online makes you feel squiffy whenever you read it, you probably should stop reading it. If there are people in your everyday real lives that have you questioning what they are doing because you only get glimpses and phrases? Perhaps you should stop paying attention to that mess and start focusing on other things. When it comes right down to it, even though I miss knowing what Shawn is up to and being able to have “one-line conversations” with him on Facebook, it was a good decision to walk away from a situation that caused much more hurt and drama than it should have. Getting part of the story sucks, especially when your emotions are so tied up in something that you overanalyze every word. Assuming that you know what someone is thinking or doing sucks even more. Even still, don’t beat yourself up for being human. I know that I don’t.

Rambly Twisty Kookaburra Kisses,
Me

Posted in Divorce Girl, Emotional Technology, Hilly's Life 2009 | Comments (39)

July 1st, 2009

The other day I was hanging out with Britt and Teen Dream, Faiqa. It was a lovely day full of lunch, laughs, shopping in a quaint little town, deep conversations in the middle of the park and oh yeah, licking garlic mayonnaise off of our gay waiter Sean’s little body. You know, stuff like that. After driving around for an hour (or so it felt like) in order to find a place to get a nummy iced coffee, we finally settled on Dunkin’ Donuts because well, it was open and had a drive-thru. We pulled up to their poor excuse of a menu and tried to make heads or tails out of their sugar-free coffee drink selection. The menu was worn and sure, it listed every type of bagel and donut special out there but when it came to what exactly came in the iced coffees, there were no details.

Faiqa was in the driver’s seat so she got stuck asking all of the questions:

Faiqa: Yeah hi, what flavor sugar-free syrups do you have”
Me from the passenger seat: I think their coffees are flavored, so they are all sugar free.
Drive Thru Dude: We have caramel, vanilla, almond, hazelnut, almond, vanilla, caramel
Me: Did he just list those backwards and forwards?
Car: *giggle giggle giggle*

Faiqa then tried to order all of our coffee drinks…

Faiqa: Okay I’ll have a large sugar free caramel iced coffee. Oh wait, I’ll have another one of those.
Drive Thru Dude: Okay so that is two MEDIUM sugar-free caramel iced lattes?
Faiqa: Okay and I’ll have….wait, do you NOT have large?
Drive Thru Dude: Yes, ma’am…we have large.
Faiqa: Okay well those two were SUPPOSED to be larges.
Britt from the backseat: Wait, what do they put in it? Ask him. Is it creamer?
Car: *giggle giggle giggle*

Faiqa asks the question and Drive Thru Dude starts to get impatient with us.

Faiqa: Okay so I want cream in the one and skim milk in the other.
Drive Thru Dude, in an exasperated voice: Yeah, anything else?
Car: *giggle giggle giggle*

Faiqa then ordered her coffee and all the specialty whizbangs that went with it.

Drive Thru Dude, not even attempting to hide his disdain: Yeah, anything else (venom venom venom)?
Car: *giggle giggle giggle*

We drove forward and paid the man. We may have been a bit obnoxious, giggling over the fact that we seemed to have given him such a hard time and joking about finding jizz or loogies in our drinks. Faiqa overheard them making fun of us as well and that made us laugh too. Once we finally had our drinks, I could hear the girl in the place, saying something nasty about us in a mimicking voice…

So I did what any other good little American consumer would do…

I yelled, “Hey, you really shouldn’t make fun of your customers!”

Faiqa was mortified and tried to kick her car into drive but failed miserably when she hit neutral instead. They both were like, “oh God, oh God, get us out of here” but the car seemed stuck in the moment. Yanno, I’d been casually flippant, not bitchy. The Drive Thru Dude even took it in stride and laughed then attempted to explain away their actions. We drove off, laughing like hyenas….them because I think they were embarrassed and me because I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.

Then I said, “Hey Faiqa, pull over into that parking space. I want to go inside and tell him that he did it wrong!”

Needless to say, she did not.

Here’s the thing though…we weren’t being *that* obnoxious and rude. In fact, we were light hearted and doing our best with the menu that was given to us. The responsibility of knowing what each drink and food item is does not fall upon the customer…it is up to the company to provide that information and to do it with friendly customer service.

