June 8th, 2008

100 Things

1. It takes a miniature piece of nothing to annoy me, but it takes a whole helluva lot to actually make me angry. Once you’ve pissed me off that badly, it’s hard to repair the damage that’s been done.

2. Conversely, I am extremely loyal. Once I take you into my crazy little patchwork heart, you are forever in there and I will protect, defend, love and do right by you pretty much forever. Even if you are an asshole, I will still stand by your side then tell you later that I think you were being an asshole.

3. Although it doesn’t seem like it, I am pretty picky about who I am really close friends with. I love everyone and have a level of friendship that goes along with that but the one thing I must have in order to share all of me with you? The ability to trust you.

4. Even though I pretend not to be, sometimes I am jealous of people for being better, prettier or smarter than I.

5. I’ll often tell someone exactly what I think about them, even if I know it kinda freaks them out. The thing about that is…you have to listen to my words and not try to find hidden meaning. I don’t do “hidden meaning”….I’ll just tell you what I need to tell you.

6. Number five is partially a lie (heh). There are some things I don’t tell some people because I don’t know how to say them or if I should. This isn’t often, but sometimes….

7. I sometimes question whether or not people really like me or if they just pretend to because we have mutual friends in common.

8. I keep everything that everyone has ever given me…this includes cards, gifts, mementos, etc. I also have a very succinct filing system for these things, which borders on “anal”.

9. I find it much easier to be friends with men than with women. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule but throughout life, I have always been into men….yanno, as friends ;). Well as other stuff too but I don’t think that applies in this section of the “100 Things”.

10. I’m pretty sure that I love you more than you love me….but that’s okay. I don’t love with contingencies and ultimatums…..my heart opens as wide as it wants to and accepts how much or how little you can give back. Also, the fact that I am convinced of this is really telling of other things….hell, people probably do puffy heart me as much as I do them but they just show it differently. I am well aware that could very well be the case 75% of the time.

11. I have a programmable coffee maker and yet….I never program it. Add to that the fact that I get pissy that I have to make coffee any morning and you have a big “WTF” in a cartoon bubble that looms over my head!

12. When and if I get to eat pie….I eat it backwards, crust part first. I like to save the gooey middle for the very end since I like pie filling way more than I like crust.

13. I think that mayonnaise should be used sparingly and even then….never ever ever on a hot dog. Of course, I don’t think catsup belongs on a hot dog either. I am strictly a mustard kind of girl.

14. The same goes for milk…..I cannot tell you the last time I actually chose to drink a glass of milk just for the hell of it. Even if I dip cookies in milk, I toss the rest when it is done. Simply put, milk is a condiment and a compliment to coffee and cereal.

15. I hate lettuce. Yanno, *on* things but not in salad. There is no way in hell that lettuce should be put on anything hot, for fucks sake. This includes hot sandwiches, hamburgers, wraps, fajitas, and anything else you can think of. But even if it is a cold sandwich, I tend to order it with the lettuce on then pick if off it it is not to my specifications. One hint of it being slightly wilted and I will huck that lettuce onto my plate and declare, “I hate lettuce!” (apparently especially when I am drunk).

16. For all intents and purposes, I should be a vegetarian, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s not that I have a social conscience when it comes to eating animals like some people do. Nope, it’s the fact that meat fat of any kind makes me gag and get physically ill. I cannot eat dark meat anything because of that whole “juicy fat” factor. It’s for this reason that I stick to fish and white meat mostly because seriously…puke-o-rama on the gristle tip!

17. When I do use mayonnaise on a sandwich, it is because there are tomatoes involved. At that point, the mayonnaise only should go on the side of the bread where the tomatoes are. Any mustard should not touch the tomatoes, only the meat or cheese.

18. If I make a “square meal” with meat, starch and veggies, I always eat the veggies first. Then I tend to mix the meat with the starch, mostly. For example if eating “white meat” pork chops with garlic smashed potatoes, I swirl potatoes around the chop for extra fun and flavor. If I have chicken and rice, that shit gets all mixed together like I am 4!

