June 16th, 2008

Pick Out Your Cloud….

Banging banging banging….my head hits the brick wall over and over again. The words are stuck in my throat but they won’t leap out and onto my pages. I’m censoring again and it feels utterly stiffling this time. What I thought was left is now right and what I believed to be true may indeed be false. Shifting the gears, I try to catch up. I’m already so far behind that it makes more sense to stay here and find a new way. Again. Listening to the angry voices around me, I shrink into a violet that I only become when I need them to stop. To listen instead of speak. To care instead of condemn. Am I the only one whose eyes are fully open now? They don’t see me. They don’t hear me begging them to stop before my head explodes into a million pieces of candied confetti. The only thing to do at a time like this is keep driving to my happy place, even if it takes all night. In that place, the world bleeds in beautiful harmony and I once again feel safe. The noises stop.  It’s not hiding if I feel truly alive in that moment.  Just one moment then I’ll open my eyes again.  Face the noise.  Dive into the deep end, where it all begins again.

Prosaic Flow Kisses,
Me

Posted in Cryptic, Emotional Diatribes | Comments (26)

26 Responses to “Pick Out Your Cloud….”

  1. hello haha narf Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    just think, in less than two weeks we will be in nyc. that is what i am gonna focus on. happy, noisy city. and me as a goofy tourist.

    hello haha narfs last blog post..Who Are You Really Calling a Whore?

  2. Karl Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    Oh, Lord. Cryptic City again. I hope you’re okay. I tried to call you earlier.

    Karls last blog post..SecondHand Radio: My Daughter, Alyson, and the Alive Campaign

  3. Amber Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    That’s some beautiful censorship!

    Me thinks you need some ice cream. Sometimes, the best happy place is at the bottom of a Ben & Jerry’s carton, ya know what I’m sayin? :)

    Hang in there, Miss Hilly. Everything will smooth out one way or the other.

    Ambers last blog post..An Open Letter to My Tatas

  4. kim Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Are you trying to prove that you can be a personal blogger without revealing anything?

    My first thought was, Hilly really needs to follow her heart. Here’s to hoping that when you open your eyes it is a little bit better.

  5. adena Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    You are the Queen of Cryptic-land. I usually can sort-of figure it out (as you know), but you outdid yourself this time.

    I’ve been cryptic’d.

    Email me if you want to vent. Hope you’re okay!

    adenas last blog post..Murder: In Two Parts

  6. Miss Anne Derstood Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 4:26 am

    I think you and I have a lot in common. Let’s be best friends….

    Ps. I tagged you for a meme…

    Miss Anne Derstoods last blog post..What will they say about me?

  7. Miss Britt Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 4:38 am

    I spent hours and hours in that happy place this weekend. And already need to go back.

    I feel ya.

    Miss Britts last blog post..Not blogging about not blogging

  8. Lady Jaye Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 4:45 am

    There is nothing wrong with being cryptic. It just adds to your air of mystery. It keeps us coming back for more!

    Lady Jayes last blog post..To the Man in my Life

  9. Dave2 Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 4:46 am

    I planted a garden in my happy place because I know I will be needing it in the coming months and wanted it to look nice. All I need to do is build a gazebo and I’m good to go.

    Dave2s last blog post..Adventure

  10. suze Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 5:27 am

    I hope you found some peace in your happy place. Big hugs.

    suzes last blog post..reason mike rocks: number 537

  11. turnbaby Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 5:28 am

    I’ve lost the way to my happy place just now. I’ll keep driving until I find it though. Wanna car dance to the radio?

    turnbabys last blog post..Kindness

  12. SJ Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 6:33 am

    Hilly, don’t let WordPress get to you like that. Remember, it’s only blogware. :wink:

    SJ’s last blog post..WTF is this thing?

  13. Finn Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 7:14 am

    This too shall pass… promise.

    Finns last blog post..And All That That Implies

  14. aka_monty Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 8:35 am

    I hate myself when I censor, I hate it because it matters so much.

    Can I do anything to help you get to your happy place? Because I will do it, regardless of personal danger. :)
    xoxoxo

  15. Dragon Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am

    I read and re-read your post and oh my god, it is poetry disguised as a post. It is a song in need of music. Did you mean to do that? Amazing.

    “In that place, the world bleeds in beautiful harmony and I once again feel safe.” - poetry

    Am I the only one that saw this? I’m sorry for the pain you’re in but you have a gift for turning pain into beauty.

    Dragons last blog post..Daily Lynx - Big Batch Day

  16. Nat Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 9:15 am

    I thought I read a comment that said follow your heart. Hard to do but correct.

    I have a little meditation, I stole from some Buddhist.It goes like this:

    Inhale.
    Smile.
    Think: “This is a beautiful moment.”
    Exhale.

    Repeat. (Doesn’t work so well in traffic jams, but tends to rejig the angst.)

    Nats last blog post..Men, big and small

  17. RW Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 9:19 am

    If my happy place meets your happy place there will be a lot of angry bloggers all over again I’m thinkin…

    You keep your happy place to yourself!

    RWs last blog post..Think About It… I’m Just Sayin’

  18. Penelope Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 10:58 am

    Simply beautiful.
    My happy place is at the bottom of a bottle of Chardonnay - care to join me?

    Penelopes last blog post..I am…I said…

  19. radioactive tori Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am

    I hope everything is ok. If you want to talk, let me know.

    radioactive toris last blog post..T-ball and Strawberries

  20. Motley Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    That sounded almost schizophrenic. Hooray for forms of poetry!

    I hope things get better, whatever they may be. :)
    Motleys last blog post..Weekend Review

  21. Brandon Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Hope all is well. I think you should take a drive up to Ventura County this week to clear your head.

    Brandons last blog post..The Most Disturbing Thing I Saw This Weekend

  22. Charlene in Arkansas Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    Hilly,
    I enjoyed listening to you yesterday on the bladio. I have been a silent reader but had so much fun yesterday that I decided to jump on the blogwagon. I enjoy your posts and will be a regular reader (well I was a regular reader before I got my own blog DUH)

    Charlene in Arkansass last blog post..Real Deal and the Rest of the Story #1

  23. John Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Peace. : )

    Johns last blog post..Dating 403 – The Dating Zone

  24. kilax Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    Can I come with you to the happy place? :)
    kilaxs last blog post..Friday Question #29

  25. Winter Says:
    June 16th, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    You and I need to blare Love/Hate’s Don’t Fuck With Me full blast on PCH and yell rude sexist remarks to the hot men in HB. And giggle when they stare. Then drink diet soda and eat turkey, avocado, and sprouts on a bagel on Beach Blvd. And leave all other crap behind for awhile.

    Winters last blog post..Mega Monday

  26. Calum Says:
    July 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    A very nice article you have written. I appreciate the helpful tips and will tell my friends!

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