However, it seems to me that customer service is almost a shadow of the past these days. I’m not talking about just Dunkin’ Donuts anymore when I say this…customer service has almost ceased to exist and I want it back. I’m tired of people who are annoyed to be doing their fucking jobs. I’m disgusted by how many times I’ve had to listen to people talk about their personal love lives while I wait for them to take care of me, the customer.

I hate to use absolutes and I most certainly, at age 37, don’t want to be the crotchety old broad talking about “kids today”, however it does seem like a “generation thing” most of the time. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times I’ve had to deal with younger employees being less than professional. I can still recall the time I had to ask this young girl who was sucking on a lollipop and discussing to sexual nature of her date to please shut the fuck up and bag my groceries. I can’t even count on one finger the amount of times I’ve had to listen to the girls at The Gap or Lane Bryant discuss personnel matters while ringing me up. Look, it’s fascinating to me that BayBay is now working Tuesdays because she hates Lara but at the same time, I don’t care nor should I know that all of this is going on behind the scenes.

Before my few younger readers get all upset with me, it’s not just the disaffected youth that act this way. What is with people that don’t even say, “Hi and how are you today?” while ringing up your purchases? Is it that fucking hard to just say hello? I mean, sure, you’re going to talk to the person you work with in about ten seconds and ignore me completely anyway but at least acknowledge me before you treat me like crap.

When I was younger and worked in food service and/or retail? None of the behaviors I see today would have been tolerated, let alone excused. I remember being sixteen years old, working my first job at Togo’s. Even though the bulk of us working there were all teens and all friends, we never ever ever discussed our personal lives in front of customers. Ever. In fact, this holds true for every job I’ve had. There’s a certain level of politeness, appropriateness, and service that one must give when you know, working in a fucking service industry. Also, I’ll tell you what….I would have never talked to my Dunkin’ Donuts Drive Thru babes as if they were the most stupid and annoying women on the planet. Sure, I may have thought it and said something later but never to their faces.

Do people just want to do less? Is this about doing as little as one can to just skate by? Is it wrong that I am so tickled at the rarity of *good* customer service that I actually speak to managers and give commendations when I *do* get it? I mean, hi…shouldn’t good service be the norm?

The burden of customer service lies with companies and the individuals that work there, end of story. No, an employee should never have to take certain amounts of crap but come on, they should at least try their best.

Shaking My Fist At The Neighbor Kids And Calling Them “Sonny” Kisses,
Me

Posted in Hilly's Life 2009, Random Schmandom | Comments (75)

June 29th, 2009

Hey everybody! Thanks for playing along last week during the Blog Reader Appreciation schmegeggie! It took me longer than expected but I have finally done all of the prize drawings and am ready to announce the winners. But first…how are the winners determined? Did I use a hat and cut out little names? No sillies, thanks to the fine folks over here, I was able to make a list of everyone who entered, hit the “randomize” button and voila…the first name I saw became the winner! Ta-daaaaaaa!

Okay yeah yeah, on with the show….

1.) Logitech QuickCam for Notebooks is awarded to the one, the only the “possum of awesome”…

SYBIL LAW

Now she can get her ass on Google Talk and show me a good time!

**********

1.) A one month gift subscription to Netflix most ironically goes to…

ROBIN (AKA BELLAVENTA)

You see, I was trying to find my “invite a friend to try Netflix for one free month” email to forward to Robin last month. However, my effort was full of failsauce.

**********

2.) A $25.00 gift card for BocaJava Online OR a “Hilly Made Coffe Care Package of Awesome” goes to…

TRIVIA LEGEND B.E. EARL

Looks like he’ll have something to drink while destroying me at Daily Trivia!

**********

3.) A $25.00 gift certificate to Amazon.com most deservedly goes to…

MB FROM WHY THE WEIGHT?

Seriously, you guys…her name came up 2nd in pretty much every other drawing. It seems fitting that she finally win one!

**********

4.) A $50.00 Visa Debit GiftCard (which is the secret prize from my sick day) goes to…

FINN

It wonder if it is proper for me to make her drive up here and get it?

