August 22nd, 2008

Sometimes I Can Hold My Tongue (Sometimes Not)…

Last year, I somehow developed the pattern of posting to my blog every day, come hell or high water.  Lately, this is not the case at all.  Between a couple of conversations that I had with some friends yesterday, I realized that I’m slowly settling back into that “only post when I’ve got something interesting to say” mode.  I mean, I could come here and slap up a meme that lets you know what foods I have or have not eaten in my lifetime and be done with it.  But seriously?  Who gives a fuck about what nasty ass janky shit I’ve eaten in my life?  It feels a lot like “phoning it in” to me and rather than go down that path just so I have *something* to say, I’d rather say nothing at all.  Now then, before anyone gets defensive because you recently did that exact meme that I just ranked on?  It’s not about you and your blog habits…it’s about me and mine.  Believe me when I say that I hold a lot more judgment over my own blog than over yours.  And even if that’s not always the case, who cares?  No one died and made me Judge Judy and executioner anyway!  It’s just that I’m not okay with writing *just to write* anymore.  I’ve got to have something to say, a story to tell, or at least a fucking question to ask of my readers.

In case you hadn’t guessed it, the snarkstress is back.

You know, along with hardly writing anything over the last couple of weeks, I’ve also cut down my blog reading time drastically.  Sure sure, last week I was a wee bit depressed and sick but this week?  Not so much.  I’m actually in a really good place, kicking ass in the morning and taking names in the evening!  I’ve got a plan, the means to implement that plan, and the skies are looking blue, blah blah blah.  Needless to say, the life that I live outside of this computer is actually more fine and dandy than it has been in awhile.  Part of me just wants to enjoy these moments while I can and not taint them by a ton of time online and yet, there is that other ugly part of me that is ready to stabby stab stab her eyes out.

It’s no secret that patience is just not one of my virtues.  I’ve lived a lifetime of stuffing my impatience down as far as it will go, just to act like a normal member of society and/or not hurt a bunch of people’s feelings.  The truth is, no matter how nice I honestly am, I’m still easily annoyed.  The second piece of truth is that 80% of the time, I’m annoyed because of something inside of me that just can’t let the little shit go…but the other 20% of the time?  Yeah, it’s actually you being an annoying douchenozzle and thinking it’s fucking cute.  (Uh, and by “you”, I mean the random collective “you”, not you readers).  Anyway, part of trying so very hard to be nice and let stuff go means that I swallow a ton of my frustrations.  Generally, they go away and yanno, get flushed out with the rest of the crap.  However, there are times when the same frustrations build up to a boiling point and if I don’t walk away from you, I will sincerely boil over and scald you with vicious words.  This is not something I am proud of.  This is not me acting like a bad-ass.  This is a simple fact although I wish it were not.

Truthfully, I’ve been frustrated with some things that I’ve seen things online that just so happen to bleed into my real world as well.  I can’t handle hearing about the same shit over and over again, even when I’m the one doing the talking.  I’m not sitting in an ivory tower judging because I realize that the only way to recognize something annoying in someone else is to have it yourself.  I think they may have a stupid saying about that too.  Here’s the thing…real friendships are at risk if I don’t walk away now and gather my composure.  I’ve never had the fortitude to actually stay the hell away from my blog and Twitter on a full time basis, unless I’ve been out of town.  Even when I am feeling like shooting fire out of my eyes, I continue to read surreptitiously, thinking that if no one knows I’m there, I won’t have to pretend that everything is okay.

Let’s all pause so I can snort, m’kay?

I make this sound a lot worse than it really is because, well…I’ve almost reached a point of no return.  I’m frustrated but it’s not really a blogging thing.  It’s more about friendships and lines in the sand and oh my GOD, I am being cryptic again…sorry!  The long story short here (too late) is that I need to spend some time gathering thoughts and turning them into constructive and kind ones before I tackle some serious issues with some people.  I swear to GOD if anyone asks me if it is them, I will come smother you with messy frosting kisses!  Believe me, if it was you, you’d completely fucking know or yanno, at least have a clue.  This isn’t some thinly veiled rant.  This is just me trying to get it out and if I’ve done it in a harsh manner, I don’t mean to be cruel.  My rope is frayed at one end and on fire at the other end.

