August 12th, 2008
Today I feel completely “done”. Before I go on, I just want to state for the record that this is not a cry for attention. I’m not here talking about shutting down my blog because I want people to beg me to stay. I’ve always hated fishing and I’m not about to start doing it now!
However, I swear on all that is holy, there are some days that I want to just “quit the Internet” entirely. This means no blogging, no Twitter, no instant messenger, no emails, nothing. I want to force people to communicate with me in a courteous fucking manner. You know how it is, right? People do things on the great Wide Wide Wold of Web that they’d not do in everyday life. No, not everyone does this but right now there are enough people doing it that it makes me want to scream and run for the hills, where a wonderful woodsy cabin sits by a lakeside. Of course, I’ll need a man to come with me and help alleviate my frustrations by uh…letting me watch him chop wood? Oh okay, or whatever else comes to mind.
Seriously though, I am at one of those crossroads. I’m frustrated with myself and with the way some people have been acting lately. I’ve no idea how to confront people in a more affable manner without walking away from them for awhile in order to do so. Selfishness, cruelty, and a general disregard for someones emotions are not even close to awesome OR sexy, by the way. I see sarcasm taken so far that it actually becomes douchebaggery. It’s not my place to say anything though, so I walk away, feeling a bit slimier for having not said anything. I detest drama so I bite my lip even when the most heinous of things jump out at me like something from a horror film. I keep swimming, keep going, keep ignoring…basically, I keep shoving it down inside of me until, like a volcano, I feel ready to erupt.
This is where I am today…ready to open my mouth and spew venom with a side of pea soup. I know that when pushed against a proverbial wall, I push back way harder than I should. I’ve let things fester. I’ve let things go. I’ve been ignoring the other million hard situations I need to deal with in order to focus on the main one right now (yanno, my marriage). Yesterday I took a baby step by getting rid of this guy on Twitter that was a total assmonkey to me every time he spoke to me. He made light of yesterday’s video blog by telling me that it sucks that I don’t have real problems but rather appearance issues, blah blah. As I sat there and readied myself to ignore his third rude tweet to me in as many days, I kicked myself in the ass and thought, “Why are you not ridding this crap from your life? Why do you ignore rather than make it go away one way or the other?”.
The sad thing about this post is that I am writing it directly after I received some of the most wonderful comments and support stemming from yesterday’s video blog post. For the record, I’m not forgetting those. In fact, I have those tucked deep into my left shirt pocket, right next to my heart. The thing is that I am ALWAYS Polyanna in these situations, pointing out the good and the lovely. For all my sarcasm, I am the eternal optimist who sees everyone’s glass as half full, even when certain glasses are full of Bacardi and Asshat. I’m not becoming jaded at all. I’m just revisiting my snarky side today…the side that is so fucking done that she needs a day off, maybe two.
People are going to act how they are going to act. I need to decide how that fits in with what I want for my life. Taking some time off will be a very good thing. Unfortunately, I can’t do it today but maybe soon. Oh and before you ask, none of this is cryptic at all. This is just how I feel in general, sans specifics because trust me, in the specifics lies the true venom.
She Really Doesn’t Think She’s The Queen Kisses,
Me
29 Responses to “Pulls Her Hair Back As She Screams…”
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Hilly Says...
August 12th, 2008 at 11:05 am
I totally understand how you feel. Now that all forms of communication web-based have really taken off, it seems to just highlight the really really good and the really really bad in people. It also seems to be becoming an excuse for a lot of people to avoid having REAL social interaction. How frightening!
Many days it leaves me exhausted, but I can’t seem to walk away entirely for the good people out there.
*sigh*
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Some people suck at life, that’s for sure.
But you are not one of those people!
That guy sounds like a complete douchnozzle. That makes me mad - what’s the point?!
Anyway, hope your day gets better, and you’re right - some people you just need to kick outta your life. If they bring you down more than build you up, they serve no purpose.
Sybil Laws last blog post..Give It Away Now
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:18 am
You’re one of the best people I know. Truly.
And, I know your life is really fucking hard right now, and I wish I could fix it somehow. Because that’s me. I like to fix things.
Things will get better. Ignore the assholes on twitter. (SOLIDARITY!)
Take a few days off if you need to. You know I’ll still be here when you come back.
adenas last blog post..Funniest Thing Ever!