Congratulations to all of the BIG PRIZE WINNERS! Everyone who lost, do it gracefully and congratulate these fuckers wonderful people. But wait, there’s more! Remember how I said there would little teeny door prizes? Well this just in: Sheila (Charm School Reject, if you’re nasty) has won the awesome AirZooka, donated by the also awesome Avitable. Also, Angie (AWLN) won SNL: Best of Will Ferrell, Volumes 1 and 2! Congratulatons to you ladies as well.

Holy crapballs, this post is linky.

Anydoodle, as if this post couldn’t get any longer…the original contest on the second day of Appreciation Week was originally a quiz about how well you all know me. Due to whiny ass shit and giving into it because I was sick, that quiz was pulled. However, I did tally up the answers from those who did it and big surprise, Miss Britt is the winner deluxe in that department. I’m going to give her a prize too…yep, she gets to hang out with me all of the time. Wow, what a gift! Ahem. I mostly kid. What I WILL give her is what she wanted and that is for me to post the answers to that Hilly Quiz! So if you are so inclined, come with me under the jump and see how well you did or would have done.

To the rest of you who don’t give a fuck about getting to know me better? Thank you so much for your continued support and I hope this next year brings us all something special. Remember this…don’t sweat the small stuff and as I said on Twitter…someone is going to dislike *something* that you do all of the time. The trick is learning not to give a fuck.

And now, on to the answers…

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Blog Reader Appreciation Week, Bloggy Participation | Comments (54)

June 28th, 2009

Ladies and Gentledudes, please forgive me for abandoning Snackie Sunday for almost a month! Once I decided that I wasn’t going to blog anymore unless I completely felt like it, I threw all of my Sunday “responsibility” out of the window, took my top off and danced a little jig. In any case, as of today, Snackie Sunday is BACK in its original glory and will be here every week, barring major plans, tragedies and/or emotional breakdowns. Heh.

Anydoodle, as we all know, the last weeks have seen the passing of a few celebrities including Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. I don’t find any of their lives or deaths to be more important than the other because hello, they were all people with souls, hearts and minds and to honor one more than the other seems kind of tacky to me. HOWEVER, one of them sang and because of that, this question exists.

With that said, it’s time for…..

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MICHAEL JACKSON SONGS?

I asked this question on Twitter the night that MJ passed away and was reminded of a few that I otherwise would have forgotten so my list is expanded. My very very very favorite Michael Jackson song is, of course, Thriller. Every time I hear that song, I want to get up and dance (in fact, last Halloween a few of us did just that!). It’s not only a song, but also a theatrical production of sorts.

My other favorite songs include: Pretty Young Thing (PYT), I Just Can’t Stop Loving You, Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough, Smooth Criminal, Rock with You and yes…Ben.

Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough Kisses,
Me

Posted in Snackie Sunday 2009 | Comments (33)

June 26th, 2009

I’ve been metaphorically running around all week, writing posts and hosting contests that were all geared towards you, my readers. I stopped living in my own head for a few days and focused on not only having fun here on my blog but also on my stupid ear infection and trying to make it better. For two days, I obsessively watched season one of Friday Night Lights and am now ready to start the second. Even though I’ve been present online and have had to answer some pretty tough questions, I’ve still not felt that same connection with my blog that I do when I come here all teary and full of angst. In all honesty, it’s been a different type of feeling this week and maybe that’s a good thing.

When you open up your life for all to see, people have things to use against you. You catch people talking about you when they accidentally send a message to the wrong person. You catch yourself dealing with the vulnerability in ways that you are not proud of, like maybe getting way too worked up over someone else’s business that has absolutely nothing to do with you. You watch yourself get too caught up in other people’s drama and lives because it takes away from dealing with your own. In other words, your escape plan actually becomes shackles and chains and the worst part is that it’s generally self-inflicted. I don’t think I’m proud of how much I’ve been into hearing about and talking about other people’s fucking drama lately. In fact, I’m declaring a moratorium on submersing myself into these situations that take away from the life that I should be focusing on….mine. This isn’t spawned by something in particular, rather moments of quiet reflection while waiting for ear drops to do their bidding. Also, this isn’t some grand apology or self-flagellation, rather just an acknowledgment that I’m aware of some of my recent shortcomings and am doing everything possible to flip the switch.

