August 4th, 2008

8 Simple Rules For Being My Friend…

This is not a meme…it’s just plain me.  I’ve been playing around with “duh-tard” rules on Twitter…yanno, common sense things like “Don’t wear a red shirt to Target unless you *want* people to ask you where the bathroom is”.  In doing so (and being extremely silly and lame), I discovered a post idea.  Take it with a grain of sea-salt, would ya?

Honesty: I’m the type of person that can handle pretty much any secret that you’ve got, even ones that you’re scared will make me run away. Hell, I’m the type of *friend* that will help you hide the bodies if need be. Sure, I may suggest you go to therapy directly thereafter, but I’ll stand by you while you cover up your crazy messes. However…the second you fucking lie to me? I’m pretty much done. I don’t care about the things you don’t want to tell me because they are your own personal secrets. I totally *understand* needing to keep things locked inside and would never get pissy at someone for not wanting to divulge all of who they are to little old me. The thing that will drive me away faster than garlicky smoker’s breath is a flat-out lie. Once you completely lie to me, especially about something petty and stupid, you can bet that we’re pretty much done. I do take things on a case by case basis, of course, but sheesh…you all know what I mean!

Sense of Humor: This one is pretty self-explanatory, isn’t it?  Let me be more specific though.  I don’t require ALL of my friends to always be “on” and act like total hams.  What I mean by “sense of humor” is that you have the capability to laugh, capacity to find things funny, and the non-douchebaginess to not look at me like I’m an ass whenever I am silly.

Trustworthiness: I know that I’ve mentioned here several times that people tend to tell me all of their secrets. If you only knew half of the shit I’m keeping inside right now, your heads would explode. No really, they totally would! Being a person that is both blessed and cursed with being trustworthy, I know exactly how easy it actually is not to spread people’s gossip all over the damned universe. Some days are harder than others, especially when I get random juicy tidbits of fluff gossip, but I look at it this way: I keep the fluff gossip to myself as well because keeping those secrets might lead to more trust from my friends in the future. Earning trust is like gathering Coke Rewards and a lot of people just don’t get that. Anydiddle…the moment you tell someone one of my secrets, it’s on. Furthermore, the moment you take one of my best friends’ precious secrets and spread that in the same way you probably spread your legs? Yeah, my trust for you is gone then too. Some people say you can still have a friendship without trust. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.

Intelligence: Again, I am not looking for Einstein here, nor do I care what your IQ is.  All I want is to hang out with people who can talk about things without saying “ain’t got no Wal Mart” every five seconds.  There’s a huge difference between book smarts and social smarts as well.  I generally hang out with people that have a mixture of both.

Hygiene: I’ll admit it…I am grossed out by bad hygiene or even “somewhat poor” hygiene.  It’s all very simple, sheesh.  Shower every day…no, not every other day.  Every fucking day.  Unless you’re laid up with an injury or of a an ethnic background where it’s not uncommon to skip a day, seriously dude…wash yourself.  I don’t care if you did nothing but “sit around the house all day yesterday”.   Holy fuck - your body still secreets sweat, juices, fluids and you still go to the bathroom!  Also, brush your teeth at least twice a day, for fucks sake.  Wash your hands after using the restroom.  Wash your hands before and after cooking.  Blah blah blah…I really shouldn’t even have to say these things and yet, erm…yeah.

Manners:  “Please” and “thank you” are not optional…ever.  Saying “bless you” or whatever variation of that you choose after someone sneezes *is* optional but it I find it rude when people don’t.  Everything else is gravy and I cannot dictate how anyone lives his or her life.  Manners are important to me because *I* use them every day and in every way.  For example, I still believe that the elderly have the right of way therefore I hold doors open for them and let them get in and out of elevators first.  Sure, half of them are crotchety fucking farts who need a lesson in manners themselves but my behavior should not be based on someone else’s standard of conduct but rather my own.  Oh and men…if you want to make me swoon???  Hold the door open for me.  I never expect it but when it happens, it sure is nice.

