July 8th, 2008

Absolutely Barking Stars…

I have no idea why, but lately I’ve been looking at almost everything through very jaded eyes.  No, really…I cannot even tell you how many exasperated sighs and exaggerated eye-rolls have been part of my daily routine during the last few weeks.  I’m not exactly worried that my somewhat dormant *truly snarky* side will take over permanently because this actually happens quite a bit.  Therefore, all I can do is “keep on swimming”, as the animated fish like to say.

But still…it’s time for another reevaluation.  Hrm, is that redundant?  Gah, whatever.  In any case, I’m starting to feel like I need to shed some more skin and find out who I really am now that I’m moving forward with life.  Sometimes I get so irritated with people, citing how much they’ve changed and all that other blah blah blah, when realistically, it’s me who keeps changing.  The funny thing about all of this is that I *know* exactly what’s happening but this time I just don’t like it.  You see, when I am going through these major phases of renovation inside of my own little soul, I tend to get really easily irritated at the antics of others.  I’m not saying that it’s right or fair, just that…well, I start focusing on the small stuff more than I would normally.  Also?  I tend to pull away from people.  I have this tendency to isolate myself and I can totally feel that one coming as I type.

I don’t want to do that this time.
I need my friends. 
I need my family. 
I need to reach out. 

Why pray tell, is that so hard?  It’s got to be that whole thing about breaking negative patterns.  So far in life, I’ve been pretty successful at doing that but uh…not always.  Maybe it’s just about being stubborn?  Maybe it’s just about wanting to seem strong and not show so many of my weaknesses all of the time?  Maybe I’m just tired of figuring it all out?  Maybe maybe maybe maybe…it could be anything. I’m just not getting it right this week but hey…no one gets it all of the time, right?  Oh please tell me that you’re imperfect too?

Anyway, I’m working on it. For me, the first step always involves blogging about it or talking about it to one person who I totally trust. I have to admit things before I can fix them…I’m just silly that way. Good thing I have a long drive ahead of me again today…time to think is always nice. Of course, so is time to talk to my friends (*cough.sputter.cough*).

Driving Ninety Down The Freeway Kisses,
Me 

Posted in Emotional Diatribes, Redefining Hilly | Comments (23)

23 Responses to “Absolutely Barking Stars…”

  1. Dagny Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:14 am

    When you figure it out, let me know. I’m kind of tired myself.

    Dagnys last blog post..How I get through it

  2. Finn Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:17 am

    I think when we are trying to grow we notice the things in other people that we are trying to change in ourselves, which could explain why you get irritated.

    Growth is a process; strive for progress, not perfection. Nobody likes a perfect person anyway. ;)
    Finns last blog post..Fiction Challenge: Reader’s Choice

  3. Miss Britt Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:27 am

    I understand this. I really do.

    When I’m trying to grow I get easily annoyed with everyone and anything that is not an active part of that growth.

    I just want space and time to run around in my own head. Or something.

    Miss Britts last blog post..Do You Wanna Hear Me Kick Adam’s Ass?

  4. Poppy Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:54 am

    Oh, crap.

    Twins.

    And this explains my annoyance with my father.

    Poppys last blog post..How much longer am I obligated to do this?

  5. Dave2 Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:57 am

    And then there’s the world wanting to change you from who you are to who they want you to be. I just love that.

    Dave2s last blog post..Rocket

  6. kilax Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:58 am

    I can totally relate to this right now. I just got done writing a list of all the things people are doing that’s pissing me off. Who makes a list like that?!

    kilaxs last blog post..Keeping in touch

  7. suze Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Nobody’s perfect. And seemingly perfect people are boring anyway…

    I also do the irritated with others and pull away thing when the changes get hard. I think this is natural, and at least you recognize it.

    Hope the drive is a good one!

    suzes last blog post..if i should buy jelly beans, have to eat them all in just one sitting…

  8. jodi Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 10:45 am

    hey there, sorry i haven’t commented in a while but your posts weren’t showing up on my google-reader… all is well now, thank god, so now i need to get caught-up… :o)

    for me, being imperfect is more fun - life is way to short to be worrying about the small stuff… and it’s okay to go thru reevaluations (or whatever you want to call it) because we’re constantly changing… if we didn’t, how boring would that be? putting YOUR needs and YOUR wants ahead of everyone else is hard, but it’s the only way to grow as a person… and if you piss people off while doing so, who cares! ;o)

  9. Avitable Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 11:51 am

    I prefer to remain stagnant, thank you very much.