My life seems to be ever-growing and ever-changing, doesn’t it?

This morning I woke up, hoping and praying that my ear would be better however, nope. In fact, I’m now all hot and dizzy and oogy but yanno, whatever. As I washed my teeth and brushed my face, I realized that today was my offical weigh-in day. As I rolled my eyes in the back of my head, I stripped out of my boojamas and hit the scale. The room felt all spinny as I waited for the number to finally show up on the screen…then I gasped.

Since moving to Florida, I have lost 12 pounds. Since the beginning of 2009, I have lost 17 pounds.

At first, I cheered. Quite shortly after that, I almost started beating myself up that I’d not done more in the last six months. I quickly talked myself off of that ledge when I realized that for the first time in two years, I’m actually showing a net loss halfway through the year rather than a gain. Of course, right after that, I reminded myself that this was all weight I had put on in the last two years so why did I deserve to be happy about the net loss?

Lastly? I slapped myself and told my fucking neurotic brain to get the hell over it.

Word.

Do you realize that this is the first year in two years that I’ve shown a net loss halfway through the year? Oh wait, of course you do because I’ve now said it twice. However, the gravity of that? Wow…just wow. I’ve got a head start on the rest of the year and even if I only take off 17 more? At least that is something. It’s something more than what I’ve been able to do in the last few years so you know, something must be right.

Something about this new life must be okay.

Even when I’m homesick or marriage sick, I must be truly living and working towards happiness. My body is the tell-tale sign of moods hidden beneath layers and layers of protection. My eating disorder and preclusion to binge let me know when I am miserable, scared, or even a bit too manic. Lately, eating has been more of a necessity than an actual hobby, which is a very good thing.

I’ve been trying so hard to get through a blog entry without crying and yet today, I am not able to do so. Sure, I am sick and miserable and my body is stiff from not being able to work out but that’s not it. Nay nay, I am tearing up because I think everything is going to be okay.

And that might be the first time I’ve said it that I actually believe it.

Hilpreciation Kisses,
Me

*PS - You can enter any of the last three Blog Appreciation contests until Saturday night at midnight. I’ve added a day because I am not feeling well enough to do the drawings yet.

Posted in Emotional Technology, Hilly's Life 2009, Redefining Hilly | Comments (35)

June 25th, 2009

As I may have mentioned yesterday and the day before (yanno, in bold face font), this is Blog Reader Appreciation Week and the hot madcap action continues today! This week is all about me appreciating the hell out of you and the rewards rock the cock! Some of you are lurkers, some readers who pass by once and again, some regular commenters and blog friends for years, and others who have wormed their way into my everyday life and have become my dearest friends. No matter how long we’ve known each other or how well we know each other, I am here to tell you that ALL of you matter. Without each and every one of you, this would just be Hilly’s Blog, not the wonder that is Snackie’s World because hi….a “world” needs a diversity of cool people running around and shit.

Blog Reader Appreciation Week

You may recognize this post as being almost identical to the one I did last year at this time. First of all, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a severe ear infection yesterday so my creativity level? Pretty much non existent. However, I also love the idea of giving you a place to make your voices heard (as I just mentioned like three seconds ago). Therefore, that’s what today is all about here in my crazy little cupcake den of whoredom.

Sometimes we all want to vent and just say something to someone that they really need to hear. Well okay, maybe it’s something that we really need to say, but common senses dictates that we hold it in and zip the fucking lip. I know that in a perfect world, we’d say whatever we want to to whomever we want to but yanno, it’s not always cool or necessary to do so. It may surprise you to know that I actually hold a lot inside of me when writing this blog. I know that people from various sections of my non-net life read and there is only so much I want them knowing about me. I also know that Shawn still reads my blog as do some of his friends and family so I tread lightly on the subject of divorce. Oh you may *think* I talk about it a fuckton but no, I talk about my emotions on the subject, not the details. I find myself doing this in everyday life a lot too because I don’t just blab out everything I want to, contrary to popular belief! But it can get frustrating, can’t it? Not having a place to put that random shit out there by saying what you want to say?

