Snackie's Confession Booth - The June Files

Before I get started, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has emailed, called and posted comments of condolences.  Now, I am trying to get happy again so let's move on!

Awwww, what's the time?  It's time to get ill!  Say it, what's the time?  It's time to get ill!

Last month, you all made the Snackie Confession Booth a total success.  Over 90 people commented on the original confession booth post....truth be told, that's the most comments I've ever had (not that I'm a comment whore or anything!).  As I am trying desperately to find my way back to blogging after almost a week of being really sad,  I had a light bulb moment this morning that told me to bring back the booth to get all of our juices flowing!

So if you missed it last month, here is the deali-o, copied and pasted from last month's description:

So I got to thinking.....we need a good old, soul cleansing confessional here in the PRB.  Of course, if you want to talk about crazy things that have major psychological depth, Post Secret always loves to hear from people.  But what about the small stuff? Life's aggravations, accomplishments, random thoughts, and various other things that we never admit to anyone?  

Well, that is where the "Snackie Confession Booth" comes into play!  You are welcome to come here and confess to something, no matter how big or small.  If you want to get real deep and do so anonymously, I won't out you.  If you want to be "yourself" and talk about random stuff that you would just LOVE to confess, dig it....and then do it! 

Everyone is welcome!  In fact, tell your friends to swing by and let a load off of their chests, if only for a moment.  You can confess to one thing, two things or many things and can come by as many times as you like! 

IMPORTANT ADDITION: If you want to comment anonymously, please use a fake email address such as me@me.com and you can use www.snackiepoo.com as your URL or it will revert to the one y ou have used here before!

And just like last time, my confessions will be in comments and I will probably admit to a whole load of crap once you do....I don't know how many people I totally related to last time but there were tons!!!!

Trying To Find My Way Back To Blogging Kisses,
Me

Comments

[Hilly]

1. Right now I am having a hard time reading blogs where people are marinating in the same problem that they have been for as long as I've known them.

2. I lost 4.4 pounds at WI on Saturday then proceeded to eat a super-large Cold Stone creation.

3. I'm totally lost in my life right now.

4. If I could, then I would.....

[jodi]

1. my best friend just found she's pregnant and she's not going to keep it - while at the same time, i have a fear of being sterile and never having a child of my own...

2. some days i like running and some days i REALLY hate it...

3. i wish i could quit my job and move to the beach...

[furiousball]

1. my life is about have a life sized hole in it in 3 weeks

2. i don't know if i'm going to make it through #1

[shari]

~I'm supposed to be painting the house, but I'm blogging instead.

~Next, I think I'll nap in the sun and STILL not paint the house.

~I don't much like painting the house.

[jessica]

I have two very inappropriate crushes -- one on somebody from past, and one on somebody from my present. Though I'll never act on either of them, they make me smile and keep life interesting.

I totally just spent $250 on new bras / lingerie and charged it on my credit card, even though I intentionally left my cards at home... I had them look it up at Macy's. Cringe. I refuse to feel bad about it.

I love my job -- or do I? Perhaps i just love the lifestyle it affords me, and I'm nervous that I'll never want to work harder than this again... life is too pleasurable right now.

[Moody Today]

- I'm tired of reading blogs where people talk about other people all the time. I don't care what your mailman does or the person sitting next to you at work, I come to read about you.

- I've read that women can get acne when pregnant. We are trying to get pregnant. My face has been breaking out like I'm back to being a teenager. I wonder if I WAS pregnant, cause I got my period.

- I love being alone.

[Rick]

I keep telling myself I should get a real job, but it's hard to let go of the one that pays 2002 wages, lets me stay home, and demands absolutely nothing all week.

[Mr. Man]

-- I still think you are a stone cold fox who has me crushing big time.

-- I've not done any work all day because I have been bidding on a boat.

-- I'd like to tell the whiners off too.