Good thing I am going away for four days.

Yeppers…Saturday afternoon, I am taking a flight up to the Sacramento area to spend time with my sister and my nephew.  Oh yeah, and there’s that thing where it’s my Dad’s birthday too, heh.  This is a much needed getaway for me, mostly because every time I come back from a visit with the famdam I feel rejuvenated and almost see the world with a whole different shade of technicolor.  I think some people call it “clarity”.  Hopefully while I am up there, I’ll be lucky enough to hang with FooDiddy as well as (maybe) the gays (footnote).  But really, when it all comes down to it, I’ll be much less inclined to spark up wide wide world of web and maybe that too will bring a different kind of lucidity…the silent kind.

Killing For Celery Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Technology, Hilly On A Tangent, Snackie Snark | Comments (29)

29 Responses to “Sometimes I Can Hold My Tongue (Sometimes Not)…”

  1. Sybil Law Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    So… is it me?!
    (I kinda like frosting!)
    I like the Snarkstress!
    :)
    Sybil Laws last blog post..Give It Away Now

  2. Princess of the Universe Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    Darlingest, as long as you promise not to leave us altogether - I wholeheartedly support you taking as much break as you need.

    Candy-covered kisses
    xo

    Princess of the Universes last blog post..Painful and Overwhelming and Rewarding and Wonderful All at Once…

  3. adena Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    Have a good time away from it all!

    adenas last blog post..Look at me! I’m famous!

  4. Dave2 Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    Oh great… I’ve been working on today’s Blogography entry by filling out the “Foods I’ve Eaten” meme… now what am I supposed to do?

    Dave2s last blog post..Tiring

  5. Hilly Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    Bwahahaha, Dave….when is the last time you actually listened to my crazy rants anyway?

    :oy:

  6. Gina Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    I ~so~ get you, Girl! I am the same way: easily annoyed, doing my best to keep it inside to appear “normal”, and so forth. Chat me up. I can bet we could get in some good rants between the two of us! :whistle:
    Ginas last blog post..My (fresh!) new tattoo!

  7. Avitable Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    Maybe sometimes laying it all on the line would help you, instead of being so cryptic about it. Just call out who you need to call out - if they’re a friend, they’ll be glad you said something.

    Avitables last blog post..Averagely Good Not so Bad Intentions

  8. SJ Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    I hope this means all is well with you and the fambly again.

    Enjoy your serenity this weekend, and if you see Jester, give him a big smooch for me. :pph:
    SJ’s last blog post …Good music you haven’t heard

  9. manager mom Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Yeah, I just freaked out and proclaimed a hiatus, which lasted a whole three days.

    Do what ya gotta do, I say…

    manager moms last blog post..Saving The Drama For Her Mama

  10. Nat Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    It’s me, I know it. :razz:

    I tell you, unplugging puts it all in perspective. :)
    Have a wonderful trip.

    Nats last blog post..Answers

  11. Poppy Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    I’m totally posting the janky shit meme sometime “soon”. :D

    I did notice a distinct absence of new Hilly post today, which is funny because it’s not like I’m a stalker of your blog… :whistle:

    Have fun away. I will miss you, even though I’ll be away too…gathering the kitties.

    Poppys last blog post..j-o-b spells something I don’t have, technically

  12. *pixie* Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    Celery AND frosting kisses? What a snackie treat! :)

    Enjoy the family time.

    *pixie*s last blog post..maybe I should go to La Tomatina

  13. TUWABVB Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Congrats sweetie - have a great trip (so jealous) and as they say, abcess makes the fart go Honda.

    (Just realized that punch line is to a totally lame joke I learned in the 7th grade but it still makes me laugh. So if you don’t know the joke, let me know and I’ll send it to you via Twitter. Just kidding - I don’t belong).

    Seriously, enjoy your break and take care of yourself!

    TUWABVBs last blog post..The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of My Brain Cells Dying

  14. Sarah Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    I try not to be annoying but it was the boob post that did it for you wasn’t it? :whistle:

    Anyhoo hope the little mini vacation does ya some good! :)
    Sarahs last blog post..Underwear, police cars, and huge thank yous

  15. Chris Says:
    August 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    Well that’s the last damn time I tell you all the weird and disgusting things I’ve eaten over my life. What the hell am I supposed to blog about now?

