August 29th, 2008

Adore Your Inner Whore…

Yesterday a friend and I were talking about the Hot Blogger Calendar thingie and both of us agreed that if we never have to see another person whore themselves out for votes on their blogs, we’d be thrilled.  Don’t get me wrong here…I’m not judging you if you are one of the many that have banners, ads, crotchlessness, or have made promises you don’t intend to keep just to win this thing.  That’s YOUR bag even if it certainly isn’t mine.  It’s not that I think it’s stupid or anything like that either…I just don’t care about it.  Especially not enough to read about it day in and day out.

Before you call me a snarky bitch, just wait.  I actually have a point.

The thing about me not wanting to read about this damned calendar or other things that may be making my nerves all crazy is the fact that I don’t have to.  I can simply hit my F1 button to take me to my next feed and move right along.  There is no call for me to make a snarky statement on your blog nor is there any reason for me to be some fucking drama whore that makes you feel bad about yourself because you dare care about your hotness factor.  It all boils down to my life philosophy.

Live and let live.

I get so irritated when people attack others for doing things that they actually think are radical badical, just because the other person thinks it is the suck.  In my world, this often comes in the form of judgment about which diet I am on at any given time.  Recently, I decided to go on the South Beach Diet as a result of talking to Foo about how she’s been doing on it, as well as hearing from my sister’s boyfriend that it’s a pretty good way to lose weight.  After also reading books and making an informed decision, I decided to try it.  It’s funny too because the topic fell into my lap almost exactly right after I decided that I really needed to go on a sugar detox and cut the refined ones out of my life.  Anyway, someone who shall remain nameless gave me a heaping spoonful of their hoity shit that apparently doesn’t stink by telling me that I am a fool for doing anything other than Weight Watchers.  This person then continued on to yap and yap and yap, almost to the point that they were making fun of me for being fat.  The statement “you’d still be thinner if you had just stayed on Weight Watchers, so you basically did this to yourself” was uttered.  I believe my last email back to this person said, “don’t ever fucking email me again”.

Yeah, sometimes I can be a sensitive and bitchy.

The thing about this girl though is that she lost 140 pounds about five years ago and has managed to keep off between 80-100 of it, depending on the “tragedies” going on in her life.  I’d normally not be so flippant about tragedies but seriously, she got a bad hair cut and put on 15 pounds.  Oh wait, is that me being Judy McJudgerpants?  Hrm…anyway, she is the kind of person that brings up her weight loss in every conversation even if the convos have absolutely no relation to anything close to sorta matching the weight loss subject.  And what’s even worse is that she bursts out with her janky ass tourettes statement of “well I lost 100 pounds so I know suffering” and when no one fawns all over her, she acts all nonchalant.  “Phew”, she says, “I sure am glad they let that subject drop quickly without making too big of a deal about my accomplishment.  You know how I hate to be the center of attention”.

Clearly, bitch.

It’s one thing to be a whore and admit it.  *That* I can take and live with when I see others do it because hell, at least they are being themselves and are being honest.  And uh, I have no idea why I am saying “they” instead of “we” cause I’m not innocent when it comes to the whoredom scale either.  Anyway, if you are going to make blanket statements that basically say, “me me me” as you tug on someones pant leg, then fucking own up to it later.  Don’t act coy and pretend that you never wanted people to clap for you when they don’t.  That makes you even more sad and pathetic, really.

Uh, what was that I said?  Oh right, live and let live.  I forgot.

So, in summation, to wrap this up the best way I can, I need to tell you something.  You need to get your asses over to Snackie TeeVee and subscribe or sign up to be contributors.  I’m so awesome and so is my teevee site…go now now now!  If you do, I will take off my bra, run around making you all cupcakes and um, make a banner that I put up here every day for a week!  Yanno, or not.

Winky Cunt Kisses,
Me

Posted in Hilly's Life 2008, Random Schmandom, Snackie Snark | Comments (34)

34 Responses to “Adore Your Inner Whore…”

  1. Dave2 Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    I totally am, and I so do.

    But you knew that already. :-)

    Dave2s last blog post..Remainder

  2. Sybil Law Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    I will be over there as soon as I finish this comment.
    I hate people who think that THEIR way is the only way in general.
    I knew a girl from high school who lost a lot of weight. I was really proud of her, and told her how great she looked, etc. And I was very excited for her, for a long time. But then, like the person you’re talking about, everything revolved around her weight loss, and it really got on my nerves! I was still excited for her, but it was like, “Will you shut the fuck UP about it already?! That was a year ago, and it has nothing to do with college applications!”
    I never said that, but MAN I really wanted to!
    Now I am off to stalk you on teevee…
    :D
    Sybil Laws last blog post..School Daze

  3. Nat Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    I hear you. Will you vote me in the next popularity contest?