Common Sense: If you eat the last of my peanut butter, just tell me so I can get some more.  Yes, that is my only example.  Whatever.  Common sense dictates that this post is getting too long.  I know you’re picking up what I’m putting down though, right?

Good Taste in Music: Okay okay, this is not really a requirement.  Just so you know though, we can be *friends* if you listen to craptastic Country music and all that…just don’t ever expect me to ride in your car.  Or come to your house.  Or vacation with you by a pool.  Yanno, anything where music is required.

I Finally Got An iPhone Kisses!
Me

Posted in Friendship, Hilly On A Tangent, Snackie Snark | Comments (38)

38 Responses to “8 Simple Rules For Being My Friend…”

  1. Avitable Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    Uh oh. I only brush my teeth in the morning usually, and I don’t know if I actually have common sense!

    Avitables last blog post..Rocking out with her brass balls out

  2. Hilly Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Avitable: Hahaha, well…since we aren’t in the same room, let alone state, the teeth issue can slide. For now.

    :whistle:

  3. Avitable Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    I also chew about a pack of gum a day until I go to bed. I never have bad breath!

    Avitables last blog post..Rocking out with her brass balls out

  4. Dickie Maxx Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    You forgot to mention the willingness to get you a cookie even if it is just before lunch.

    Dickie Maxxs last blog post..Why I Still Go to Gay Pride

  5. Miss Britt Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    YOU GOT AN IPHONE!?!? I thought you were just doing the driving???

    I brush my teeth twice a day.

    But I do NOT wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom. I also don’t pee on myself.

    Does this mean we have to break up? Damn it.

    Miss Britts last blog post..I am too tired to write this post well, but I wanted you to know…

  6. Gina Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    All of those are in my list of “requirements” for a friend too. The music one is optional, of course. I may be inspired to do a similar list on my own blog, if you don’t mind. :sleep:

  7. seekerchic Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    Country Music makes me SICK!! Mostly LOVE all other!

    MUST have spending money is another pre-requisite, ha ha!!!

  8. Hilly Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    Adam: Ah well, the gum is where it’s at.

    Britt: Oy. We’re not breaking up but…oy. ;)

    Gina: I totally don’t mind at all!

    seekerchic: That is a good one, actually. It’s hard to go do things with people that don’t have spending money.

  9. Dagny Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    The handwashing should not be limited to just before and after cooking. Often hands need to be washed during cooking as well to prevent cross-contamination.

    Oh, and it really irks me when someone doesn’t offer their seat to an elderly person. I always do.

    Dagnys last blog post..The tunes continue

  10. manager mom Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 2:17 pm

    Hm… you’re more forgiving than I am. I can’t stomach people who listen to crappy music. (and oh by the way, there is such a thing as good country, it’s just kind of hard to find). Loving Celine Dion = you are dead to me.

    manager moms last blog post..The Miseducation Of America’s Youth

  11. Unkey Monkey Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    I LOVE to wear my red polo shirt to Target when i know they are really busy. People talk to me. I don’t even buy anything most of the time. Sometimes i help people get strollers down off the upper shelf, because then i get to talk baby-talk to their babies. I love babies! But sometimes, if it’s an ugly baby, i say, “Oh, i don’t work here.”

    Unkey Monkeys last blog post..Very Special Thanks to Paul and Hilly!

  12. suze Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    I think your list is pretty much my list. I can’t stand being lied to, you lie to me, you break my trust and we can’t be friends anymore because if I can’t trust you then what’s the point?

    suzes last blog post..there is, in fact, such a thing as too many jelly belly jelly beans…

  13. jester Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    My rules are much simpler -

    Don’t fuck with me and it’s cool.

    Must love animals.