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I’m sorry that guy was a complete jackass to you. It’s so easy to be shitty to people when you hide behind a computer screen.
I know what you mean though. Sometimes I wonder why I’m still here.
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I know how you feel honey. I’m feeling kind of douchey for posting a self-indulgent gooey blog yesterday.
But some people on the internet really take things to a ridiculous/rude/stupid level.
I hope things start to look up a bit..
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:20 am
i’ve known people like that; who for no good reason are passive-aggressive or make belittling comments just for the smell of it. it sucks. and you know, life’s too short, honey. personally, i’d rather be alone reading a good book (btw, get The Gargoyle — NOW!!!!) than in a room filled with people who didn’t really care about me.
weed them out, one by one. you don’t even have to say anything or cause drama, just eliminate; discriminate. seriously: make room in your life for people of REAL quality, instead of filling it with people who don’t even deserve a seat at the table.
olives.
Cryss last blog post..Karl’s radio show and the perils of non-bombasticism
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Yep. Time to do some cleanin’ of house methinks. I think it is because we as women are raised with that, “Smooth over everything and act like everything is OK.” mentality. My Mom did that for me and I can look back and see many times where I put up with being a doormat in jobs, relationships, and friendships because I didn’t want to hurt anyones feelings, or I didn’t want to seem rude, yadda yadda yadda. Well, now I just say FUCK THAT! If you are an ass, I’m gonna call you an ass and tell you to go fuck off. I don’t have enough time in my day to waste it on jerks and morons.
You kick ass girl! :rock
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
As far as I am concerned you are both a rockstar & hawt…
That’s all
From THE RiceWenchie
RiceWenchies last blog post..Garde Manger & Buffet Ahoy
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Listen, I’ve been there. Personally.
So I feel not only justified but A BETTER AUTHORITY THAN ANYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD* when I say this to you:
Let ‘er RIP!
(*OK, maybe not Dave. But Dave’s going to be all zen about it. So, um, ignore him.)
Miss Britts last blog post..One Year: the real reason I didn’t blog this earlier
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Ah, but you did ditch him. That is the important part. And it really didn’t take you that long to do. I know shit like that leaves a residue in your mouth though. And believe you me, the courtesy on the internet thing has so fucking pissed me off lately. People who are your friends, just walking away from your convo with them… Well, you know I blogged about it. It really boils down to something a consultant once told me. People need to realize that the internet is just another form of communication just like the phone or talking face to face. You should always treat people as if you were standing in front of them. When you don’t it is a major reflection on you… and not a pretty reflection either. Good for you for the dumping. I saw the tweets and was annoyed myself. I’m not following anyone who does that kind of stuff so he goes off my Twitter too.
Winters last blog post..We’ve Got Big Balls
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I’ve started to remove blogs and Twitterers that suck recently, too. Time to focus on the good stuff. It’s like eating the creme from an Oreo and throwing away the shitty cookie parts!
Avitables last blog post..Huge Announcement
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August 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I know exactly what you mean. I thinned out my Google Reader to remove the people who were jerks. I have enough drama in my “real” life, I don’t need it here.
I am sorry you are having a bad day.
Karens last blog post..Changes…
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August 12th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
a few months back i took an entire week away from the internet and it was seriously so cathartic i’ll be doing it again soon. i think it’s a really great way to get some perspective, to shift your attentions away from the nasty trolls and onto those who really truly care about you.
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August 12th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
good for you to get rid of the negative and focus on the positive…that’s so important right now.
much love to you.
xo
Karen Sugarpantss last blog post..Here From Her Bad Mother?
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August 12th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
One of the most freeing things I have learned…and it took me 40 years to learn…is that I can not control how another person chooses to feel about me and I can not control what they choose to do or not do…and you know what? It’s ok. And most of the time, their actions are not really about me anyway. Many times people’s asshattery is about something inside of them that causes them to have to lash out at other people. And my, oh my, aren’t people brave behind a keyboard.
Hang in there and don’t let the turkeys get you down. I haven’t been reading you very long, but of what I have, I have no doubt that you are a very lovely person.
Gingers last blog post..I Won’t Back Down…
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August 12th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Remove ugliness and negativity from your life as if it were a pebble in your shoe. Otherwise, you’ll soon find that your shoes are full of rocks and you can’t walk anywhere at all.