19. I can’t start cooking if the kitchen is a mess, which is sort of stupid…I know. So what I do is clean the kitchen and do the dishes, then start cooking and mess it up all over again. I know it defeats the purpose but being in a dirty kitchen skeeves me out.

20. For someone who isn’t exactly uh….slender, I sure am picky about what I eat. You’d think that would make a difference but not so much. I mean shit…a girl can eat lots of Boudin Bakery goodness to make up for the shit she hates.

21. I don’t want to dislike you; it takes up too much of my energy. But I’ll do it and I’ll hold that grudge forever. Mind you, it’s not a typically “active grudge” but rather one that pretty much guarantees that I will never accept any part of you ever again no matter what you do.

22. I’ve never been a person who needs a babysitter for her emotions. I don’t need your attention all of the time, I try not to ask for much and I let you have all of the space that you want. I’m not needy but sometimes I want your attention and that’s when I’ll ask for it.

23. I cry when normal people wouldn’t. I’ll cry more if I think I’ve hurt you than if you’ve hurt me.

24. Despite all of the tears and wishy washy emotions, I’m much stronger than you know. I will fight to the death if it means I can protect my heart just one more day.

25. People think I’m an optimist; maybe I’m just a survivalist.

26. I’m the girl who gets the crushes on the boys who don’t feel the same way. You’d think knowing that would be half the battle, but uh…..

27. I’m drawn to people generally because of their outgoing nature, charm and sense of humor. However, it takes me a lot more to stay there. If a person can’t show me a little bit of “real” then I feel like they don’t respect or care about our friendship in the smallest bit.

28. I often think about the whole “Sliding Doors” concept when it comes to my life. I wonder “what if?” a lot but at the same time, never regret. It’s an odd and delicate balance.

29. I’m 36 years old and sometimes I still think, “Is there more? There has to be more….this just can’t be it.”

30. I’m compassionate to a fault. I seem to give leeway to people who I know pretty well. Hell, maybe it’s not giving leeway as much as it is just lowering my expectations of someone based on what I know about their history and what tolls that it has taken on them. I have to live by remembering that just because someone does not show me that they love me in the same manner that I would…it does not mean that they don’t love me the best that they can.
31. I take regular songs and use/abuse them by adding my own words to them ALL OF THE TIME. That little ditty up there at the beginning of the post? That used to be “She’s Crafty” by the Beastie Boys. Karl and I made a whole song about Dave and Artificial Duck set to the tune of Depeche Mode’s “One Caress”.

32. I’m always drinking out of two water bottles at the same time…one upstairs and one downstairs. It has nothing to do with being lazy but moreso with being forgetful.

33. I sleep with my own blanket. Sure, I share a bed with my husband but before I go to sleep each night, I take our comforter and move it to his side of the bed then I grab my smaller sized white down comforter that used to be on our guest bed and cover myself with that.

34. I watch an episode of The Simpsons every night before bed. When I am sort of feeling sleepy, I play one of my various recorded episodes and fall asleep while watching it. I have no idea why Homer Simpson makes me go night-night!

35. Once I meet and hang out with someone for awhile, they immediately get a nickname. Hell, sometimes I just have to know them online for that to happen. Still…I don’t think I have one friend that doesn’t have at least ONE nickname that I’ve given them, if not more.
36. I often do memes and posts and leave stuff out, like number six of this meme. Thanks to Jamie, I now have a number six, haha! Seriously though, I do that all the time. I end up editing my posts after they are live. I think my brain moves way too fast.

37.) When I am behind a driver from another state, say Arizona, I roll my eyes and bitch at how slow they are going. When I am behind a California driver, I roll my eyes and bitch about them being in such a fucking hurry. Bottom line? I bitch a lot when I drive.

38.) Speaking of driving, I’m not a honker. In fact, unless you are about to be hit by someone or hit *them*, the horn is useless. I hate it when people honk horns in bumper-to-bumper traffic. I am, however, a yeller/cusser. I won’t waste horn time on you, but you best believe I just called you a cock-snuggling assjacket after you cut me off!