    (My mom lost like 50 lbs on South Beach and has kept a lot of it off. My former psycho PT lost 150 pounds, on WW — she’s had “tragedies” — she’s put 160 back on. So whatever…)

    Nats last blog post..Butt butt butt

  4. Snarky O'Toole Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    I heard “crotchlessness” and lost my train of thought…

    Oh yeah… dieting. I was on the South Park Diet. I lost 74 lbs of Kenny back in 2001 and have kept it off, more or less, ever since.

    I’d do your little teevee thingie but I don’t watch enough to warrant an opinion, although that shouldn’t really stop me should it?

  5. whall Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    You know, if *I* were writing on your blog, I’d be pimping out McWayne for President. *That’s* what you should be doing.

    /snark

    Anyway, I’m also a fan of reactive disagreement, which is what I read from your post. It’s one thing to have an opinion, and even better if one is passionate about it. It’s one of the things that makes humanity so enthralling.

    But it’s the act of being PROactive about disagreement that pisses me off. People who are PROactive about complaining are essentially selling hatred. They are the Amway reps of negative emotion.

    An OK conversation:
    ——————-
    Joe: Hey how’s it hangin?
    Bob: Fine. Look at that weather wouldja.
    Joe: Looks like rain.
    Bob: Yup.
    Joe: Seems we’ll have a new president soon.
    Bob: Yup. Who you voting for?
    Joe: I like Bush.
    Bob: Yeah, I don’t like him so much. I disagree with him on X, Y, and Z
    Joe: Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that. I really feel X, Y and Z.
    Bob: Good points. If those things were important to me, I might agree with you
    Joe: Well, I gotta go, so see ya!
    Bob: Yup, good talkin’ to ya.

    A not-OK conversation:
    ———————-
    Joe: Hey how’s it hangin?
    Bob: DID YOU KNOW I HATE BUSH?!?! Yeah, he kills black people and pisses on crippled children! He’s a moronic stupidhead, can’t talk right and he doesn’t care about our kids and just wants money for oil croneys. Want a bumper sticker like mine? Here, I got one for you. He’s evil! I hate him! If you don’t hate him, you’re stupid!
    Joe: (walks away slowly)

    whalls last blog post..VLOG Episode #8: Wayne’s 3-minute DITL

  6. Miss Britt Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    Oh Jesus, people really need to lighten the fuck up.

  7. Blondefabulous Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    I voted for you….. without being prompted. What can I say, being humble is hot! (Or what ever it is you do!)

    Blondefabulouss last blog post..It’s A Hanna, But Not Montana!

  8. Avitable Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    Huh?

  9. Finn Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    When will people learn that what works for you might not work for everyone?

    I like South Beach. A good balance, and much easier than WW IMO. All that counting made me insane ( I was on it after I had Lil’ M to lose the baby weight). I didn’t stay on it long, but found something similar to South Beach (before SB existed or we knew it existed) that I still do to this day.

    Screw people and their opinions (yes, even me!). Do what feels right for you.

  10. Hilly Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    Dave: Yes, pumpkin. I know you’re proud to be a whore.

    Sybil: I am doing much better at holding my tongue this week than I was a month ago. I know how hard it is sometimes.

    Nat: The thing I like is that it seems like people lose a lot quickly in phase one. While that is not healthy in the long run, success is a great “kick start” for me.

    Snarky: Never stopped me or anyone else I’m friends with… ;)

    Wayne: Ummmm…

    Britt: Like I said to you in email, for me it’s not about the contest itself as much as feeling overly saturated by it. I thought I’d type that here too because a.) I’m a whore and b.) I don’t want anyone to mistake my intent.

    Blondefabulous: Ha, I am not sure humble is the word but we’ll figure it out. Ha.

    Adam: Wha?

    Finn: Down with opinions! I like it.

