October 1st, 2008

Ten Things I Hate About You…

I hate to use the word “hate” (heh) but it works for the title.

Anyway, the other day I was talking to Jester about some stuff revolving around friendships which really got me thinking about  the things that I look for in a friend and also, the things that will make me end a toxic friendship without second thought.  The list below are some of the various reasons that I’d have to walk away from a friendship (well except the Twitter one, cause that would make me a crazy person).

1. You’re always negative. Seriously, I am all for the snark and sarcasm but some people don’t see the difference between being funny/sarcastic and being whiny/asstastic.  It’s very hard to get me to take anyone seriously when all they do is bitch bitch bitch.

2. You find fault with everything I say and/or do. I’m not a milquetoast who can’t take constructive criticism.  In fact, I welcome it if it is warranted.  However, there are some people that just want to nitpick the hell out of others and quite honestly, that frustrates me and I don’t have the patience for it.

3. You talk shit about people. Look, I am no saint…I’ve gossiped.  I’ve also expressed my frustrations about certain people to mutual friends upon occasion.  It’s not right but sometimes you just need to vent to a person who understands.  So that stuff, I get.  However, there are people out there who talk crap about almost everyone they know whenever I talk to them.  Newsflash…if they are talking shit about others to me, then they are also talking shit about me to others.

4. You send me important information through Twitter rather than to my email address. Dude, yes Twitter is convenient what with its “direct message” feature and all.  And okay, when someone sends you a DM through Twitter, you also get an email.  However, I am 10 times more likely to just delete a Twitter email due to the fact that I get about 20 spammy add requests a day.  Also?  I don’t get it.  You *have* my email address, why  not use it?  That being said, I know people had no idea that I feel this way so yanno, I’m not talking shit about anyone in particular, blah blah.

5.  You assume that I will be there for you time and time again when you are hardly ever there for me. Okay so this one is pretty self-explanatory. If I am there for you over and over again through your life’s little earthquakes yet you cannot pick up a phone to ask if I am okay after surgery?  Yeah.  If this pattern continues time after time after time, the only thing left is to downgrade our friendship.

6.  You make up stories because it’s easier for YOU not to tell me the truth. I do not fucking care what the deal is but lying to me is never ever ever okay.  I’m not talking about bloggy type stuff where things are omitted for privacy either…whatever.  In fact, I’d rather you just not tell me something rather than lie to me.  But the thing that really gets my goat is when you are lying just because it’s easier for you.  It pisses me off for the obvious reasons but also, it’s like you’re assuming that I am stupid enough not to know you are lying OR that you’ve ignored the fact that I’m very open and understanding.

7.  You take advantage of me. Luckily, this one rarely happens.  For me, it’s more about taking advantage of my generous spirit more than anything else.

8.  You spill my secrets. I know this one sort of goes hand in had with number 3 however, more specifically, it’s when I make a point to say “okay NOBODY can ever hear about this” and yet you ignore it anyway.  Of course, what is even worse is when you get mad at me then decide it’s time everyone knows my dirty secret.  Guess what?  We’re not bouncing back from that one.

9. You discount what is important to me. Let me just give an example for this one:  I was talking to an agnostic the other day and she says to me, “Believing in God and Jesus is just stupid Hilary because you have no proof”.  Look, I don’t care that she doesn’t believe in God but telling me that *I* am stupid for doing so?  Wrong wrong wrong.  You would actually be surprised to know that this is the one I come across the most often in my friendships.  Well, one or two anyway.

10.  You have poor hygiene. Okay yes, this was thrown in at the last minute but honestly, I can’t be friends with people who are unshowered and who haven’t brushed their teeth all week.  You see, all I would be focusing on is not throwing up in my mouth so I would be a bad listener anyway!

How about you?  What are some things that make a friendship toxic in your mind?  And more importantly, do you stick to your guns and get rid of negativity or, like me, do you often try to ignore it and make it go away?

Pushing Daisies Is On Tonight Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Technology, Friendship, Snackie Snark | Comments (38)

38 Responses to “Ten Things I Hate About You…”

  1. Dagny Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:39 am

    I think you’ve summed it up pretty well for me. For years I’ve been ignoring crap but currently I’m weeding those folks out of my life. Life’s too short to put up with their crap.

    And I am too excited for words that “Pushing Daisies” will be back on tonight.

    Dagnys last blog post..New world order

  2. tricia Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Um, if that’s all one person you need to kick them in the teeth and send them on their merry way. :0

  3. Karen Sugarpants Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:50 am

    OMG I totally forgot to brush my teeth this week. Fuck.

    And I’m sorry I told everybody about that raging case of ringworm on your brown star. My bad.