    So uh… which one of these have I violated lately? I don’t shower every day (usually do, but not always) however I am never far from deodorant, baby powder for the nether regions, and lots of handwashing.

    jesters last blog post..Umm… ok….

  14. libragirl Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    Ok I just lost my comment because I forgot my name.

    the only time i don’t wash after going to the bathroom is when I go in the middle of the night. But I wash my hands first thing in the morning.
    Music - I will travel with you if you listen to music I don’t like - but don’t be offended if I have my i-pod on
    everything else -I agree

    libragirls last blog post..Famous sightings

  15. Hilly Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    Dickie: Egads! Sorry I forgot you before. Yes, cookies are the big winner. YOU are the big winner. :)

  16. Hilly Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Dagny: You and I are the same in that respect!

    Manager Mom: Oh my GOD, I cannot stand her either. She makes me want to go deaf.

    Unkey Monkey: You are too funny! I can totally see you doing that just to have a good time, too.

    Suze: Amen, sistah. Once trust is gone, what is there?

    Jester: But isn’t loving YOU the same as loving an animal? A big SEXY animal???

    Libragirl: Well, I may break my own rules in the middle of the night as well, actually! But like you, I wash right when I get up!

  17. Hilly Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    PS - I just want to say that I don’t care what you do with your dirty ballsack or hoopiedoo in the privacy of your own home. Just…when you hang out with me…please wash it.

    :oy:

  18. Mattie Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    Gawd, I hate being a copy-cat but I would like to steal your theme for today … with a twist.

    I don’t have any friends anymore and maybe it’s because I’ve set the bar too high for anyone to be and remain my friend.

    So, I’m going to give this a lot of thought, put it out there, and see if anyone thinks my standards are too high.

    My motto: Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

    Here’s an example of what makes me totally happy, almost orgasmic:

    A shower
    Clean jammies
    clean sheets from the clothesline, fresh smelling!

    That was yesterday - I had all three happening at the same time! Multiple waves of orgasmic-like pleasure!

    I even went to bed early so I could climb in and roll around on the sheets for a while.

    I’m too weird for my own good.

    Matties last blog post..Cha-Ching and Other Things

  19. Finn Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm

    Oh yeah, babe. We could hang. :booze:

  20. Sarah Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    I recently ended a friendship with a friend that I just couldn’t trust…it’s too much work to try and be friends with someone you lost trust in so I completely get your trust one. Well and all your other ones too.

    I brush my teeth twice a day and I floss too, they are extra clean. Except maybe not at the moment because I did just finish off a chocolate cupcake. Yum.

    Wait, where was I going with this again? Oy.

    Sarahs last blog post..The Mother’s New Job

  21. Karl Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    The trusting thing, yeah, I’m totally with you. I also agree with Paul…don’t fuck with me and we’ll be fine. That covers a lot of shit, though.

    Manners, with you on that, too. I don’t know why more people don’t have them. I was raised on that shit. Open the doors for other people - car doors, too - say “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me.”

    Hygiene, I too, don’t shower every day unless I’m going somewhere. Every other day, usually. But there are days I’m so freaking depressed I don’t leave the house or shower for a while. Again, though, if I leave the house, I’m showering.

    Karls last blog post..Of Dungeons and Dragons and Hollywood Stars

  22. Sybil Law Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    You and I could cohabitate very easily, I think. I agree with all of it, completely. I had a friend who lied about the dumbest shit, all the time. Not usually to me, but to others, and I found I just couldn’t trust her based on that alone. That, and she was stalking/ copying me like Single White Female. :)
    Sybil Laws last blog post..Et Tu, Blogger?

  23. Winter Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    I don’t shampoo the hair everyday. If I did my scalp would peel off thanks to my lovely allergies to… soap stuffs.

    Handwashing and teeth are a must.

    I don’t quite agree with the whole “don’t fuck with me and all will be cool” thing. With me, it’s more like “don’t fuck with the people I care about” ie Motley, Rott, my friends, my kittehs.