Well fear no more, cause I am totally down for you! Today I want you to let it rip! Is there something you are just dying to say to someone, negative or positive? Would you prefer to not have to name that person but just freaking be able to say it? Here’s the deal….go ahead and say whatever it is that you need to say here, no questions asked. You can say direct your statements or keep them generalized. In a way, this is like the Confession Booth posts in that you can use your real name when you comment or you can comment anonymously….just remember that pesky auto-fill if you want to be anonymous! Also, just like the Confession Booth posts, I will probably post anonymous statements in the comments as well. Shit, a woman needs to appreciate herself too!

In case you are confused, here are some examples of the things that I want to say to certain people out there…

1.) It’s not always funny, you know. Sometimes it’s just plain mean and offensive.
2.) I think about you from the moment I wake til the moment I sleep. I hope that changes one day.
3.) Your disappearance and the fact that you “disowned” me? Yeah, not phased.
4.) I don’t deserve to be labeled as “a mistake”.
5.) You’re a backstabbing, evil coward. Every time I see your picture, I want to smack your avatar.
6.) I’m pretty sure conversations take place when two people get to speak, not one.
7.) I’m not fooled by your sweet words. You’re a total man whore.
8.) You’re not funny. Not at all. Seriously, stop thinking that you are.
9.) I’m not sure where I’d be without the love of TNT.
10.) We’re totally going to have sex one day. You just don’t know it yet.*

And there you go…that’s how it’s done. So please, have at it…vent away by saying exactly what it is that you want to say!

Oh and the prize? Well, each person who comments today will be once again entered into the randomizer to win a super secret special prize. What? No, no it’s NOT because I am too sick to think up the prize today. Ahem. No no, it’s because I want this to be all mysterious and have you compete for what is behind door three! Ahem. Anydoodle, it’s all you, cats and kittens!

Cryptic Is What We Do Best Kisses,
Me

*Inside joke, people…inside joke.

Posted in Blog Reader Appreciation Week, Cryptic | Comments (110)

June 24th, 2009

Before we begin today, I just want to say that there was a totally different post up here as of midnight last night and yes, I ripped it down. I got a ton of feedback from comments and especially in email that were uh, less than positive. Apparently, asking your readers to answer questions about you? Not appreciative enough. Apparently making people work to get prizes? Not cool. Of course, I totally disagree but since it is APPRECIATION week, I will let all of that slide and uh, talk about it later. For now, you get the same contest but now will totally different ways to enter! Go me!

Anydoodle, thank you to everyone who replied to yesterday’s very first Blog Reader Appreciation Week post! Congratulations, you’ve managed to put your name into the hat full of win (and a Logitech Quickcam Pro)! If you somehow didn’t see yesterday’s giveaway and/or didn’t have time to comment, you can still add your name to the list up until Friday night at 11:59 pm Pacific Daylight Time.

Yes, I do know that I live on Eastern Time now but I still know what it’s like to be situated on the Best West Coast, so whatevs.

So, today I’d like to keep on showing my appreciation for my readers my hosting a little contest! Oh riiiight, like you thought I’d make it easy every day? The good news is that there are three, count them…1-2-3 prizes associated with today’s contest (because yanno, it’s kinda hard). The prizes are as follows:

1.) A one month gift subscription to Netflix (the 3-At a Time program). As mostly everyone knows, Netflix is a great service for having movies delivered right to your mailbox with no muss, no fuss. Also, if you have a Tivo, you can watch movies instantly through the Netflix/Tivo partnership. Lastly, if you are already a member of Netflix, you can apply the cost of this gift subscription to your memebership and get one month free!

2.) A $25.00 gift card for BocaJava Online. I know that Gevalia is the most popular coffee delivery website however I have always preferred Boca Java! They have coffees, teas, cocoas, coffee makers and just about anythinng else that would make high tea or coffee time absolutely perfect. If you’d rather have me send you a “Hilly made” care package? We can arrange that too. I’m so flexible, dude.

3.) A $25.00 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Yes, this prize is the most generic but it is also practical. I mean, if you want to tell me what you want and have me ship it to you, I totally will but I think the gift card is your best bet! I mean gift certificate. Whatver, look…it’s Amazon, people. They are here to take over the world one book, movie or cd at a time! Nevermind the fact that they are going to totally take over everything and we’ll have no more “Mom and Pop” shops and and and…oh wait, I don’t care.