    Avitables last blog post..A face for radio

  10. SJ Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    Hmn. I might be opposite of you on this one. I’m in a change mode myself, actually being successful at altering some negative behaviors, and I’m so happy about it that I love the whole entire world right now. It seems that when I’m liking *me*, I like everyone else, too. And when I’m hating *me*, I hate the world and everyone in it (almost).

    It’s good that you recognize what you’re doing and want to work on it. That’s a real benefit in the self-growth process.

    P.S. A long drive alone with my own deep thoughts sounds heavenly to me.

  11. Nat Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    I wonder if Dave is onto something, which is entirely different than ON something (although he may be that too.) The picture others have of us no longer fits. Never mind that it was never all that accurate in the first place.

    Ah well… you’ll get through this. Sappy but believe… believe in you…

    Cue the inspirational song here.

    Nats last blog post..Up here so high the boughs the break…

  12. Dragon Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    Ah, hun, no one is perfect. [snickering] I’m close but I can always use improvement. [/snickering] :roll:

    I for one don’t want you to pull away. I like visiting you here.

    Long drives are life savers.

    Dragons last blog post..My Last Supper

  13. hello haha narf Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    i am a bad friend…didn’t get to call you while you had your drive from hell.

    still loven you, though.

    xoxo

    hello haha narfs last blog post..What a Welcome

  14. TUWABVB Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    I find that I do the exact same thing that you do, but even to a worse extent. So, instead of eye-rolling, I’ll walk into another room and have a pretend conversation with the person that is pissing me off - let’s say - hypothetically, my MIL…and I’ll have a conversation with the washing maching (which represents my MIL - stay with me) and I’ll say everything that is bugging me. Then, I’ll walk back into the room and be able to have a civil conversation.

    It works fine until the day she follows me into the kitchen and hears the curses I’m unleashing on my washing machine.

    TUWABVBs last blog post..I’m Alive

  15. Tori Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    If you would have told me in 2007 “Just wait… 2008 is going to be EVEN WORSE”, I wouldn’t have believed it to be possible… and now… I’m just waiting for something great to happen…

    this shit storm has to end sometime…

    Toris last blog post..I love you guys….

  16. Patty Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    Of course….none of us are perfect. I have a tendency to withdraw from people when I’ve got issues or am stressed or sad. That’s really not the time to pull away from people who love you….but it’s a pattern with me. Maybe I don’t want to share my innermost secrets or be judged?

    Hope you are feeling better about things soon….and get to a place of peace. It is so hard to find….for me too.

    Pattys last blog post..going to chelan and thoughts on pain

  17. jester Says:
    July 9th, 2008 at 1:38 am

    Unfortunately, this time you’ve got at least one person who’s going to be kicking your ass and not letting you withdraw into some little shell.

    I promise to make you uncomfortable.

    I promise to push you until you want to hate me.

    I promise you’ll laugh about it until you pee.

    jesters last blog post..The Jester Show: Hot Chick Edition

  18. Kyra Says:
    July 9th, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    I’ve given up not being jaded. I am. I don’t let my kids see it if I can help it, but…People suck. Not that there aren’t good peeps out there, there are, but…. Well, I haven’t met anyone that wouldn’t burn the hell out of another person when given half a chance. So, I trust no one. I should have been a secret agent, or something.

  19. turnbaby Says:
    July 9th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Here you are talking about it—that’s good.

    I hope your drive was good and your wrist is not killing you.

    Smooch

    turnbabys last blog post..Clearly, They’ve Got Issues

  20. Sybil Law Says:
    July 9th, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    Again - I feel the same way! I think I get irritated because people around me want my time and attention, and I fell like, clearly, I need some time ALONE to think. When they keep busting in on my headspace, I get irritable.
    Hope things mellow for you.

    Sybil Laws last blog post..Flying Pigs

  21. sue Says:
    July 10th, 2008 at 9:31 am

    I am soooo imperfect.

    sues last blog post..Small Town

  22. Selma Says:
    July 10th, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    Life is so hard sometimes. It is imperfect in most ways. I often wake up in the morning and think :’Just give me something, anything.’ I don’t really know who I’m talking to or what I’m asking for. I just want things to be on a bit more of an even keel. I’m terrible at asking for help. It is one of my great failings. I hope things work out for you. Best wishes.

    Selmas last blog post..Ghost Story

  23. Winter Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 7:02 am

    You can always put a positive spin on it, ya know. Sometimes those negative patterns can drive you into places you might not expect. Then you find new people there. Sorta like getting lost in the ghetto, but finding a totally cool discount designer shoe store hidden away in a strip mall there…

    Winters last blog post..Can Vampires Be Gay?

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