[Hilly]

Jodi: Yeah, the baby thing would get to me, were I in your shoes.

FB: You know how much I am praying for you!

Shari: There is no way in the hell I could tell that about you!

Jessica: I totally feel you on number one...trust me.

Moody: I had to *snort* at the thing about the blogs....I am so "blog pissy" lately. Also, yes about being alone. I really prefer it as well.

Rick: I keep wondering if I should settle down at ONE job rather than contracting, so I feel you....not exactly but on the freedom aspect of it all.

Mr. Man: Why don't you get that boat then invite me for a ride. Then we'll see how brave you are to reveal a crush with your real name ;).

[Lost]

- I eat in secret. No one can figure out why I am so fat because they never see me eat, except regular meals.

- I hate myself, my life, and the fact that I've been a doormat all my life because I was too afraid to say no.

- I married my husband because I did not want to be alone. Now I do.

- If I wasn't married, I'd so jump Karl's bones.

[Jeff]

I spend way too much time reading blogs at work, and it bothers me because I'm pretty sure it affects my job performance. Duh.

[Patty]

Maybe no secrets but....
1) I'm dying inside cause I'm losing my best friend to cancer and can't accept it
2) I'm afraid of our debt and don't know whether to keep the house or sell it due to more expenses coming
3) I really don't like the area we live in and want to move but feel stuck
4) sometimes want to run away to Hawaii or something but know I can't, people depend on me
5) not sure if I'm living the life I was meant to.

Ok, a little deep today....

[Hilly]

LOST: If you ever feel like getting out of the secret closet, email me. I think we have way more in common than you think except I do NOT want to jump Karl's bones...but I have his phone number ;).

Jeff: Yeah, I hear ya...I do phone screens while reading blogs. Don't tell anyone.

Patty: That's what the booth is here for, right? Cleansing all of that shit out of us! I was thinking about Hawaii this weekend like "what if I could just pick up and move somewhere today?" I wanted it to be Hawaii, just for a little while until I calmed my nerves, LOL.

[diane]

All I can think to confess is that my job gives me nightmares but I'm totally addicted to the money and I'm terrified to even look anywhere else.
And it depresses me that this is pretty much what I confessed last time. :(

[Hilly]

Here are more of mine:

~ I secretly wish that I could just pack myself a cool assed RV and travel the USA for the next year, meeting people and seeing places. I have total wanderlust right now.

~ I had a dream about two seriously cute male bloggers fighting over me (one of them knows about it) and uh, seriously was not sorry I had that dream about either of them.

~ Money is changing everything. My life decisions are no longer based on what I want out of life, but rather on financial stability and even though that is responsible, I feel suffocated.

~ I pretend that I don't care whether certain people notice and like me, but I do care.

[me@me.com]

I also want to jump Karl's bones and can't.

[Jeni]

- When I meet people who aren't from Colorado, I usually lie and tell them I ski every winter just so I don't have to tell them why I don't.

- Sometimes my blog feels like one big piece of crap and I want to delete the entire thing

- I still haven't painted one wall in my house because I'm terrified I'll choose the wrong colors and it'll be ugly.

[Stuckinpurgatory]

1. I need to get out of my job more than I need oxygen right now. I have no future at this company and have been told that - and yet, I can't find a job in the city that my husband and I want to relocate to. I feel completely and utterly worthless.

2. I secretly wish that my husband made more money so that I didn't have to worry about number 1. But I know he's trying and I hate that I feel this way. And I hate that my job gives us more than enough money - so it makes it so hard to quit.

3. I honestly thinkg that if he had more moneyy, all of our problmes would be solved. I think that adage that money doesn't buy happiness is bullcrap. It may not buy happieness but it certainly relieves certain pressures.

