June 10th, 2008

Loves Me, Loves Me Not….

Last month, a “friend” of mine sent me an email telling me that she absolutely loved everything about me then turned around within days and impugned my entire character. In fact, within one stinking day, this person went from “love you, mean it!” to “I have no idea what the Blogosphere sees in you”. I had all of these thoughts swimming around in my head at the time, most of them centered around trying to be the bigger person and not putting the verbal hammer down on this fucking beyotch, truth be told. After many cocktails and even more conversations with people who said, “But Hilly, she is SO not worth it”, I decided to let it go…..mostly. However, when I remembered this train wreck earlier today, I grimaced at how easily her “love” for me was dismissed. I mean, come on….we can love people and still not be happy with some of the things they do, right? I mean, that’s always how *I* have experienced love but then again, I’m not a fickle pickle who throws around phrases that are actually supposed to mean something.

Here’s the thing….you and I need to be pretty tight before it’s okay to throw around a phrase that is stepped on more than it should be. I know in this day and age of Internet Slang Cafe, where everybody “totally PPH’s each other”, I probably seem like a total phrase-prude, but dammit…I have to draw a line somewhere. You can tell me that I’m witty, clever, beautiful, your favorite blogger, sexy, warm, charming and a million other things without really meaning them. Sure, when I figure out that you are walking around with your pants on fire, it will probably hurt my feelings a little bit but hey, I’ll get over it. There are, however, three little words that I expect you to really mean when you say them to me:

I. love. you.

Now then…I don’t expect you to love me madly and deeply or anything, but at least freaking mean it! How many different kinds of love are there? Everything from humanistic tendencies to romantic feelings to friend-love to parental love…..we run the gamut daily. I know that we all feel different levels of love for different people and some hippies or “humanists” may argue that it is okay to spew out that phrase to every beloved creature they happen upon. But I’m here to tell you that I don’t like how common it has become. Don’t get me wrong….I’d love to give everyone a Coke and a smile but I’ll be damned if I’m mean enough to hand you a Coke that I have already spit in or intend to spit in. What does that mean, for those that once again missed Camp Metaphor this summer? That means that I will never ever tell you that I love you unless I do love you, at whatever level that happens to be.

And hey, I know that some of you will read this and think I am being ridiculous. It’s just that, with these here Internets becoming our main form of communication, a lot of us are quick to throw out “Love you!” and the phrase that makes me cringe every time….”hugz”. I definitely don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression…I love the fact that people will freely use the “love” phrase when I know that they mean it, (again, at whatever level that is). But if I just “internet met” you yesterday, do you really have love for me? And more importantly, will you still love me in the morning?

While you may be sitting there whispering, “Wow, Hilly has finally fucking lost it”, just stop and think for a moment. Do you use the word “love” like it’s just another four-letter thing to be thrown into the wind? Or…does that word sit locked up in a box with a pretty bow until you’re ready for it to truly be heartfelt? What about the term PPH (which I’ll admit to using) or something similar? How does that phrase compare? I’d love to know what the rest of the PRB things about this crazy little “issue” I have shared with you today. Be honest, but please be nice. Seriously.

Oh and one last thing….I don’t want anyone to get the impression that I never want to hear you tell me that you love me. It’s quite the opposite, actually! I just want it to be true, that’s all :).

“Sand In My Vagina” Kisses,
Me

Posted in Hilly On A Tangent | Comments (55)

55 Responses to “Loves Me, Loves Me Not….”

  1. kat Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    I love you is by far the most inappropriately used phrase in the English language. And gosh darn it, it gets me every time. Grrr.

  2. Dagny Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    I am more likely to use the word “love” than I will ever use PPH. And I use the word “love” quite sparingly. I just think that there are certain words that need to be backed with truthfulness. Probably comes from the childhood of having folks say one thing but act in a completely different manner. Makes you promise yourself that certain words are just too important to be thrown around casually.

    Dagnys last blog post..Summer in the PRB*

  3. Tori Blaine Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    I use <3 a lot… but in the way that usually means, I love everything I know about you… I mean, shit, Tori isn’t even my real name, I’m sure as hell not using the heart icon I type to mean the undying love that I use when I say it to my family… but I do mean it in the way that my blog-friends are important to me… what they know of me, and what I know of them… it IS important and I DO have emotions involved… I totally follow your post… and I hope when I tell you I give a shit, you believe me… but just know, there’s a tiny part of me that doesn’t know if you’re a 14 year old boy in Thailand writing this… either way… I still <3 who ever is sitting at the keyboard.