Now then, what do you have to do in order to win one of these prizes? The answer is simple!

Every time I host one of my “Confession Booth” posts, someone chimes in and says that I should an advice column. Yeah, I feel like a doucheburger having said that because yanno, whenever someone writes about how everyone else thinks they are awesome in some way, I shudder. Meh, but still…that advice column thing always tickles me. So here’s the deal…

In order to be eligible for today’s winnings, you must do one of two things…

1) Ask me any question about ME that you’d like answered.
Curious to hear my thoughts on a subject about my own life? Ask away! Just like last year*, I will answer honestly and as quickly as possible!

2) Ask me any question about you and your life that you’d like answered.
Here is where the “advice column” comes in. Do you want advice and don’t know where else to turn? I’m your girl!

Now then, the best thing about today’s contest, besides the prizes? If you feel like asking these questions anonymously, you can go ahead and do so! That’s right…I won’t even make you put your real name on it if you don’t want to! See what a giver I am?

So once again, good luck! Everyone that asks a question will be put into the randomizer at the end of the week and will be eligible to win one of those three prizes above!

Contest Changing Kisses,
Me

* Wow, it is crazy looking at some of those questions and answers…what a difference a year makes.

Posted in Blog Reader Appreciation Week, Bloggy Participation | Comments (120)

June 23rd, 2009

Hello my lovelies! It’s time once again for Blog Reader Appreciation Week here at Snackie’s World! I have no idea where the time has gone (because really, it’s been a year?) but once again it is time to show all of you how much I love you. In fact, I’ve made a video to get things started…

In case you can’t watch the video for some odd, sppoky, ooky and kooky reason, here is the basic gist: It’s Blog Reader Appreciation Week and the next three days are SO all about you! We’re having three days worth of giveaways and contests then I will announce all winners on Friday evening! Even if you don’t need the prize being given away today or any other day, you definitely still want to enter for two reasons.

1.) You can always re-gift your winnings (oh please, like we don’t all do it) and/or have a giveaway yourself!
2.) There are secret little consolation prizes being carefully chosen right now and you never know, you may win one of those as well!

No matter what, this is meant to be fun! So yay, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Today’s giveaway prize is a Logitech Quick Cam pro for Notebooks. You can read all about it on Amazon or wherever you choose but whatever, it’s a neat little webcam that is geared for notebooks. Here’s the cool thing…you can also use it with a desktop computer! I have a flat screen monitor and either clip my webcam or use the stand that comes with it for the hot video action. Okay, I kid…most of my video action is used to make video messages to send to people and/or to chat. Oh yes, did I mention that now you can video chat if you win this? Score!

Okay, so what do YOU have to do in order to be entered to win this very first prize in the Snackie’s World Blog Reader Appreciation Week Bonanza? It’s simple, really. There are three ways in which you can enter!

1.) Leave a comment here. You don’t even have to do much work. Just say hi, tell me what your favorite flower is, tell me your favorite color, tell me something random…whatever, I don’t care as long as you let me know that you were here and tell me something random about yourself.

2.) Share this post on Twitter or Facebook to let others know that the Giveaway exists! If you do that, please leave a second comment here letting me know that you did.

3.) Link back to this contest in one of your blog posts. Hopefully the trackback system will let me know that you did so but if not, please come back and leave yet another comment here letting me know what you’ve been up to.

If you want to do one, two or all of these things at once and you only want to leave one comment? Well that’s all good too, my dears. I’m easy like a Sunday morning but NOT like a hooker on Friday evening. Word.

As I said, the winner will be revealed Friday evening here on my blog so have fun and may the best commenter who gets picked by randomizer after I blindly enter names and have someone else pick them out of a hat…win!

Appreciative Kisses,
Me

Posted in Blog Reader Appreciation Week, Hilly's Life 2009, Video Posts | Comments (64)

June 22nd, 2009

I hung up the phone, sobbing hysterically. It had been a very long time since I cried so hard that I sounded just like a teenage girl who had been dumped for her very first time. Usually in moments like these, I’d find solace in my pillow and perhaps a pint of ice cream. The tears never stopped and I found myself reaching for the phone.