[Stuckinpurgatory]

Sorry - I was watching "Babel" on DVD when I typed the last entry and that's why there are so many typos. :)

[jerseygirl]

1) My sister just got a job offer in another state and although I am happy for her and want her to follow her dreams, I secretly don't want her to leave

2) I am scared that I will be single and lonely forever

3) I'm not sure if I'm living the life I'm meant to or if I will ever have the guts to

4) I'm don't know if I really want to have kids but I'm also scared I will regret it when I'm older....I often think of just adopting

[Karl]

I wish I knew who wanted to jump my bones.

Also, I've been hitting the local bar several times a week, just trying to work up the courage to talk to women. But not.

[Lauren]

1. I think I'm in love with my (male) best friend, but that's ok cause I'll never act on it right?

2. My ex-boyfriend is getting married in July, and we are friends now, but I still feel sad about it, or I think I do. And no one will tell me if it's ok to feel this way or not and it makes me CRAZY

[The Insufferable]

Living with my ex-girlfriend drove me so batty that I went into a Howard Hughes-style depression, where I walked around all day in a bathrobe, unshaven and with long unclipped fingernails, eschewing other people. I was too ashamed to let any of my friends how low I was, though, so periodically I'd clean up and snap my public-relations persona into place and put on this great act that everything was fine with my life.

Two people who I thought were really good friends turned on me and sold me out, in a bad way -- there was about a week when I thought I was going to be arrested because of their (well, mostly his) schemes.

If I were a chick I would jump Karl's bones, and not just because I don't want to be the only one not jumping his bones, but because I imagine his bones are, indeed, eminently jumpable.

[Kentucky Girl]

I secretly love McDonald's cheeseburgers. But I usually don't eat the bun. Even so, I've still lost 23 lbs so I figure McDonald's can't be that bad even THOUGH I know the crap that is inside it.

I worry about finding a job once I get ready since I've kinda been out off the market for over a year.

I secretly want children but I don't want to admit it to my mother because she is so pushy.

I've got more, but I'll save them. :D

[suze]

Lauren - even though my ex-boyfriend and I had been over each other for years when he got married, I still cried a little on his wedding day. It's perfectly ok to feel that way...

I'm tired of dealing with the same shit over and over (both on my blog and in real life) yet I can't figure out how to get over this stupid brick wall I seem to be up against...

I want to run a marathon some day. Holy crap that scares me to admit...

[Bully]

I am at a stage in life where I seriously wonder what it is that is the matter with me, that I don't see what is going on around me. It makes you doubt what you view as reality.

I just realized that a guy at work who I have good energy with, was trying to hit on me...a year ago. Duh.

I just realized that sometimes when guys are all flirting with you, it's because they are secretly interested-- for real. Yikes.

I just realized, that I could have been wrong with how I viewed a co-worker who I thought was stealing...and now i feel like a fool. (Was I wrong? Really? Wasn't it supported by other people, too?)

I like feeling in control of my life, and I realize this week how much I am just surfing on a wave NOT of my own creating. It is creepy.

I want people to like me for who I am, and what I have to share, but Hilly's remark reminds me that all that sort of thing is really subjective. In exerting my own control in life, I also have to be willing to be Wrong, to be Blind about other people's motives, and to be Independant despite where the wave takes me. Yup, a conundrum.

[Hilly]

Diane: I am not sure that makes you sad....probably more stable than I am :).

me@me.com: Wow, this is the Karl show today!

Jeni: When I meet professional people through work and they ask me what my hobbies are, I sometimes lie too...ahem. I totally get it.

Stuckinpurgatory: The thing about money is that it is NEVER enough. It doesn't solve diddly BUT those feelings you have are normal normal normal...at least you can admit them!

Jerseygirl: I just had this discussion last night with someone...not living the life that I want to be living, wishing I had to guts to just do that. Sorry about your sister moving!

Karl: I need to come there and be your wing-woman! At least all of this loving here should give you some confidence, right?

Lauren: I've often been in love with a male best friend. In fact, that is how most of my relationships started....hrm. As far as feeling sad about the ex getting married - geez, that is TOTALLY ok!