Dave2s last blog post..Fairy
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August 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
The really screwed up thing is how hard it is to be free of people like that unless you actually do vacate all things made of ones and zeroes entirely… And that sucks. Makes you feel like a prisoner locked away from other people and things you enjoy just because of a few rotten apples.
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August 12th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Sweetie? The way I see it is you just abide by one rule and one rule only: Do what YOU feel is right and what is right FOR YOU!
Anything else doesn’t matter, certainly not what total asshats think…
Just sayin’…
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August 12th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I can’t say anything better than what has already been said.
But seriously, good for you for getting rid of that guy on Twitter. Personally I saw a lot more in your video post than appearance issues. But then I’m a better listener or I just don’t look for mean things to say in people’s posts.
Sarahs last blog post..Sleep
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August 12th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Hey, Hil… I don’t really know you, but I read the post and watched the video. Sounds to me like you already have the answers, just need to put ‘em into place. Although there is stuff that can totally crush a person, enduring internet jerkery will only make you stronger.
I think you’re okay. Cheers.
Whitenoises last blog post..calm before the storm
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August 12th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
If you need to take a break, you go right ahead. I’m sorry such people can be jackholes like that… seriously, who do they think they are to leave comments like that for other people…. I don’t know, I guess I don’t get it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but to dig into person things like appearance…? Sounds like he has some self conscious appearance issues himself.
I’m babbling now, just wanted to say I’m thinking about you during these next couple weeks and I hope things get better sooner than you think…
Hang in there Hilly…
Krystles last blog post..Take 5 Tuesdays…
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August 12th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
You’re going through a major life change right now. There are few more traumatic events for a person. Take the time you need to set your priorities for what is important to you right now. I recommend that you not delete your blog while you’re going through this change, but I would totally understand if you took a break from it. I had to take mini breaks and blog about fluff and be guarded on my blog while I went through the process last year. I hope you come out the other side with an even better sense of self and you feel like you did the right thing for you, because life is too short to worry if you’re fucking it up.
Blah blah blah I want some :cake: .
Poppys last blog post..sluuuuuuuuuuugs
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August 13th, 2008 at 6:52 am
I find you to be a genuine, generous person and I’m sorry you’re having to put up with someone who needs to learn some manners. Take a little break if you need it. And take care. XX
Selmas last blog post..Read It And Weep
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August 13th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Hilly, if you need a break, take it. I would go with your initial idea of a woodsy cabin by a lake (with no fishing). And the part about bringing a guy to chop wood…yeah, a guy with wood could be good. I so did not mean all those words to rhyme!
Anyhoo, take care of you.
Toodles~
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August 13th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Someone had to remind me that there may be a few douchebags out there but for just those few douches, there are far too many who are loving and supportive of you. Those are the ones who you should seek and tune out the jackasses.
Even though I had a forced vacation I’m glad I had it…and it was just a few days. People actually picked up the phone and CALLED me. That was novel!
Just take care of YOU.
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August 14th, 2008 at 8:48 am
* rolling up sleeves *
ok, whose ass do i gotta kick first? seriously, no one should be fucking with you. lemme at the cocksuckers.
hello haha narfs last blog post..HNT - My 16th Half Nekkid Thursday Is Another Guest
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August 14th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Asshats. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t sell ‘em for parts. Get rid of them.
Karls last blog post..Effing Computers
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August 14th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I do exactly the same thing as you, keep everything in until you blow up. It seems if I were to always speak my mind life would be an uphill battle.
That guy that was bothering you, could it be you were getting something (unhealthy) from that interaction? Or that you felt a certain feeling, albeit a bad one, but familiar? Just trying to think of why you’d keep him hanging around.
1 good thing about the internet is you can really turn people on & off. They’re in your world or not, it’s up to you.
janes last blog post..1 reason why I’m anonymous
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August 17th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I’m another one who’s been “cleaning house” online lately. Now that I’m limiting my daily computer time (*theoretically*), I’m not wasting any of it on people who bring negativity into my little world. And I’m dumping my feed reader AGAIN (3rd time) because I’d rather read fewer blogs in person than more from a distance.
Being online should be a pleasure, not a source of stress. Down with negativity!
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