    If someone spills my secrets… they are dead to me. So is someone who listens to nothing but rap while bad mouthing anything and everything I listen to. I don’t really give a fuck what people listen to, just don’t try to shove YOUR music choices down my throat while heaping doggy doo on MY music choices.

    Winters last blog post..Grill Me

  24. floating princess Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    Bad hygiene is one of my biggest pet peeves! That and bad manners.

    I’m not sure what my must-have qualities for friendship are, but there must be a lot because I have few close friends. Part of it is that I have so little extra time in my life after work and family that I’m pretty picky how I spend it and with whom. I’m also pretty emotionally over-tired lately, so that all-take and no-give kind of friends have been eliminated. It sounds harsh, but sometimes self-preservation has to kick in!

    You can listen to any kind of music you want, though. Just not in my car ;)

    p.s. I just got an iPhone too and I can’t stop fondling it! I makes me happy on the inside!

  25. Justin Scott Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 2:14 am

    So is Jester kicked off the short list? This part leads me to believe so, “without saying ‘ain’t got no Wal Mart’ every five seconds.”

    I’m just saying :doh:

  26. Poppy Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 5:10 am

    Congratulations on the iPhone!!! :beer:
    Poppys last blog post..my favorite number

  27. hello haha narf Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 7:01 am

    holy hell, hill! you are speaking for me AGAIN! i wholeheartedly believe in everything you wrote here. damn, woman, how do you do that? :borg:
    hello haha narfs last blog post..NEED, Not Want, Another Tattoo

  28. hello haha narf Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 7:03 am

    although i am probably much more forgiving of the bad musical tastes seeing as how i’m pretty fucked up on that one.
    :)
    hello haha narfs last blog post..NEED, Not Want, Another Tattoo

  29. Ginger Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 8:23 am

    We have almost identical friend rules. I’ll bet we’d hit it off just smashingly. :)
    Gingers last blog post..Smothered and Burned

  30. Lisa Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 9:16 am

    I think your list is really quite basic but then again I agree with it 100%. Hmm, maybe that’s why I like you. ;)

  31. John Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 9:46 am

    People with manners don’t need common sense. They go buy you NEW peanut butter.

    : )

    Johns last blog post..BLT and CSN

  32. Dragon Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    8 checks! Can I be your friend now? :)
    Dragons last blog post..Potato and Tomato Pesto Salad

  33. Bully Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    Hey Hilly– totally with you on the lying thing. Even if I perceive that you are lying…I’ll call you out on it, demand an answer. I need to have stable ground underfoot, to trust.

    Also, the hardest thing it seems for people to give is “Don’t Fuck with me” thing. I feel like respect should be at the top of the list, a natural give and take. Without respect, a conflict is inevitable. Oh yes. :-)
    I am only fluffy on the outside layer!

  34. Atomic Bombshell Says:
    August 6th, 2008 at 10:57 am

    Those are great rules! But uh, I don’t know if we can be friends because I don’t have great taste in music, and sometimes I save money by dry cleaning my work clothes less than I ought to.

  35. Karen Sugarpants Says:
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    What Lisa said! Great post Hilly!

    Karen Sugarpantss last blog post..Up Goes Mr. Down

  36. Music Reviews Says:
    August 24th, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    Thanks to the article, Now there is more reason to comment than ever before! Everyone should participate. I am incorporating what your wrote to our project!

  37. Five Simple Rules to Be My Friend : seeginablog.com Says:
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    [...] of my blogger pals, Hilly, recently put up a post on simple rules to be her friend and she permitted me to post a similar list on my own blog, as I was so inspired by her list.  [...]

  38. See Gina Blog » Five Simple Rules to Be My Friend Says:
    September 16th, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    [...] of my blogger pals, Hilly, recently put up a post on simple rules to be her friend and she permitted me to post a similar list on my own blog, as I was so inspired by her list.  [...]

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