    Tori Blaines last blog post..on point

  4. Iron Fist Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    I still think you should have brought the verbal hammer down on her, just because.

    So, ‘hugz’ is out…how do you feel about ‘gropez’?

  5. adena Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    I hardly ever say that unless I mean it. Which means I use it really, really rarely.

    It just rings false to me to be throwing it around all willy-nilly to random people, like “smooooches!”, or something.

    With that being said, tho’, I totally love you bunches! You’re one of a small, select group of people in the blogosphere that I consider my real friends, and who I could see myself having NO problem hanging out with for extended periods of time. :)
    adenas last blog post..Stealing Mosaics.

  6. Avitable Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    I lust you.

    Avitables last blog post..Help me out, fuckers

  7. jodi Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    I would agree with you. I know people who use the phrase too much, and it cheapens it.

    I don’t even know what the phrase “totally PPH’s each other” means.

    jodis last blog post..Flickr Photo Meme

  8. Dave2 Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    I love chocolate pudding.

    It’s Foo, isn’t it… you can tell me…

    Dave2s last blog post..Pride!

  9. Shiny Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    … as long as nobody starts using “wuv” as the substitution du jour, I think I’ll be okay.

  10. Nat Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    I have no clue what PPH means either? (Post-partum Hemorrhage?) Ack! I’m so unhip.

    I am all about the cyber hugs. (with an s not a z) It’s an expression of support more than love. I’d hug a stranger in RL too if I felt it was appropriate and they needed it. Doesn’t mean love, it’s more like empathy.

    Love is really big word. And unless I’m willing to stand behind it and act that way, I don’t use it specially when it has to do with people. But reading this, I can see that perhaps I’m cheapening it when I say things like “I love those shoes…” or “I love Eddie Vedder” (he’s not real so he doesn’t count. Sorry Ed.)

    Food for thoughts. Hugz ;P

    Nats last blog post..Smells like declining readership

  11. kim Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    I hardly ever tell people I love them. The exception being my husband and my son.. they probably get tired of hearing it I say it so often. I have a couple of best friends that I would do anything for, but rarely tell them I love them. I only do because it is very safe, they are in Colorado and I am in Seattle.

    You needed a heart smiley for this post. A PPH smiley.

  12. metalmom Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    You’d “love” to know what we think? HA!

    Hubs and I tell each other regularly “I hate you”. and then we laugh uncontrollably.Our kids do it too. This goes on only in our house and it’s like a family joke. Both Hubs and I come from homes where you didn’t discuss ‘feelings’. As long as the kids know where we are coming from it’s cool with me. None of them are afraid of using the “l” word themselves though.

    How bout “ditto”?

    metalmoms last blog post..Blue and Sheila Save the Day!

  13. Chag Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    You made that PPH thing up, didn’t you? You’re just seeing if any of us will use it in a post tomorrow.

    I know what you mean about the “love” thing. If we all “loved” each other in real life as much as we do online, the world would be a much nicer place. Or a much phonier one.

    Chags last blog post..Local God: The Town With An Identity Crisis

  14. Chag Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    I just moused over the PPH and it gave the definition. I feel like a dumbass now.

    Chags last blog post..Local God: The Town With An Identity Crisis

  15. SJ Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    Um, honestly, I thought you *coined* the phrase PPH! And I know it’s supposed to mean “pink puffy heart” (isn’t it?), but I always read it as “puffy patchwork heart” and you know why. It means something special to me that way. I confess that I only use it with/for certain people who truly deserve it.

    I use the love word WAY too much. Any time I like something more than a lot, I LOVE it. I use it a lot for/to people as well, because I fall in love really, really easily. I never, EVER say it unless I mean it, but I may mean it in different ways to different degrees, depending on the person.

    There is, however, a certain way I say it that has only been heard by two people in this entire world.

    But hugs? That’s my signature! Like you and your kisses thing. And I do mean it. I’d hug the entire world if I could. Well, except the things with feathers.

    SJs last blog post..Unsunny California

  16. turnbaby Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    I ’smooch’ a LOT

    I {{{hug}}} when needed

    I grope when I can;-)

    And if I love someone I tell them

    I think this post is cool beans!

    turnbabys last blog post..A Little Bulletin Is A Good Thing

  17. kilax Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    Wow. I still can’t get over the fact that your friend did that within days. WTF?