  11. Poppy Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    I don’t want a cookie or anything, and I really never intended to tell you, but I totally used my one and only girl vote to vote for you.

    As for someone telling you you’re fat: I don’t care who it is, even if it was my own mom, I’d tell that person to go fuck him or herself. No one needs to tell me how to lose weight. That’s no one’s business but my own, unless I ask for advice.

    I don’t need to be bribed with bra shots or cupcakes to subscribe. :)
    Poppys last blog post..Space-y morning vlog

  12. Miss Britt Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    And I should say what I said via email so there is no confusion -

    I’M NOT CUSSING OUT HILLY.

  13. Crys Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    wait, F1?

  14. Hilly Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    Poppy: That is really sweet. When someone told me that I had like 10 votes, I was shocked. I thought I’d have to make a banner too, but yet…nope. I won’t bribe you but yanno, you are always welcome to my cupcakes.

    Yes, Britt and I :pph: each other!

    Crys: Feed Demon, not Google Reader.

  15. Crys Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    because i give drunken tarot readings to strangers in bars who pay for those drinks, i feel uniquely qualified to counsel you on the matter of this 100 pound lighter so-called friend of yours who apparently knows about emailing.

    she is a twat.

    further, when people are really and truly bad twats, they ought to be avoided at all costs. of course don’t get me started, because there all kinds of twats and some of them are even great twats, but this 100 pound lighter twat person is not of that variety. she is instead a very shady and very ATTN WHORE twat, the worst of them all (also the easiest to pick out in a twat lineup).

    twats who need attn need it because they do not know how to love themselves (not like THAT; mind out of the gutter, woman), therefore must turn outwardly to people who (ultimately) do not care, for that which they cannot give themselves. it’s sad really, and Jesus and i have had more than a few conversations about it over cocktails at my place, but in the end nothing can extricate her from the endless twatness but herself. won’t happen because alas, twats in fact do not have eyes. true story.

    Jesus and i of course would pray, but we don’t have that kind of time.

    Cryss last blog post..Him/Me

  16. Crys Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    oh my apologies, because i think i may have said twat or something up there in that last comment.

    totally my bad

    Cryss last blog post..Him/Me

  17. floatingprincess Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    I love the glory hounds! At least they’re predictable! My sister is like that about her recent weight loss. Woe to he who does not make a comment or utter sufficient praise about her hard work! She will then talk about it until you have to either muzzle her or make the appropriate attagirl noises just to shut her up.

    As far as South Beach vs. other weight loss programs, if there was one best plan wouldn’t everyone be doing it? It always seems like it’s the WW’ers who have so much to say about other plans. What is it that makes them so militant? (speaking from former we experience myself - I don’t want everyone to think I’m hating on the ww)

  18. Karen Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Have I mentioned recently that I love you. Seriously, you say things and I feel like you are channeling my thoughts.

    Live and Let Live!

    Karens last blog post..Randomness - Current Pet Peeve Addition

  19. Stephanie Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    What does it say about me as a person that I cannot think of anything now besides a “winky cunt”.

    Thanks for that image…i won’t sleep at all tonight. :cry:
    Stephanies last blog post..What’s up bitchesssss?????????????????

  20. Stephanie Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    And please ignore the idiot that forgot to subscribe to the comments.
    Carry on. :ninja:
    Stephanies last blog post..What’s up bitchesssss?????????????????

  21. Stephanie Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    Sonofabitch.

    Now I’m subscribing for sure.
    Ahem.

    Stephanies last blog post..What’s up bitchesssss?????????????????

  22. kilax Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    I hate that everyone thinks what everyone else eats/does with their body is any of their damn business, fuck off people.

  23. Atomic Bombshell Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    There are free cupcakes involved?! I’m in.

    Atomic Bombshells last blog post..Nightmare

  24. *pixie* Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    I agree with Karen—you are awesome to the nth degree.

    *pixie*s last blog post..I’m not wearing any pants

  25. Bec Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    While I do adore my inner whore I prefer yours! And you don’t need any calendar to tell you you’re hot - you’ve got a mirror for that!

    Becs last blog post..Birthdays and All That.

  26. Carrie Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    Yea! I’m so glad Snackie teevee is back!!!!!!!!!!! It was my favorite source of all things teevee. I’m a Survivor watcher and blog reader who is looking forward to Gabon.