Insufferable: I was so excited when another man commented cause I thought, "gee they won't want to do Karl".....boy was I wrong. Uh, your first two confessions....you and I have a LOT in common on those. I had a year of damage after one of my exes broke up with me in the most heinous way....meh.

KG: I hardly admit the children thing as well, except now and then. Although I guess my confession would be that sometimes I want them but I won't die if I don't have them. Most people thinks that makes me awful!

Suze: I think that I am in the same boat you are in with the same shit after a long time of it being the same shit. That is why my blog is cryptic half of the time and probably why I get a lot of emails asking me what the hell is going on!

Bully: Huh? What remark? LOL. I totally feel you on all of your points. The flirting, the misconceptions of others, the perceptions, etc. And the one thing I have learned about people liking me? I need to be who I am and those who really like me will be there :).

[sizzle]

1) i am in love with someone i cannot have.

2) i obsessively check my face for stray hairs. i am pluck happy!

3) i am overly vain about my face because i have always been told that i have "such a pretty face" and don't pay enough (of the right kind of) attention to my body.

4) i am desperately afraid of being thin again and simultaneously consumed with making it so.

5) i never really feel like a grown up.

[kimberly]

1) I have a supercrazy crush on this new guy at work and it's unnerving the crap out of me because I never feel like this about anyone who isn't, y'know, my HUSBAND!! I've had little ignorable crushes before here and there, but nothing like this--I cannot even LOOK that the man. Jeez.

2) I'm starting to wonder what God was thinking when he made me a mother. I was never sure I wanted it, then it just kind of happened and I was very happy for a while, but now that we have 3 I feel like I'm going crazy! Is that what motherhood is? Just a low-grade insanity?? I'm praying our upcoming vacation gives me the refreshment I need.

3) I, too, am afraid of getting thin again. Every time I get down to a certain size and start getting attention from, y'know, guys? I get scared and eat myself up to fat again. It's not like I think I'm just going to run off with the first hot guy besides my husband to notice me or something--I just don't like all the attention. I'm starting to think I need a therapist!

Phew! :)

[Angie]

My youngest child just stopped breastfeeding at the age of 22 months, and while I'm somewhat relieved to have my body back, I'm very very sad that I will never have that kind of closeness with my children again (I'm tearing up right now as I type).

I'm having surgery next week that will thrown my whole life into a tailspin, and I don't know if my husband is going to be able to handle everything.

I miss my family so much that it is painful and wish there was some way to live closer to them. My MIL said something about how it must be hard for my parents to miss so much that happens with the kids and I wanted to punch her!

[Fluffycat]

I'm with Sizzle on the facial hair plucking. I find it totally zones me out and relaxes me. I wish I had a tweezers right now at work, in fact.

1. I registered for a sex-oriented singles site and eHarmony both in the last week. Confused much?

2. I haven't had sex for about a year, even though I just ended a relationship two months ago. You do the math.

3. I am still happy with myself most of the time anyway. Sometimes I worry I would fall back into depression, but I feel good even when bad things happen.

[Holly]

* I've lost 25 pounds in 8 weeks and I haven't told anyone in my family about it.

* My Mom bugs me so much that I'm getting to the point that I don't even want to talk to her anymore.

* Lately, I've felt like people have such a negative attitude and I feel like being rude right back. How much are you supposed to take, really?

* I seriously think I am in love with my best guy friend but I don't know what to do.

[Foo]

I feel like I have nothing to say and blogging is no longer pleasurable. I want to take down my blog and be done with it.

I'm tired of all of my friends being buried in their own shit and not having the decency to even ask how I'm doing. Face to face hanging out and it's always about all the horrible shit they are going through. They can't stop long enough between sentences to realize that the world DOESN'T revolve around them.

I wish I had the strength to call BS when I see it.

[*E*]

I'm scared that I've slacked so much on blogging lately, I'll never get back in the routine. And even more scared that no one will care.