    I have a friend who says “I love you” to everyone. It took awhile to get used to, because I use it more sparingly. (Although, I did tell someone I loved them in their post today because they were so frickin hilarious)

    kilaxs last blog post..Know where to go?

  18. hello haha narf Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    if i were days away from throwing you under a bus i would never say i love you.

    but i do just love you, you smart and pretty and wicked funny and hardworking woman, you!

    not to take away from your terrific self, but i do tend to love good people pretty quickly. so when i say that i do, i mean it. i don’t say it when i don’t mean it.

    hello haha narfs last blog post..What A Girl Needs

  19. whall Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    how about “I’m in intense like” with you? Too much, too soon?

    how about - I admire your blog template as it shines in the moonlight…?

    whalls last blog post..Open Letter to Microsoft Vista Developers

  20. Sharon Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    Hilly, like you, I try to reserve the word “love” for things that I genuinely. . . . well, love. :wink:

    Sharons last blog post..The right place at the right time

  21. Greeneyezz Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:48 am

    Very good post.

    You make an excellent point, and I don’t think you are being a ‘phrase-prude’ at all, I think you are giving the word ‘Love’ the respect it deserves.

    Kudos.

    ~ZZ

    Greeneyezzs last blog post..Hey you??

  22. suze Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:04 am

    “Love” in and of itself can be used with varying meaning. “Love that dress”, “I’d love to tell her…”, etc. And in that sense, I don’t think it’s overused. Like most words it has variables of meaning.

    However, I agree with you on the phrase “I love you” - it really should only be used when you do, in fact, love the person. Granted, the love I have for my friends will be different from that for mike or my family, but it’s still love, and I only say it if I mean it.

    suzes last blog post..my weekend was sucky, how about yours…

  23. Miss Britt Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:25 am

    I’m with Becky on this one.

    I do love you. But (and again, not to take away from YOU and your awesomeness), I also use the world a lot.

    But I don’t feel like I over use it.

    Because I mean it. A lot.

    Obviously there are different levels and what not, but I tend to get that warm glow oh my gosh you really rock my socks with how great you are feeling pretty easily.

    Hence my shock and awe yesterday. :D
    Miss Britts last blog post..Reason #346 Why I Would Make An Awesome Reality TV Star:

  24. Foo Diddy Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:35 am

    I’ve got mad friendship love burnin’ just for you and I don’t throw “love” around like a Frisbee. After the last couple of days of pure friend hell, I’ve come to realize, I can only be friends with people that “get me” and come to find out, that’s not very many people. Le Sigh.

    Foo Diddys last blog post..Friend up, or You’re Out - Auf Wiedersehen

  25. Hilly Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:03 am

    I can’t believe I have to add this comment here but…here goes:

    Dave was KIDDING about Foo. He probably picked her name because that would be the LAST person who would do something as lame as mentioned in the post. So yanno, everyone can stop the gossiping now, geez.

  26. Miss Britt Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:08 am

    Liar.

    I emailed Foo and was all “why do you hate Hilly?!?!” and she was all “cuz that bitch thinks she’s all hot in her titty shirts” and I was all “yeah, that’s true” and we were all “word, yo, but don’t tell anyone”.

    So. Ha!

    I’m on to you.

    Miss Britts last blog post..Reason #346 Why I Would Make An Awesome Reality TV Star:

  27. Finn Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am

    Love is not a word to be flung around to just anybody. It loses its meaning, which is tragic because love is just… everything.

    And I know it was a typo, but how appropriate is it that Britt wrote, “I also use the world a lot”? :grin:

    Finns last blog post..On Following Your Heart

  28. Miss Britt Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:16 am

    Dear Finn,

    :-P
    ptpthththhthhththththththth

    Love,

    Britt

    Miss Britts last blog post..Reason #346 Why I Would Make An Awesome Reality TV Star:

  29. Dave2 Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:18 am

    Ummm… yeah… I picked Foo because she WOULD be the last person who would do this kind of thing. I thought I was being funny, but… well, it’s like, you know…

    Dave2s last blog post..Craptopia

  30. sue Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:20 am

    I don’t use it unless I mean. it.

    sues last blog post..Why Can’t We Have a Happy Medium?

  31. Foo Diddy Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:27 am

    LOL Britt, beyotch, what part of “super secret” did you not understand?