39.) When I am truly dieting in “WW Nazi” fashion, I hate getting asked out to lunch or dinner. It’s like even though I know that I can order something healthy when I am out, I won’t. Sometimes I even find excuses *not* to go. Le sigh…did I mention my Dad is in town and we are having dinner with him tonight? Gotta go though, it’s my Dad.

40.) I’ve had sex with 22 people….yes, I *did* say twenty-freaking-two. I sort of blabbed it out on Fab’s radio show a few weeks ago, but thought I’d just announce my whoredom here. Sadly, almost all of those people except for three were “done” from the age 17-25.

41.) When I was about six years old, I got my right index finger slammed in the front door and the tip from the top knuckle up came completely off. They sewed it back on and gave me a splint….you can’t even tell to look at it, which is kind of odd and neat at the same time.

42.) I watch reruns of Wings every night before I go to sleep. Contrary to my self-proclaimed love-sex-crush thing for Tim Daly, that’s really not why I watch. Even all these years later, that show makes me laugh out loud due to the comedic timing of Tony Shalhoub and Thomas Haden Church.

43.) I know sign language. I may not be exactly fluent but I do know all the cuss words and enough to get by conversationally (even without the naughty lingo). I learned it when I worked for the California Relay Service for the Deaf.

44.) When I am home, I can’t fall asleep without the light of the TV flickering on and off but when I travel, I’m more content to sleep in the dark.

45.) I believe in common courtesy and get really offended and irritated when it doesn’t take place. For example, I cannot stand it when someone goes into a building before me and lets the door slam in my face rather than holding it open, especially if it is a man.

46.) I think a man should hold a door open for a woman. Of course, I also still think that I’m supposed to hold the door open for the elderly and give them my seat when there are none.

47.) I say “bless you” or some variation of it every damned time someone sneezes. When I lived in New York, it was drilled into my head that it is very rude not to….so I always have. Now *I* get torqued up if someone doesn’t say it.

48.) Although I don’t say anything regularly and probably never will except for here, I loathe it when people make fun of Jesus or God.

49.) I lost my virginity when I was 17. Oddly enough, it was lost during a week long sexual romp like I’d only heard of adults having! I was staying with a friend in New Jersey and somehow the whole week turned into a deflowering session.

50.) In grade school through high school, I took voice lessons from one of The Sound of Music cast members.

51.) If I were to live anywhere but here, I’d like it to be England.

52.) I’m equal parts “dog person” and “cat person”. If we lived in a bigger house with a yard and all that bull-hooey, we’d totally have a dog too. I’m partial to the friendly dogs like Labrador or Golden Retrievers.

53.) I have probably 50 pairs of panties in my underwear drawer yet cycle through the same 10 pairs over and over again. You’ll note that I’m always doing laundry so it’s no biggee :).

54). I hate it when people read me newspaper articles or online news stories aloud. I have no idea why this is but hearing someone read an article to me makes me all squiffy, restless and fucking annoyed. Ask poor Karl…every time he’s tried to read something to me, I’d get snippy and say, “Geez, URL please!”.

55.) I also get frustrated when people tell an hour long story before getting to the point. My story telling style is get the point, back it up with a fun story, then add my smartass closing remarks. I need to know if your story has a good point so I can decide whether or not to tune you out…geez!

56.) My favorite everyday breakfast food is a bagel with light cream cheese. However, were life full of weekend days and high metabolisms, I’d get the french toast every time.

57.) I tend to over-exaggerate everything…and I do mean EVERYTHING! Yesterday I “weighed 567.9 pounds”, “ate like 400 sticks of gum” and “had to read through more emails than anyone else in the whole world”. Yeah…stuff like that.

58.) I kind of hate hot tea. The only kind I will actually drink is the Good Earth Original tea and usually that is when I’m sick.

59.) Although I use the word “hate” a lot, I only use it when describing inanimate objects or celebrities (which are sort of inanimate in my mind). I don’t think it is right to “hate” people no matter how fucking lame and evil they may be.