My husband packed up and left me Saturday night because I bitched at him about his drinking. I never knew how much I truly love him until he didn't come right back. He finally came home about midnight, VERY drunk. I was too relieved to care. It scares me that I've married an alcoholic AGAIN.

I'm scared to find out I CAN'T lose weight, even when I try.

[Jennifer]

I went to the dr today for migraines. Even though according to my freaking chart I've lost 22 pounds, those assholes didn't say dick about my WL. If it were the other way around do you think they'd say something?

Even though I'm losing weight my libido has gone straight to hell. I worry that my husband is going to lose patience with me soon.

[Jennifer]

I went to the dr today for migraines. Even though according to my freaking chart I've lost 22 pounds, those assholes didn't say dick about my WL. If it were the other way around do you think they'd say something?

Even though I'm losing weight my libido has gone straight to hell. I worry that my husband is going to lose patience with me soon.

[I love Karl too]

I have jumped Karls bones, many times.....

but only in my dreams.

[Hilly]

Sizz: Yeah I could have wrote that, except for the in love part. Mostly, people are in love with ME and can't have ME cause I too have the pretty face...*snort*, I kid about the last part.

Kimberly: I have a theory about crushes that married women get. I should post about it soon but don't beat yourself up....I really think it is our way of feeling alive or good about ourselves and many other things. I have had one recently too and nothing ever happened but it's nice to picture him naked and at my beckon call ;). And I am sure you are a good mommy!

Angie: I am sorry so much stuff seems to be changing around you, which all seems to be emotional. I am seriously sending lots of love and prayers your way for next week!

Fluffycat: LMAO on the second one. Once when I was drunk, I announced something similar to people I'd just met...good times. There is nothing wrong with looking for sex and love on different sites!

Holly: I'm generally rude back so I may be no help ;). Most of my boyfriends were my guy friends first...does he feel remotely the same way?

Foo: I think you do...have the strength, that is. Sometimes I wonder if it's just easier not to? For me too, I mean.

"E": Woah, I did not know that about Saturday...shoulda said something in the emails! Uhm, I know you can lose weight sistah!

Jennifer: LOL, they totally would have mentioned your weight if it went up!!!!

ILK2: I'm going to be starting a fan club at www.snackiepoo.com/ipuffyheartkarl...yanno, in my spare time ;).

[C]

Hmm....

Well, where do I start?
1. I am still not sure I like my job, even though I've been doing it for almost 13 years, but I have no idea what else I'd do instead.
2. I have huge abandonment issues - my parents divorced when I was about 5 and I haven't seen my father since I was 5 1/2 - so I have yet to have a real relationship.
3. At the age of nearly 37, I still have not had sex yet. See #2 for clues as to why.
4. I also have huge weight problems, both hereditary and related to #2 & 3.

I hope to one day get my life together before it's too late to enjoy it more.

[Superiority Complex]

1. I've had a relationship situation similar to 'THE INSUFFERABLE' and let a woman wreck me for a long time. This was in 2004. I'm just now ready to start dating again.

2. I roll my eyes when I get behind someone paying for their food with WIC Coupons.

3. I pretend to be above it all and have a happy jet-set life when really I am pretty insecure.

4. I am wondering what I have to do to be Karl. I am also wondering why no one has proclaimed a crush on YOU -- because they should.

[Hilly]

C: Wow, I am honored that you shared such personal things, seriously :). If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here and am really good at keeping others' privacy. I hope you find your way to loving yourself soon!

Superiority: Well, it's got to be hard to be a man and not have to pretend a little, I would think. You made me snort water out of my nose at the WIC thing! As far as the crush thing....it's probably because no one *has* a crush on me!

[ABC]

I really want another child but my doctor has recommended that I lose weight first and I just can't seem to get started. I'm very depressed about it, so I eat. hmm, anyone see the problem here?