    (Seriously, great post though.)
    xo

    Karen Sugarpantss last blog post..Maybe This Isn’t My Place to Say…

  4. Jenn Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Pretty much everything you said. I can use my blog as a place to vent, but constant negativity and complaints in real life? No way, that gets old fast.

    I have huge issues with people who lie period, but I have someone in my life who lies about things when the truth really would have been fine. It’s confusing, frustrating, and makes me never trust a thing she says.

    Competitiveness. In sports it’s ok, but not in friendship. I don’t need someone who is always trying to one up me in every part of life.

  5. radioactive tori Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:54 am

    My real comment is that I totally agree with you. I have no time for fake friendships. The one about friends who aren’t there when you need them but you always just assumed they would be hits hard because I have this one friend who I helped through an awful time in her life and when I had cancer, she never called me once. Oh no wait, she called me to complain about her husband. Not a real friend.

    My first thought after I read this though was Pushing Daisies is on???? I totally forgot! Hooray!

    radioactive toris last blog post..You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do So You Can Do What You Gotta Do

  6. Göran Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:55 am

    I could basically have wrote this myself except I don´t get that much crap through Twitter.

    I totally love my new stolen favorite word: Asstastic!!! You are so not getting it back! :p
    Görans last blog post..Writing on an airplane

  7. RiceWenchie Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 10:57 am

    Those are all deal breakers for me, too. I tend to have fewer close friends but they are the cream of the crop.

    :hug:
    RiceWenchies last blog post..In Dog We Trust…

  8. Willie G Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:04 am

    Self centered and self-absorbed. If the world revolves around you then you obviously have no time for me. I think friendships should be totally give and take. Tell me all about your life, and then listen. If you can’t do that, then please move along. I’ve got too many things to do to drive your praise wagon. Great post!! :hug:
    Willie Gs last blog post..Slacking Off

  9. Nat Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:09 am

    I just don’t have time for people who aren’t what I need so I tend to be passive in breaking it off. (So to speak.)

    Nats last blog post..Rattles and wind-up toys

  10. Blondefabulous Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:10 am

    The constant, “Oh, let’s do lunch/work out/go shopping/have a girls night” people who then cancel at the last minute really get me down. Is my friendship not good enough for you that you jump to the next thing that comes along and cancel our plans?

    Good post!

    Blondefabulouss last blog post..School Days….

  11. ajooja Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Anyone who spills your deepest, darkest secret deserves to be cut out of your life. That one really pisses me off.

  12. TUWABVB Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Although I haven’t showered yet today and it’s about 1:30 p.m. in my time zone….I had to postpone my bathing to suggest one more reason….ultra-competitiveness - it can show itself through always one-upping me (which is pretty easy) or sleeping with my boyfriend…not pretty! :doh:
    TUWABVBs last blog post..Guess I’ll Go and Eat Some Worms (Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones; Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms…)

  13. Ginger Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:26 am

    Amen, girl! Everything you put here is on my list. Especially #6!

    This isn’t to say that I am the perfect friend. That’s when I hope that my friends will know they can let me know if I have hurt them so *I* can improve. We all have our shit to deal with, ya know? Bottom line is to try and live by the Golden Rule…do unto others as you’d have them do unto you…or something like that. ;)
    Gingers last blog post..In Uncertain Times…

  14. Poppy Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:28 am

    You put a fake version of yourself out there for the world to see so that everyone loves you… but I know the real you and I can’t fucking stand you.

    (That is not directed at Hilly.)

    Poppys last blog post..When worlds collide

  15. Dave2 Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:29 am

    = sob! =

    I must be the worstest friend on earth… I’m 10 for 10!!

    Dave2s last blog post..Crimpin

  16. whall Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Those are really, really good. I love this list!

    Perhaps we can draft a “pre-nuptual” or “pre-friendship” agreement that can be reviewed online and digitally signed when we meet people.

    Just point your iPhone at someone and ask ‘Do you agree with these?”

    That way we prevent the problem instead of having to ask Congress to enact special bailout legislation to make Hilly friends with you again.

  17. scott Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:32 am

    What I really hate is when god talks shit to me about other gods. I’m all like, “First of all, you don’t even exist. Secondlish? Who died and made you boss? Thirdwise? Whatever, god.”

    What I actually hate is when people set me on fire. What’s up with that?

    Hello, Hilly.

    scotts last blog post..Just Doodles and Hello

  18. Nilsa Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 11:46 am

    And that’s the difference between your twenties and thirties. When you’re in your 20’s, you just bitch and moan about bad friends. When you’re in your 30’s, you actually do something about it. Right on, girl!

    Nilsas last blog post..Mac

  19. Diane Mandy Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    OOOH! All really bad things. It would have taken only one of those things for me to walk away.

    Diane Mandys last blog post..Exclusive!!! Sarah Palin Debate Preparations

  20. Miss Britt Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    I use twitter DMs for important info. I assume most people get the DMs via text like I do so I know it’s INSTANT!