    Where are my messy frosting kisses? I’m waiting! :rock

    Chriss last blog post..Obama’s gonna raise your taxes!

  16. Mattie Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 3:31 am

    By the time you see this, you’ll be coming back from your weekend getaway. So, I hope you are well-rested and ready to kick ass!

    Matties last blog post..The Middle Story and The Bottom Line

  17. Selma Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 4:43 am

    I like ‘janky shit’. I’m going to use it from now on, particularly when my neighbour offers me some of her homemade jam - beyond disgusting. I know what you mean about writing for the sake of writing. I’m stepping back from daily blogging a bit myself. Hope you have a nice break. Oh, and Dave cracks me up!

    Selmas last blog post..Calling all writers…..

  18. Miss Britt Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 5:38 am

    I was going to be all “yeah, what Avitable said”.

    But I guess there’s a lot of shit I don’t say either. Hm.

    Miss Britts last blog post..Winnah! Winnah!

  19. Crys Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 7:30 am

    i never know what you are talking about. i see you are taking stands however, and those are good.

    Cryss last blog post..Sleephab

  20. kilax Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 8:54 am

    I shy away when I am feeling annoyed too.

    And “Believe me when I say that I hold a lot more judgment over my own blog than over yours.”? Wow, you said what I am feeling so much better than I ever have. I feel kind of protective of my blog (defensive?) but love everyone else as they are. Time to show some self-love?

    kilaxs last blog post..Fruit Cup

  21. Iron Fist Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am

    Well, there goes the “Great Cheeseburgers I Have Eaten” post I worked on for six hours. Damn.

  22. Bully Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 am

    I liked the easily-annoyed part of your post immensely, because boy if I don;t relate! Woo!
    However, this is about you, so my feeling (as ever) is you should do what you feel you need to, and the hell with the rest of it. Be true to yourself and what YOU need. The rest of it is craap that will be swept away with the next big rainfall. People who are in it for you-yourself aren’t going to be driven away with you expressing yourself. More harm is done by saying nothing, IMO.

    Here for you, and the messy frosting kisses too–

  23. Foo Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 am

    Woohoo Carrots!

    Foos last blog post..When it rains…it pours…

  24. PAPA Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    I’m so stealing “Janky.” And I’m totally with you on the writing when you only have something to say. I can always tell when someone posted just “to post.”
    Oh, and if you love Sushi there’s an excellent place in downtown Sacramento called Mikuni’s…Maybe you’ve been there before? enjoy your trip!
    http://www.mikunisushi.com/#LOCATIONS

    PAPAs last blog post..Pablo doesn’t come round here no more

  25. Winter Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    I should totally annoy you so I can have the messy frosting kisses. Heh. Have a good time with the fam! If you see the gays and Othurme… kiss em all for me!

    Winters last blog post..Princess & the Pea

  26. floating princess Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    I got all over the blogging thing and deleted mine altogether. I’m kind of rash like that. I also seriously curtailed the blog reading I used to do, but stuck with a more manageable core of blogs that I really like (like yours!). I was just spending way too much time in front of a computer and needed to break away. I’m finally getting my life squared around to a point where I’ve been thinking I might want to blog again but I’m on the fence. Those blog habits can be hard to break and I don’t want to find myself taking myself too seriously again.

    Have a great mini-vacay! I’m going to be in Sacto next week too, but not until Friday.

  27. hello haha narf Says:
    August 23rd, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    love to you, my wonderful hilly

    hello haha narfs last blog post..They Matter, They Really Fucking Matter

  28. Karl Says:
    August 24th, 2008 at 9:31 am

    You had a couple of conversations with friends? Hmm, wonder who? It sure as hell wasn’t ME! Maybe I’ll get to talk to you again one day. This year, hopefully. Maybe for my birthday…

    Take care of yourself and enjoy your time away this weekend.

    Karls last blog post..Big News!

  29. Mrs Mogul Says:
    August 25th, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Yeah it’s hard to find something to say everyday. Maybe I need a break and get guest posters!

    Mrs Moguls last blog post..TV: Dancing with the Stars (something I might watch)

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