September 23rd, 2008

Here We Go Again…

There are days when I dream of packing it all in…closing up my blog, my Twitter account, my Facebook, uninstalling my feed reader and then living life with minimal time spent on the Wide Wide World of Web.  I’d then pack up my car and move to a small town…somewhere that has a change of seasons and where everyone would know my name.  I’d get a quiet job in a small office or open my own bakery/cafe.  I’d live a healthy lifestyle, become an active member of my community, maybe even have a kid or two.  That’s right…I’d be too busy to care about the net…no checking my Twitter every hour, no logging in to play Scrabble on Facebook every day, no feed reader with 300 unread items, and definitely not a blog where my honesty gets turned back against me more often than not.  I’d check in with friends through email, spending more time on a few rather than less time on many.  There’d be fun things like winter carnivals and hot coca by the fireplace as it actually snows outside.  I’d have found peace and quiet through unplugging and definitely paring down my life so that it is less about “surviving” and more about “living”.

I’m not naive…I know that wherever I go, there I am.  It’s not like I can instantly turn off that need to be connected to people and to feel a “part of”.  But a part of what exactly?  I’ve told myself, since we moved to Southern California five years ago, that I’d make friends locally.  I promised myself there would be tons of outings for coffee, drinks, art shows, and whatever else came my way.  When that didn’t happen, I comforted myself with the fact that I had cultivated the most wonderful online relationships.  Unfortunately, instead of continuing to try to find a place where I belong here, I just continued to dive deeper into the net world where I didn’t have to search.  I’m not saying that there’s a huge difference to me between online friends and real friends…in fact, most people move out of that bubble and into my heart, mixing the two.  I’m just saying that I wish I had more locally.  I know, join a club, go to church, volunteer…blah blah.  The truth of the matter is that I could yet I’ve not done so.

Maybe I’m just holding out for the day that I actually get to leave this place that I’ve disliked for the last five years.  Waiting is no good for me but today, I just want pretend that my fantasy will come true…picture myself in an older house with character, sipping apple cider on my porch swing, talking with neighbors…or yanno, anything else that resembles a total International Coffee moment.  Geez, maybe I just need to take a break from the net for awhile.  I wish I could say that with certainty…but the truth is, no matter how much I’d love to just “unplug”, my friendships *are* here and I’d not know how to live without them.

Still Confused By Last Night’s Heroes Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Diatribes, Hilly's Life 2008, Redefining Hilly | Comments (35)

35 Responses to “Here We Go Again…”

  1. Sybil Law Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Doesn’t everyone have those dreams? I mean, not necessarily the same exact dream, but I think daydreams can be a great, motivating factor in our lives. Daydreams are necessary!
    Plus, you can unplug now that I’ve met you and can stalk your email. :p
    (Which I mean to say, I am glad I met you!)

    Sybil Laws last blog post..Thai Erd

  2. Nat Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Hugs.

    Nats last blog post..The next few hours

  3. Atomic Bombshell Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    As my husband is so fond of reminding me, the life we have is the result of the choices we make. Any time you want a different life, you can start making choices to lead you in that direction. As I always tell him in response, that’s easier said than done.

  4. floatingprincess Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    I unplugged for a while and it was what I needed at the time, but now I’m ready to jack into the matrix again. I found I missed having that outlet for the crap that clogs my brain!

    You could move here! We’re just moving into fall and the trees are going to start turning. That nip is already in the air! Plus you’d already have a friend :D

  5. Sodapop Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    Ahhh now THAT would be a wonderful life, wouldn’t it?

    I understand how you feel.

    *hugs*

    Sodapops last blog post..My plans for tonight

  6. Ginger Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    I don’t know if it would help to know this, but you are not alone. Just about everybody I know is going through a restless stage in their lives right now. I believe it has something to do with the state that the world is in. There is so much uncertainty and peace is hard to come by.

    It does help to unplug from situations that bring you down.

    Here’s wishing you some peace to get you through another day. :hug:
    Gingers last blog post..A simply marvelous time…

  7. jessica Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    Geez, you should just come visit me in Minneapolis. We can sit on the patio of my 1919 craftsman house, build a fire, walk around the lakes, play with my dog, go to the neighborhood restaurants / coffee shops / bakeries… Yep, life is pretty good here in the midwest.

    Until February, and then it bitchslaps you with 10 feet of snow and -30 temps and you RUN back to Cali! :-)

  8. Tech-Babe Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    I couldn’t do it. The whole “unplugging” myself from the world. It’s nice to take a break from it, but no, I couldn’t do it. Scary thought.

