March 27th, 2008

A Letter To My Body….

Dear Body,

Look, I’m just going to start with the elephant in the room (no pun intended) and say it….you’re fat.  I’m sorry that I’ve treated you so poorly over the years and want you to know that above all else, I need to be kinder to you.  Here’s the thing, body…we may never get skinny but that’s not really our goal right now.  Moving forward, we’re going to get healthy no matter what. I’m sure you’ve noticed the increased activity lately…it’s called exercise.  I know you’re not really used to that word lingering around in our brain but it’s here to stay…fortunately or unfortunately, depending on the mood we’re in.

I’ve decided that our love/hate relationship is a two way street and I’ve not really been doing my part.  Aside from the tonsillectomy when I was 6 years old and that damned tendinitis you’ve decided to make my number one fan….you’ve been quite good to me.  You’ve never had a broken bone.  You’ve never needed invasive surgery.  Most importantly, you’ve never caused the fear and panic that comes with a life-threatening disease and for that I am forever thankful.  Also, you’ve got really great hair growing out of your head and the narcissist in me digs that about you.

I guess I call our relationship love/hate because a part of me hates you.  Oh man, maybe "hate" isn’t the right word because if I truly hated you, I’d never have stopped using drugs or stopped smoking.  By the way, thanks for not dying out on me during those crazy days.  Yet another point for you!  Honestly, I’m ashamed of you.  I’m tired of slyly skulking about a room so that people won’t notice how flabby and chubbtastic you are.  It makes me sad when I walk past a mirror and loathe everything about you, sometimes to the point of hot tears.  The worst part is wondering if people are actually going to like me the same when they meet me in person…because of YOU!  I’m always worried that they’ll take one look at you and snicker inside while pretending not to notice.  I’m also convinced that they’ll gossip with others about how ugly and round you are as well.

Which reminds me, thanks a ton for the paranoia and anxiety disorder, you fucking bitch.  Oh wait, I am supposed to ooze kindness towards you…damn, sorry. 

Usually when I loathe something, I toss it away and never look at it again.  Sadly, that’s sort of what I’ve done to you….I’ve pretty much tossed you in a pair of baggy track pants and a t-shirt and hidden you behind the pretty girls.  I’ve done absolutely nothing to make our relationship work and I’m finally here to admit it.  I mean really, you’re not all bad!  Your lips are talked about world wide and so are your eyes.  If I can just remember that you "have such a pretty face" then maybe I won’t feel so bad.

Starting right now, we’re making changes!  You’re going to walk tall and proud no matter how fat-assed you are!  You’re going to be fed lots of healthy foods then put on a leash and walked nightly.  You’re going to get weekly pedicures and give yourself weekly facials so that your skin continues to glow and stay young.  You’re going to stop taking 10 different pills in order to get to sleep and just finally find the ONE that works.  You’re going to drink 10 glasses of water a day.  You’re going to feel energized. 

By the time this is all over, you’re going to love me.  And maybe…just maybe, I’m going to learn to love you back.

Kisses,
Hilly

IT ONLY TOOK ME A MONTH TO FINALLY GET ON THE LETTER TO MY BODY INITIATIVE STARTED AT BLOGHER.  I GUESS IT TOOK ME A MONTH TO BE ABLE TO FIND THE WORDS, HONESTLY.

Posted in Hilly's Insecurities | Comments (29)

29 Responses to “A Letter To My Body….”

  1. Nat Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 5:08 pm

    You know I really appreciated the love/hate captured in this post.

    It’s something I struggle with as well. I never really get tired of this initiative.

  2. Bec Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    This is one initiative I can’t bring myself to get involved in as I am just not ready to face this horror… not until I know what’s going on with it.

    I love your letter though - talk about action!

  3. Lauren Plouffe Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    Wow, I’ve been away a while. Great layout. And great letter. I’ve got to get on that I guess.

  4. Patty Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    I once did a letter to my fat…ha, long ago. It is hard to make peace with our bodies. I know I treat mine bad that’s for sure. What do they say, ‘we treat our cars better’. And it’s true. Here’s to learning to love and be in sync with our bodies some day. I’ve got a ways to go.

  5. hello haha narf Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    when you meet my fat butt in philly, try not to show her this letter. i don’t want her jealous about all the sleep, healthy foods and stuff you are doing for your body. thanks!

  6. Karl Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Good for you, writing that letter. I can’t possibly do it, even though I’ve thought about it. My fat ass, along with other fun things, make me strongly on the “hate” side of the equation.

  7. sizzle Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    This is awesome. Good for you! I know all about taking a long time to post it. :) I hope you and your body learn to love one another.

  8. Tori Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    Great letter… I love it… good luck!

  9. Dagny Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    And this is why you rock. I don’t know how to even begin to write such a letter.