I also have huge abondonment issues. I push everyone away. Except my 4 year old and I worry that I will fuck him up. I don't want him to think that he needs to support me.

I hate telling secrets because I worry that someone might actually want to talk about them - it reminds me of family meetings growing up. I used to actually shake through them even when I wasn't in trouble.

I lost my job because of effexor and topomax. I could not hold a thought in my head while taking them. I quit cold turkey, which is the hardest thing I have ever done - but my husband was threatening to leave because we were no longer having sex.

[Kriss]

My husband is in Mexico for work, and I don't miss him at all. This makes me really happy and really sad, all at the same time.

Last week, I bludgeoned a big, ugly toad with the dog poop shovel. I hate toads.

I love Cherry Coke Zero.

Today, I ate 4 packages of Little Debbie Nutty Bars, 3 Three Musketeers bars, and almost a whole package of those orange wafer cookes with sugary frosting. I have got to stop this binge eating . . . but I can't seem to get ahold of it.

I obsessively play the "Am I Fatter Than Them" game when out in public. I always think I'm the fattest person in the room.

If I hear one more story about Paris Fucktwat Hilton, I'm going to throw my shoe at the television/radio.

[Lisa]

I hate my job. I have almost quit so many times lately, but I know I can't.

People irritate me and I lose patience and act bitchy, then regret it later because I don't want them to think I'm a bitch.

My sister frustrates me. She always has a reason for why she can't do something instead of figuring out how she can. It bothers me that I let her whining frustrate me - it's her life right?

[Hilly]

ABC: Uh, we used to have the same kind of family meetings. My mom would write down everything we'd done wrong on legal paper then we'd sit there uncomfortably and try to live through it!

Kriss: Yeah I totally feel you on the first thing and uh, is it sad that I wish I had those damned candy bars right now?

Lisa: I seriously think you need to come over here and grab a cocktail and forget about all the whiners and bitchers!

[InSecret]

1) I worry I married for security, instead of true love and that I'll never know a true all consuming passion for a partner (unless that is all just bullshit perpetuated by the media anyway.) But I'm just not attracted to my husband at all on a physical level and really never have been.

2) I feel like I don't belong here, in this place, where I am at. That even though I have wonderful children who are my life, I'm supposed to be somewhere else, someone else. That makes me feel both horribly guilty and like the worst person on earth for thinking that, and trapped. So trapped that sometimes I just break down and cry so hard I can't breath.

3) Sometimes I still think about suicide, though there are too many people who would be hurt by it now - so there is no way I would do it. It just makes me feel better to think about it, like it gives me some comfort to know at least that one thing is still in my power.

[Chase]

1) I (literally a credit expert) have to file bankruptcy now because, 2 years ago, I put my ex's credit needs before my own and the hole is too deep to get out of. And I have to hurry and file within the next couple of months because

2) I'm getting married next summer!!!!!!!!!! I can't announce it on my blog because my brother reads my blog...and we haven't made the family announcements yet.

[noname]

1. I have been faking the big O for over 20 years now. Wait. Over 30 years. Sigh.

2. I think I gained weight to keep from having sex and now that I am losing it my husband is even more interested. More sighs.

3. I would like to jump Karl's bones, but only if he understands that orgasms are out of the picture for me. Mega sigh. Why can't men see that it isn't working for us. Am I the only one who fakes?

[Rachel]

I can't move up in the company that I work for without having a degree.
They will pay for college but I still don't go because I HATE school.

I am going to my first Weight Watcher's meeting tonight and I am terrified because I am scared to lose the weight. I am afraid that I will sabatoge myself.

I have names picked out for my next child when I have it with my gay friend and his partner. Sarah Grace for a girl and Seth Matthew for a boy.

[Karl's Friend]

I wish Karl could see what an intelligent dude he is, and realize he has lots to offer a woman. I hope he finds the courage to talk to the next woman that catches his eye.