    Tech-Babes last blog post..The Office Birthday Attack

  9. SJ Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    I agree that most people have some form of “if only” fantasy. Mine used to be much like what you describe, until I actually experienced the horrors of living in an older house in a small town. God save me from ever leaving the modern world again. :crazy:

    But a cute cottage overlooking the Pacific in Ocean Beach? Now you’re talking! Only, ixnay on the plugunhay!!! The very thought chills my blood.

    SJs last blog post..My *My…* meme

  10. Catherine Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    From AB’s comment up there “…Any time you want a different life, you can start making choices to lead you in that direction. As I always tell him [her husband] in response, that’s easier said than done.” Yes, to that thought I add though, it CAN be done. Every moment that ticks by, every decision you make, is in one direction or another. You can line them up to aim toward whatever you choose.

    Catherines last blog post..ripped from sj, others

  11. Crys Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    takes time, hon. you’ll get there.

    Cryss last blog post..On the apparent mentioning of non-underwear and the resulting tectonic home and hearth shift

  12. sue Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    I know just the place for ya… {{{hugs}}}

    sues last blog post..Camping Day 1 - Night Knight

  13. suze Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    I’m sorry you’re not in a place where you feel at home. I hope that you find your place soon, wherever that might be.

    suzes last blog post..well, personally? i kinda wanna slay the dragon…

  14. Charlene in Arkansas Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    sometimes it helps to take a break, i know it helps me to take breaks from life, the real world, real life, blogging, internet

    but i would hate to see you go

    i saw your comment at poppy’s you have never lived in a small town
    come and visit me…i live in my hometown of less than 3000~~~sad thing, i moved here by choice

    Charlene in Arkansass last blog post..photo bucket and other links

  15. Finn Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    I say all we blogger types need found our own small town and the hell with the rest of them.

    Yeah, I get this.

    Finns last blog post..Changing Of The Guard

  16. Poppy Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Have you ever seen the movie Baby Boom with Diane Keaton? She gets a kid when relatives die in a car crash, moves to Vermont, makes apple sauce, and ends up falling for the local veterinarian.

    I love that movie, and yet I don’t want to live that life. Yet.

    Poppys last blog post..We interrupt once-a-day posting with this very important announcement…

  17. diane Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    I hope you find your cozy place. I don’t think it requires a total disconnection, maybe just a change of some sort…

  18. Mattie Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    I totally get this.

    One of the reasons we are moving at all is because it’s what I do when I can’t fix anything.

    Start over, start fresh, start doing all the things I said I would do when we moved here.

    Then I thought, oh … well, let’s move back to where we started. Only you can’t go back.

    I’m still moving. I’m totally unhappy here and I need to focus on something positive and moving to another place, changing my surroundings allows me to change me. Well, that’s MY fantasy.

    Matties last blog post..I failed.

  19. Dagny Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    Crap. Now I’ve got Sam Shepherd on the brain. Hmmm. Find me someone like that and I might be willing to move to somewhere with seasons and all.

    Dagnys last blog post..Never too much of a good thing

  20. jane Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    California is a strange bird. The past 15 years or so, it seems that neighbors don’t know each other or even talk to each other anymore. Maybe it’s because so many people are here from so many different places. Add to that, neighbors who are here but don’t want to be. It’s definitely a mixed bag of nuts! I don’t think you are “abnormal” for California, lol, I guess that may not be a compliment, huh?
    All things in time… or something like that.
    Relax. Breathe in. Be thankful that you live where you do & not where I do cuz it’s 10 fucking degrees hotter. :grr:
    janes last blog post..This, that & the other

  21. Karl Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    I dream sometimes of leaving The Net behind for a while, but it never happens. Like you, the bulk of my relationships are online. I’d be screwed.

    Karls last blog post..Barack Obama Stole My Car Keys

  22. Avitable Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    I just think everyone occasionally needs a break from anything, whether it’s online, offline, whatever.

    Avitables last blog post..Eggs Hoss Ted!

  23. Winter Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 11:41 pm

    I think things are cyclical. Sometimes you need the online things more than other times. And I think everyone dreams of having a less complicated, less hectic, frenetic life even though each of us may have a different vision of what that might be. There’s nothing wrong with having a life with friends online or having the small town life. You just have to do what suits you at any given point in your life.

    That being said… wanna go to the Hollywood Book Fair this weekend? If you’ll drive, I’ll help with gas and buy lunch. Some authors were pimping for people to come out, so I thought I’d see if you were busy… Book Fairs are such a different animal than the usual things people do.