  10. Göran Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    So you won over cigarettes and drugs. Loving your body will be easy peasy japaneasy :-)

    \m/

  11. Penelope Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 1:20 am

    You are so much kinder to your body than I am to mine! I could slap you around the head like I did to Sizzle, but I won’t, I’ll just say that you are gorgeous and very brave. I could feel what it took to write that and I think you rock! :o)

  12. turnbaby Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 1:42 am

    I’m glad you’ve done this for yourself sugar. Anything that lets you take charge is way cool.

    it does hurt my heart a little that you feel this much pain and anxiety about meeting people and having them not continue to appreciate the truly good soul that you are just because of how you look.

    I wish I was coming to Philly just so I could hug you and then smack your butt for thinking that way.

    Then of course I’d rub away the sting*giggle* and give you another hug;-)

  13. Selma Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 3:02 am

    This is an inspiring letter. I often neglect my body as a result of depression. Sometimes I don’t eat properly for weeks. The other day I looked in the mirror and thought :’I look gray.’ It has to stop. I’m going to take a leaf out of your book and address my body image issues. Thank you.

  14. CuriosityKiller Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 3:37 am

    {{{HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!}}}

    I call my body a bitch all the time… but as a compliment, really.

  15. Cissa Fireheart Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 4:47 am

    Good on You Hilly! One of these days, I am going to be having nearly the EXACT conversation with my body.

    OK, I am starting to freak…are we twins or something? blond hair aside, we both had kinda fucked up childhoods, we both abused our bodies, never really had illnesses or broken bones….and both are unhappy at the moment and looking to try and fix it….

    amazing, we just found each other! Fate has a great way of connecting people, don’t you think?

    Anyway, great post, thank you for sharing. maybe I will find the motivation to do this too….I think you may have inspired me!

  16. diane Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 6:05 am

    And you did a great job. :) Sweet and endearing, with a side of token Snackie Sass. I love it!

  17. sam Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 7:11 am

    Great letter Hilly!!

    So much of what you said could have come from me as well.I hear ya friend. *hugs*

  18. jodi Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 8:39 am

    love the letter - perhaps we should start a “dear body” crusade… i’m sure the letters would be very interesting… :o)

  19. jessica Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Hilary.

    You are beautiful.

    I love this letter, and I’m going to write one!

    ~jess

  20. Foo Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 9:57 am

    Yay, I’m home today and can enjoy your blog in all of it’s glory…Damn fucking job filters. I’m proud of you for writing your body letter. I feel the same way about a lot of things and could relate to Sizz’s too. I have been wanting to write one since I first read one and have been putting it off. Hmmm…perhaps that is why I’m failing right now. Love you tons and you are gorgeous - meeting you turned my life around. If you didn’t take the chance, you never would have met some of your true BFF’s. We’re all glad you did.

  21. Miss Britt Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 10:42 am

    I wish the word “fat” could be eliminated from the english language.

    Don’t me go all Carter What’s His Name On You aka NUDE PHOTOS AT TEQUILA CON!!!!

  22. Maryann Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 10:43 am

    Love your letter - it’s so realistic. I’ve been wanting to write one myself, but to be honest, I’m been such a “hater” lately. I’ve been so negative towards my body and so disgusted with myself.

    Maybe I’ll try this so that it will make me appreciate what I have, and not criticize what I don’t.

    And you do have great hair!

  23. John Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Well I like you just the way you are. But I understand because very few of us DON’T understand this issue. I work my ASS off at the gym almost every day and I still can’t ever get to where I want to be. I am doing better, however, about not comparing myself to these 27-year-old ripped guys. Hey, I’m almost 46 and I’m never going to look like that..and that’s OK (Stuart Smalley). : ) Don’t be too hard on yourself love. You know what you need to do. Remember, action PRECEDES motivation. And you do have crazy-beautiful hair.

    Love from the Right Coast.

  24. radioactivetori Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 3:39 pm

    I am so proud of you for writing this. I am also proud of you for acknowledging how awesome your body is. I wish everyone could just stop being so hard on themselves (myself included) and realize the wonderful things that draw other people towards you.

    You are an amazing person, a great friend, and very beautiful too!

  25. Tug Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    MUCH luck, and it’s always good to finally learn to not hate our bodies! I could have written this same letter…besides the fact that I’ve had 2 big surgeries.

    and I can’t write. ;-)

  26. Artful Kisser Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    I’ve been away for a while too. Love the new layout. Best wishes on your path towards feeling energised and liking the woman you catch a glimpse of in the mirror. If only there was a pill for that - that wasn’t bad for you…

  27. Winter Says:
    March 28th, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    Come to Orange and stand next to me. You will look like Brooke Shields. I’ll send you my phone #. We can prod each other on the water drinking thing.

  28. Avitable Says:
    March 29th, 2008 at 4:53 am

    No photo? I had my pants off and erection ready, too. Sigh.

  29. sue Says:
    March 31st, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    You’re amazing.

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