“Hi…*cry cry, sob sob, sniff sniff*…are you busy?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I…*cry cry, sob sob, sniff sniff, gobbeldy gook*….maybe I should call you back when I am done crying.”
“We’ll be right over.”

My friends were at my side within minutes, holding me while I cried so hard that I thought my heart would surely beat right out of my chest. There were no words to describe what I felt. I vaguely remember trying to piece together phrases and thoughts regarding the current stage of my separation and impending divorce. I muttered something about being alone, being scared that I lost my one real love and other things that I cannot even remember now. They just sat there, stroking my hair and rubbing my back. When the tears finally stopped, she told me a joke and he walked out of my guest bathroom with his nuts hanging out of his pants. Drama and tears be damned…we’re about making each other laugh too.

They left soon after, knowing that I’d be okay even if my night consisted of more tears and incoherent thoughts. I took some Benadryl to open up my snotty crybaby nasal passages, some Buspar to calm whatever nerves I had left and a Trazodone in the hopes that it would shut of my brain and allow me to sleep. Nothing seemed to work as I cried my way in and out of consciousness, spending most of my night “sleeping” on the couch. I dreamed of my teeth falling out. I dreamed that every time I called Shawn, he couldn’t hear me, no matter how loudly I yelled. I dreamed that my cat could talk and in that dream he told me to chill the fuck out and smoke a bowl. You would think my cat would know better than anyone that this chick doesn’t actually smoke the Mary Jane.

Eventually the morning came and with it, my inability to sit still. When I tried to sit at my computer for any length of time, I felt all irritable and hot. I cleaned my kitchen but that annoyed me too. In an effort to find relaxation, I flipped through perfectly good shows sitting on my DVR yet declared each of them “lame” and got up again. I talked to my Dad for a bit, cleaned the bathroom, tried the computer and TV numerous times and yet still…nothing seemed to make my insides stop hurting and feeling like they were on pukey fire. With every song or television show that I could watch, tears streamed some more.

He called again that evening and more tears streamed down my face after I’d hung up the phone. I reorganized my files in my computer. I actually paid attention to my LastFM page then realized how many love songs I’d played in one day. I tried to drink water, coffee, soda and cocoa in order to find something to make my stomach still yet really, nothing worked.

I avoided writing because I didn’t want to come off as some sad sack woe-bag who is constantly starring in Battlestar Dramatica. I stared at my blog for hours upon hours, not knowing what to say if I couldn’t say what I was really thinking. I mean, no matter how many times I say that I am fine in general, how easy is it to believe me when all I write about here is how sad and lost I am? I’ll tell you how easy it is…very.

People don’t generally come to their blogs and produce good material when things are going really well. In my case, when life is good, I am out living it and not overanalyzing it enough to write about it. Pretty much 80% of my life is good. Day in and day out, I am positive and am doing the damned best I know how to start over again without him. As I said to my Dad earlier in today, I’m losing weight, working, meeting new friends and getting closer to old ones, and am pretty much happy-go-lucky whenever anyone sees me.

However, I am going through a divorce. I lost a man that I don’t know how to stop loving…not just yet. I miss my husband and I miss what we had in the beginning. I mourn the loss of our marriage now and again. I’m sad at times and you know what? When I am, I write. It’s what I do to alleviate all of the ickiness inside of me. My words are my creative way of slowly letting the air out of the high pressure situations inside of me. When all is said and done, writing is my best sedative. Just because I write in a weak moment doesn’t mean I’m always weak. Remember that when you judge someone for what you see on their pages….we, as writers, only let you in as far as we want to. What you see here on my blog? It’s certainly not all of me nor will it ever be.

As I sit here waiting for fatigue to finally take me over, I’m hesitant to say too much more…not because I don’t want to but because I don’t need to. I’ve written enough to make some of my discomfort go away and yanno, tomorrow is a new day. I’m not sure what it will bring but the good news is that no matter how hard it is? I can face it. I always face it and make it through, even if I have to use my very own version of sedatives.

True Kisses,
Me

Posted in Divorce Girl, Emotional Technology, Hilly's Life 2009 | Comments (33)

June 21st, 2009