  24. Lisa Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 4:22 am

    I’ve totally backed off from the amount of time I spend online and I’m enjoying the extra time I have to spend with my family and friends. I used to spend every spare moment online.

  25. Kyra Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 5:34 am

    Well, I live in one of those perfectly designed moments. You’ve seen the pictures. But the thing is, people here are just as mean as anywhere else (well, since I live here I think they’re meaner, but hey…) I’ve given up. I DO volunteer, and such. I think people are just more disconnected than ever before, which is not necessarily about you. I’ve found that I have to accept being alone, without friends. I have no other option. I hope someday someone pops by locally who would actually want a friend, but I’ve been here over eight years and that hasn’t happened yet.

    Kyras last blog post..Overhead

  26. Karen Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 5:38 am

    It is hard to keep a good balance between the internet world and the real world. I sometimes feel like I get sucked in to the computer too.

    Karens last blog post..Back To Basics

  27. John Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 7:11 am

    You know Hil, I’m not even going to try and come up with some profound words of wisdom to help you sort this out, ’cause I just don’t have any. I think we all feel the way you expressed. We all crave connection, and we all don’t know how to get it in the deep, meaningful way that we think it’s supposed to be. When contemplating this, I often find myself thinking about that scene at the end of Castaway:

    “just keep breathing in and out and tomorrow the sun will rise…who knows what the tide will bring

    : )

    Johns last blog post..Stronger Robot Chicks

  28. Miss Britt Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 7:49 am

    Balance, sweetheart. Everything in moderation - right?

    Maybe take the weekend off and walk around.

    Miss Britts last blog post..Defined by Fashion - or something

  29. TSM Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 8:56 am

    I say come move here. There’s a house for sale across the street and I make kickass coffee. If you sell your OC house you can not only buy a house here with the profit but probably a nice car and your bakery. And we need a good bakery here. It’s a small town, and sometimes it actually snows! Oh how you would love it.

    And I need me some friends, too. You know, the kind that “get” me. Think on it? Please? :)
    TSMs last blog post..Change

  30. Diane Mandy Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:43 am

    WHen I moved to Germany blogging became so much more important to me because I didn’t know anybody and couldn’t even communicate to make friends. I spent hours upon hours seeking friends virtually and enjoyed it. But now , after almost a year and a lot of effort, my social life has picked up and my Internet life has suffered. Still, real life should always trump our virtual one, don’t you think?

  31. Nilsa Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:51 am

    I think in some way or another each of us relates to this post. And here’s what I say. Take a weekend. Turn off the computer. Unplug the internet. Leave the TV remote on the table. And get out of the house. Do something - anything. Whether it’s read at a cafe. Or taking a hike in the hills. Or going to the water. Whatever it is, do something in real life, away from your online life (and yes, the two rapidly merge, but I still think there’s a difference). And maybe you’ll walk away having met a person who could one day be a friend. And maybe you just clear your mind. Either way, it’s a winning situation, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to hit Mark All Read when you return. Very liberating!

    Nilsas last blog post..Method

  32. Colin B. Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 7:23 am

    Do NOT! We like you! Stay! Oh pleaaaase? Pretty pleaaaaase?

    What you can do is spend a little less time online of course and not update your accounts as often as you might do now. This will give you more time for life outside this web of lies ours. No, seriously, I’m sure if you spent less time online posting here or didn’t comment as often or whatever, your online friends wouldn’t mind. :pph:
    Colin B.s last blog post..it’s not time for therapy yet, is it?

  33. martymankins Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    I have to use the Mac program Freedom to turn off the net so I can get some writing done.

    If I have to do research and writing, well then distractions are inevitable.

    What’s funny about you talking about wanting to leave SoCal… it’s the fact that for the last 20 years, I’ve had this longing to return to the OC (where I grew up - in Garden Grove). But even when I had a great opportunity to return over 7 years ago, I turned it down to stay here in Utah, which I’ve grown accustomed to, even though I bitch and complain about it.

    martymankinss last blog post..Top 5 Songs I Hate The Most

  34. hello haha narf Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    i can appreciate what you are saying.
    couldn’t do it, but i still hear ya.

    :pph:
    hello haha narfs last blog post..HNT - My 22nd Half Nekkid Thursday

  35. hello haha narf Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    i know i spend too much time online because my german shepherd will walk up and poke his nose hard into the wireless card since he knows that it will disconnect the service. this causes me to put the computer down to fix it…that leaves an opening for him to curl up in my lap. yes he weighs 90 pounds and curls up in my lap. shhhhh.

    hello haha narfs last blog post..HNT - My 22nd Half Nekkid Thursday

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