    Hello World, I promise, if Hil and I were fighting, I would be photochopping the shit out of her photos and spreading mass chaos all over the Intarweb. Until you see poked out eye Hilly, Hilly doin’ it with Oprah, etc. please know that things are cool with us.

    Dave2, I got the joke, I promise.

    Foo Diddys last blog post..Friend up, or You’re Out - Auf Wiedersehen

  32. Dave2 Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 8:57 am

    But you’ll still send me those photocopies, right?

    Dave2s last blog post..Craptopia

  33. sandra Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:00 am

    I totally agree; I use “I love you” only when I really, really mean it. I just don’t think it should be tossed around.

    sandras last blog post..Things I learned in LA (or: Sandra goes West…)

  34. radioactive tori Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:01 am

    I have an issue where someone close to me uses those words all the time but their actions do not show that there is love there. I am beginning to cringe when this particular person says the words because they clearly don’t mean it. At least not how I want them to mean it.

    I don’t say the words unless I mean them. But I do love way more than I should and probably tell more people than I should also.

    I have no idea who did this to you, but clearly they did not mean the word love in a way I have ever used it or heard it used.

    radioactive toris last blog post..Macaroni Pie

  35. sizzle Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Like Foo would ever do that. Ha!

    I am still stuck on the visual of SAND in a VAGINA. And I am very. . . uncomfortable.

    How do these people find you? I swear I am so lucky I don’t get any of this internet bullllllshit.

    sizzles last blog post..Measure Up

  36. Brandon Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:51 am

    Sometimes I think I’d love to have more people read my blog and be more of a social butterfly, but really I’m quite happy in my neutral, no controversy corner of the world. Kind of like my life in general. I’m a no drama kind of person.

    PPH? That’s just too cute. No seriously, it’s too cute. I might throw up a rainbow.

    Brandons last blog post..Noah’s Ark at the Skirball

  37. Lady Jaye Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:20 am

    I know I’m guilty of throwing the word ‘love’ around in the blogosphere very easily. but the thing is that I really do mean it. I really do LOVE the things that I read and as the more I read I come to LOVE the person/people that I read. I’m sorry someone was shitty to you. I hate the way people just turn around and stab others in the back.

    Lady Jayes last blog post..New Blog/New Template

  38. Hilly Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:23 am

    Since a lot of you have said this…I am totally guilty of “loving” things. Love love love, all the time. I think it is just when the three-word phrase comes out (I love you), that is what I take seriously!

    :grin:

  39. John Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:48 am

    I’m a heart-sleeve kind of person and yes, I am guilty of using “ILY” more liberally than I should. But you’re right, ILYs can have several different and VALID applications. To me, any of these applications certainly should mean “I’m very fond of you” and shouldn’t be tarnished by actions that suggest otherwise.

    Johns last blog post..Blahger’s Block

  40. aka_monty Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 11:57 am

    “we can love people and still not be happy with some of the things they do, right?”
    HAHA! That’s exactly what my post was about today. And I hadn’t even read yours yet. :)

    I say love a LOT, because I used to feel like a lot of these other people, that it loses its meaning…

    But then I realized that life is TOO FUCKING SHORT to NOT tell people that you love them at every opportunity. If (God forbid) something tragic happened to one of my friends today, I’d be somewhat comforted by the knowledge that I told them I loved them.
    Like the song I learned in grade school: Love is something, if you give it away…you’ll end up having more.

    :)
    PS I LOVE YOU. And I don’t care who knows it. ♥

    PPS: Do I need to cut a bitch for you?

  41. Motley Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    Eh, I know what you mean. It does get thrown around a lot and it shouldn’t be. Especially in the teen world, I hear it thrown around in a light-hearted, carefree “luv ya!” kind of way. It gets confusing and no one ever really seems to mean it. D:

    Motleys last blog post..Damn It.

  42. Hilly Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    The adult world is not very different from the teen world at times….sadly.

  43. Winter Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    It was me! It was me! I was the biotch! I do BAD things like tell Mr. Shiny I WUVS hims! I is more two faced than a fun house mirror!

    *sits back and waits for everyone to gossip about her*

    Who was it that said there is no such thing as bad press? C’mon people, whisper about me!!

    Okay, I confess. I don’t know what PPH is or <3… I *HUGS* a lot. And MUAH! a lot. And I wouldn’t backstab Hilly or most people 1) because my mama would rise from her grave and kick my ass (and I’m more afraid of mama than anything in this world) and 2) because Hilly is completely undeserving of having anyone treat her in such a disgusting fashion.