    Miss Britts last blog post..Debating: Road Trips and Medical Ethics

  21. Hilly Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    By the way, I don’t know anyone with ALL of these traits…just in case it sounded like I do!

    :doh:

  22. diane Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Ohhhhhh…#5 really gets to me.
    I think I could forgive poor hygiene…if I really want the person to be my friend, I’d find a polite way to tell them. :cool:

  23. Sharon Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    I totally feel ya. . . especially #1 and #5.

    Makes me wonder why I continue to be friends with a certain person in my life. Anyhoo. . . . :p
    Sharons last blog post..Bleh

  24. floatingprincess Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    I’m pretty easygoing but don’t lie to me, don’t act like you’re superior to me, and don’t talk shit when you’re drunk and then act like you didn’t call me fat when you’re sober. Those are pretty much deal breakers for me!

  25. Karen Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    My big thing is if you don’t try to understand me. I think that goes along with discounting things that are important to you.

    Also, if you are ultra boring. I hate boring pepole.

    Karens last blog post..Pretty In Pink

  26. Iron Fist Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    Nobody’s perfect, but if a person can’t show me that they have any real integrity, or if I’m the only one putting any effort into the friendship, then that’s a person I’ll just 86 from my life.

    Iron Fists last blog post..technically this counts as a win for me

  27. suze Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Lying’s a deal breaker. As are thinly disguised put downs, passive-aggressiveness, etc…If you are trying to make me feel bad, you’re not really a friend and I don’t have time for that…

    suzes last blog post..it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss…

  28. Sarah Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    I feel like I am always being negative. I feel like I am always bitching about school (because I am struggling this semester..something that’s completely new to me) and work (because, well, it’s retail).

    But I try not to, it just doesn’t all work.

    But for me it’s the lies and tearing down my self esteem. It’s not that high in the first place, a friend shouldn’t work at destroying the little bit that gets built up. Ya know?

    and OMG pushing daisies was amazing!

    Sarahs last blog post..So I am officially ‘undead’, well kinda.

  29. Avitable Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 5:23 am

    I hate the Twitter DMs!

    I like this idea. I think I’ll steal it from you, just like I have stolen many, many posts.

    Avitables last blog post..Porn or not? You decide. (SFW)

  30. Selma Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 7:23 am

    I find it difficult when a friend that I have helped out isn’t prepared to help me. One way traffic just isn’t on. I also find it hard to cope with friends who complain all the time when really, from my perspective, their lives are pretty sweet. Your list was very much on the money!

    Selmas last blog post..Drawn By The Sea

  31. John Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 am

    Haha. I think you covered it all nicely Hil. I have nothing to add. : )

    Johns last blog post..A River Runs Through It

  32. Sybil Law Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 8:28 am

    I agree with everything on your list. I’ve actually ended friendships with people who take and take and take but are never there for me when I need a shoulder (or whatever). I flat out tell them why I’m pissed. I try to do it through email, because I am much nicer in the written word than I would be on the phone - especially once they start arguing with me! Haha
    Also, I’ve actually steered clear of people who feel “superior” to me because I believe in God, too. There’s nothing worse than a know-it-all, know-nothing asshole who talks to you like you’re some sort of mentally challenged ass because you have faith. Isn’t that the whole point of faith?!
    Anyway, I think you and I could be good friends. Plus, I’ll gut someone who screws with you. Ha!

    Sybil Laws last blog post..Lovey Munsters

  33. RW Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am

    I dislike people who make lists of things they hate.

    Er….. wait DON’T HIT SUBMIT!!!

  34. Lisa Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 10:15 am

    I think you hit every thing on the nail pretty good. I’m pretty good at getting rid of toxic friends…all but one. I’ve got just one I can’t get rid of for some reason.

  35. Atomic Bombshell Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    That is one amazing list of complaints. I don’t know how you put up with all that. I’d have moved on already. :crazy:
    Atomic Bombshells last blog post..Smile Makers

  36. SJ Says:
    October 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    No wonder I don’t have any friends. :cry:
    SJs last blog post..Hitting the Big 3-0

  37. kilax Says:
    October 3rd, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    Oh my gosh. I think you just described a “friend” of mine. I always dread seeing her for the same reasons.

    #1 and #3 are big turn-offs for me. I don’t want to be around Suzy Sunshine all the goddamn time, but I CANNOT stand friends (or extended family, ahem) who are negative ALL THE TIME.

    kilaxs last blog post..Friday Question #40

  38. Winter Says:
    October 4th, 2008 at 10:41 am

    *Sniffing armpits* I didn’t shave, but they smell like Degree’s Linen something scent. Are we still good?

    Winters last blog post..Recap

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