  27. Winter Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    First, I’m laughing my ass off at Dave and Crys. Second, I think I woulda ditched that person long before they got to the statement where you put your foot down. See, you may be more snarky than me, but I take less shit from people than you do. Unless we’re talking about my kid. Then clearly, I take more shit than the entire world. I mean, I fell down and hurt my crown thanks to that kid’s laziness… Ummm, where was I? Oh yeah! I don’t tolerate shit from people. I delete, delete, delete them fairly quickly if they are not genuine. I don’t suffer fools. Full stop. I’m glad you ditched her. You don’t need that crap in your life.

    I can’t do Snackie teevee, love. I don’t watch TV. Ok, maybe I watch a little In Plain Sight. Christian de la Fuente. Yum. I’ll check out the site though, cause I luvs you. Good luck with South Beach!

    Winters last blog post..That Does It

  28. Sarah Says:
    August 29th, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    Geez Hilly it seems you just seem to find yourself around some real winners there.

    My Mom tried the South Beach Diet and I’m sure she would have lost more weight if I didn’t ruin it for her (I was younger and being a really picky eater it was hard for her to stick with the diet and still make me something I wanted to eat).

    Good luck to you my dear! If it works for you do it, that’s my motto. (or the motto I just came up with because it sounds good)

    Sarahs last blog post..HNT 2

  29. Angie Says:
    August 30th, 2008 at 4:55 am

    You know that I’m an avowed WWer, because **look at me, look at me, once upon a time I lost some weight** :clap:

    Sorry, got a little carried away…

    Anyway (and don’t tell anyone because I might get my WW leader card taken away or something), I have tried S. Beach a couple of times when I wanted to drop a few pounds quickly and was tired of counting points. It’s all about what works for you. I can’t do S. Beach long-term, but it’s always a good reminder that I should eat more of those damn veggies! Good luck!

    Angie

  30. DutchBitch Says:
    August 30th, 2008 at 5:13 am

    People need to mind their own fucking business… Seriously… Andt hey need to realize that what goes for them does not necessarily go for other people and suck it up and deal with it… without being a pain… :rock

    I’ll check out the Snackie TeeVee blog but ya know, seeing as I can’t get US TV and we are about 10,000 lightyears behind on all possible US series… I don’t think I’ll be of much help. LOL

    DutchBitchs last blog post..Soon, I promise, soon!

  31. Foo Says:
    August 30th, 2008 at 7:44 am

    Yay for SB and yay for the return of Snackie Teevee.

    I would have to agree with Floating Princess. I was so loyal to WW it was a problem. I obsessed about my success, I talked about it, blogged about it and I spouted shit that it was the end all/be all and now I know that people need to choose what works for them. I’m not saying SB is better than WW, just different and I needed a change.

  32. SJ Says:
    August 30th, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    This may be the finest snark ever written. Truly superb. :clap:

    People who think WW is the Magic Pill make me laugh. I’ve tried it four times in my life, and it’s never worked worth a damn for ME. My metabolism is so effing slow I have to take drastic measures to lose at all. The challenge is in finding something drastic enough to work, but that I can also live with long term. And sadly, my body regards anything white (bread, potatoes, sugar, mascarpone cheese) as cocaine and screams for it.

    Anyway, yeah. Don’t be a hater. Let everyone dance to their own beat. Rock on.

    [I'm sorry. I completely lost my train of thought after typing "mascarpone."]

    SJs last blog post..In praise of memes

  33. Kyra Says:
    August 30th, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    Late to the party (per my usual) but I wanted to chime in and say a huge reason I sought getting my PT certification was being fed up with the crap people tried to push in your direction as the holy grail of weightloss. It’s just NOT that simple. Even if you find yours, it’s not someone else’s. It’s extremely complicated.

    But then, everyone judges everyone by their weight and appearance now. Pulling out your “diet” club card is practically like whipping out your passport at immigration now. *sigh*

    Kyras last blog post..Cursed

  34. Stacey Says:
    September 1st, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    Geez, some people treat WW like its their religion (not all, but some!) That’s why I quit, one too many of the WeightWatcherites telling me that if I missed meetings I was going to burn in hell… er, I mean, never lose the weight.

    Whatevah, I do what I want! (12lbs, 12 months doing what I want. Slow, but the right direction.)

    Staceys last blog post..A to Z at the Oregon State Fair

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