60.) As a result of #6, I overuse the phrase “can’t stand’. I can’t stand this bitch or can’t stand that fucktard, etc.

61.) I overuse the word “seriously” too…both when talking and when writing. I can’t stand that about myself but I can’t stop because I’d probably keel over and die if I did. (See what I did there? Huh? Huh?)

62.) I can hold a grudge like a mother fucker. Granted they usually aren’t active grudges and I’m not usually screaming “vendetta” over and over again but in my mind, I spit on you! Again poor Karl will often ask me, “You’re still pissed off about that? That was like two years ago, Hilary”. Um, and? I know it’s not healthy but bring up someone’s name who I grudge on and I will go off on them forever (yikes!).

63.) I know a lot of secrets. For some reason, almost everyone tells me their deep dark secrets and I love it! I’m a true Scorpio in that I am nosy as all hell but take others’ secrets to the grave….hrm, maybe that is why people tell me! Oh and by the way, since I mentioned that I can be Grudgey McGrudgerpants…I never use someone’s secrets against them…ever.

64.) I get mad at people for doing the same exact shit that I do! Like when I am walking across a parking lot, I’ll mosey and say, “pssht, pedestrians have the right-a-way, snatch!” but when I am the one behind the wheel, I’ll say, “take your time you fucking bougie princess bitch-stain!”. Uh yeah, at least I recognize it!

65.) My favorite flower is the Gerbera Daisy, the brighter the better! I also love bougainvillea, gardenias, night blooming jasmine and lilies. I do not, however, like roses…not at all.

66. I can swallow lots of big pills at one time. Go ahead, get it out now…hardee har. Seriously though, I’ve seen people gag over taking an ibuprofen but *I* can put a whole bunch of big pills in my mouth and swallow them down all at the same time. No muss, no fuss…no gagging.

67. I sing in the car….like really sing. I don’t just mumble along with the song while muting myself when a car pulls up beside me. Nope, I sing as loudly and awesomely as I can, no matter who is around.

68. I wake up at 6:00am almost every damned morning, without an alarm. I have no idea why my circadian rhythm hates me, but it does. I’m one of those people that loves to stay up late (especially when partying or whatnot) but the shitty kicker is that I cannot sleep in to save my life. My eyes open every day as soon as it gets light out.

69. Therefore, it may come as no surprise that I love naps. Oh my squishy yummy goodness, I love sinking into bed to take a nice cat nap. But the best ones are those where I just fall asleep on the couch on a random Saturday afternoon….mmmm, nap.

70. I fall in love easily. Most people take years or at least *one of them* to fall in love. Not me. I’ve always had the capacity to fall fast and hard. I think it goes along with the overly keen sense of intuition that I’ve mentioned here before. I think I’ve always been a heartbreak waiting to happen because of this.

71. I’m not afraid to cry…in front of anyone. I don’t *get* holding in emotions and not being who you really are at any given moment. I let it all fly…hail the freak flag!

72. I actually DO laugh out loud at various emails, blog posts and especially chats. It sometimes unnerves me that I can’t hold it in while at work, but whatever. My boss usually just laughs at *my* laughter anyway!

73. Contrary to what might be popular supposition, when someone yells at me (like full-on screaming), I don’t yell back. In fact, I generally am so shocked that I’m silent, often holding back the tears. When someone calmly approaches me, even in an argumentative state, that is when I give as good as I get. But yeah, yelling makes the little Hilly cry.

74. I probably drink about 100oz. of water per day. Subsequently, I probably go to the bathroom 10.0 times a day (if not more). I’m not kidding here, either…

75. I fall asleep without taking off my makeup way too much. I’m not going to lie about it here…if I had a dollar for every night that I did not wash my face before bed? I’d be fucking rich….maybe enough to pay someone to wash it for me!

MORE TO COME SOON…..

Comments (1)

One Response to “100 Things”

  1. Mrs. F Says:
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    I just fell head over heels for you and am going to stalk you forever and ever and ever. Must go add you to my reader NOW!

    Mrs. Fs last blog post..In The Depths of Mindless Drivel

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