    I luv people and I love people. I don’t use the latter lightly. When you don’t have a whole heart anymore, you tend to be really cautious about who you give pieces of it to.

    Hilly… MUAH! I luvs yas! *HUGS* Let’s do lunch and gossip! Then I’ll tell ya privately that I love you. :cool:

    Winters last blog post..Hotties Again

  44. HoosierGirl Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    I feel exactly the same way about saying “I love you”. I would rather you hurt my feelings and tell me the truth, than lie to me.

    Having said that, I will say that I do not love you, Hilly. But I like you. :grin:

    J.

    HoosierGirls last blog post..10 on Tuesday

  45. Dragon Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    I like you. :smile: Is it ok to love chocolate?

    Dragons last blog post..My Head Hurts

  46. MB Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    I wonder if your *friend* only said “I love you” to get in your pants. Hmmmm?

    I don’t say it unless I mean it.

    MBs last blog post..192 Pound Loss in 7 Seconds*

  47. Shelli Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    I mean, come on….we can love people and still not be happy with some of the things they do, right?

    Amen.

    And I do love you. I really do. I don’t know what I would have done without you and the clan you introduced me to. Jester, Karl et al.

    Shellis last blog post..Bones

  48. Patty Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    I don’t throw the love word around to anyone….hardly anyone. Yeah, I agree, you totally have to mean it to say it. I hate when people use it too much too.
    Sorry someone turned on you….I hate that crap. Reminds me of high school.

    Pattys last blog post..Had a good time in San Francisco

  49. Mad William Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    Hilly,
    Don’t you know that high school never ends. It’s the same shit all the time, we just give it different names.

    I’m a big fan of love, but It gets over used. If you’re going to say it , you’ve got to mean it. Otherwise you’re just a schmuck.

    If it helps, I’m in serious “like” with you. We’ll work on the rest.

    Mad Williams last blog post..Puppy, Free To A Good Home……

  50. Göran Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 4:22 am

    Put it this way, It´s interesting that life and social behaviour on the interwebs are still taken lightly and you think you can get away with stuff you´d never dare to pull IRL!

    I think languages are getting harder to use because there are a lot of words that has been over used for the wrong purposes. A very good friend of mine just finished writing a book on friendship so we´ve had plenty of discussions about friendship. My conclusion is that there are days when you can´t underestimate people enough but there are also days with a lot of love in the world.

  51. Shiny Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 5:43 am

    I had been thinking about this for quite a while because there was something swimming around in my brain that didn’t want to surface. But someone reminded me of a mediocre yet somewhat funny movie called “Idiocracy” — which shows a world 500 years from now where everyone and everything has been dumbed down to a ridiculous extent.

    One of the scenes I found most memorable was when our main characters made a pilgrimage to a city-sized Costco — one which was so large that nomadic tribes were roaming its aisles. And the unenthusiastic greeter recited the same deadpan greeting to all of those entering:

    Welcome to Costco… I love you…
    Welcome to Costco… I love you…

    I have no idea what my point is.

  52. g-man Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 6:06 am

    I had to laugh at your tag line. That is one of my favorite punch-lines ever. “… Hey lady!?! What do have sand in your vagina?” So politically incorrect.

    Not sure WTF PPH means, but I too think that one should not use the “L” word indiscriminately, I also think that it should not be taken seriously when given after just the first date (so-to-speak).

    g-mans last blog post..WWC

  53. Karl Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Well, you know I don’t say “I love you” to very many people. I don’t use it lightly. Like you, I think those words are thrown around far too lightly, far too easily. Love is not a word I use willy nilly.

    Karls last blog post..Oh hell

  54. Diane Mandy Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 7:52 am

    Oh, Hilly. I’m sorry she got you that way, but I know I would have felt the same way. I tend to love things (like soft served ice cream or, in the internet world, thought provoking posts) but I only say the word to the closest people in my life.

    But I tell you what… I love the fact the your always willing to speak you mind and put it out there.

    Is that ok?

    Diane Mandys last blog post..If I had nothing to offer, would you comment anyway?

  55. Anonymous City Girl Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    the word is used too lightly.

    too many people want to hear it from someone and too many people want to say it to someone. it’s not a bad thing, but just saying or hearing doesn’t make it be.

    your former friend doesn’t seem to understand the true meaning or power of the word. unfortunately you ended up bearing the pain of her ignorance.

    Anonymous City Girls last blog post..Holy Crap!

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