July 22nd, 2009

How I Became “The King Of The Worrrrrld”!

1.  I may or may not have mentioned that my garage is so messy that I cannot park my car inside of it.  Never mind the fact that it is a two-car garage, there is no way in hell that I’d even be able to fit a fucking Yugo inside.

2.  I may or may not have mentioned that I sorta kinda wanted to get my house unpacked so quickly that I never broke down any of my boxes and just sort of threw them willy-nilly into the garage.  Um yanno, three months ago.  I’ve actually talked about this on Aiming Low, so go there to see the box disaster!

3.  I may or may not have mentioned that my Dad is coming to visit me for five days starting a week from today.  While my Dad is a pretty easy-going man from whom I get most of my casually zen yet snarky attitude, he’d probably question the supreme laziness of the whole garage thing.

Deciding that I had a week to get my garage all cleaned up and in mint condition for my Dad, I made a plan to slowly but surely tackle it by breaking down just 10 boxes a day.  That would surely leave me time to actually get everything done, finally get the barbecue in the back yard and uh, yanno…start parking my car in the garage rather in the 98 degree heat.

All I needed was to find those darned box cutters that I had bought when I made that fateful trip to WalMart for the lube.  As a matter of fact, I had no idea where the hell I had stored them away when I first decided to take on this project.  Um yanno, two weeks ago.  I searched high and low for those freaking things, finally finding them in my “special” nightstand drawer with my other festive things that go there.  Wow, talk about “one of these kids doing its own thing”, huh?

So after dark, I had to go out to the garage anyway since Thursday is trash day.  I had just come home from the market so I quickly ran through the house, gathered all trash, ran to the curb, came back inside and attempted to put the box cutter ThingieMcBopper together.  You know how they come all filled with lamesauce in the sense that you have to take them apart, find the blades, then put it back together again?  Normally this is easy, except when I unscrewed mine, my damned cat jumped up and scratched my ass, startling me and making drop razor blades and other various pieces all over the floor.  I, however, remained calm and collected as I tried to piece this rubik’s cube of a box cutter back together.

blade

I looked at the tiny and lame diagram on the packaging and wanted to stab the Stanley Company for not giving complete directions to those of us who don’t really have anyone to help us figure it out (read: single women who are tool-tarded).  I tried making logic of the whole thing by making the slidey part connect with the blade but then couldn’t quite fit it all together.  I tried about ten different positions and methods.  I thought about calling Jared and asking him if I could come over real quick…so he could put my box cutters together.  Instantly, I rolled my eyes at myself because hi, that would have been lame and I am smarter than some fucking box cutters.  In fact, I am so smart that my next thought was, “Aha…Google That Shit!”.

Um, except well, you see, I uh…made myself a deal that I would stay off of the internet (unless work related, of course…hi Adam!).   I may or may not have “emailed while intoxicated on booze and tears” last night and thought that ooohhhh, maybe today would be a good time to step away from the dramatics for a split second.  You know, I kinda sent an email that had the phrase, “How dare you…?” in it.  I also maybe sort of replied to a post on Shawn’s blog when I swore I would not look at the thing.  So yeah, anyway, I swore myself off the internet for the whole day.  I was on my own!

After cursing, stomping my feet, then finally quieting down and starting from the beginning, I got the whole thing put together and was thrilled with my accomplishment, albeit a small one.  I ran out to my garage screaming, “I’m The King Of The Worrrrrld”, quickly forgetting that people would be outside cause hi, the aforementioned trash day.  I looked at my pile of boxes, ready to tackle the ten for today, turned around, flipped on the light switch and suddenly realized…

It was pitch dark in my garage.  The light bulbs?  Yeah, they’d died out during the time that I was trying to put my blade together.  Ah, the irony.

And lookie now, an hour and a half ago, I would not use the Internet because I’d made myself a strict rule and yet,  here I blog.  I think I’m cool if I just post this and don’t look at anything else, right?  Ahem, right!

I Will Cut You (Maybe) Kisses,
Me

ETA:  If you want to see what the actual garage looks like?  Please go check out my very first post on Aiming Low!  It is now LIVE!


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Posted in Hilly Hobby, Hilly's Life 2009, Random Schmandom | Comments (27)

27 Responses to “How I Became “The King Of The Worrrrrld”!”

  1. Sybil Law Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm

    Hahahahaha
    Well, it’s Wednesday, anyway. Those days suck for getting things done! Saturday is just fine. It also gives you time to make a list of shit you might need before then (don’t forget light bulbs!) and time to get the crud.
    King of the World!
    Hahahahaha
    You make me laugh!

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I know but I keep procrastinating until Saturday(s) then something good comes up!

    [Reply]

  2. Nat Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    You and I so cannot decide to take over the world because neither one of us could put it together.
    (Still might be fun.)

    [Reply]

    Kailyn Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 am

    That’s why y’all keep me around. I’m really good at putting stuff together.

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:11 am

    If someone else can put it together, I *can* install all of its audio/video needs. Seriously, I am tool-tarded but can set up a DVR/DVD/HDTV/surround system all in about a minute.

    [Reply]

  3. Poppy Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm

    Best sign-off kisses EVAR.

    And I genuinely appreciate the irony of you using the internet to relay that you aren’t using the internet.

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:12 am

    You’ll be happy to know that I actually did turn the computer right back off after posting this!

    :clap:

    [Reply]

  4. Kim Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    I love it, especially my new favorite phrase “tool tarded” !

    There wasn’t any interference from “other things” in the drawer that made the cutter “slippery” was there?
    :twitch:

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:12 am

    Haha, no slippery action. I’m a very clean girl, you know.

    :halo:

    [Reply]

  5. kim Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 12:15 am

    I’m really glad that you didn’t grab the wrong tool in the throes of self passion. ;)

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:13 am

    Yikes, can you imagine? I would have just loved explaining that to the ER staff!

    ;)

    [Reply]

  6. floating princess Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 12:25 am

    I get all excited too when I get something put together by myself. I wave it in the air and dance around like a little kid. I’m such a dork!

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 am

    Hey, there is nothing wrong with appreciating our little accomplishments, right? At least we take joy in the little things.

    :)

    [Reply]

  7. Kailyn Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 1:05 am

    The first thing I did in “moving in” was to put shelving in the garage. Because I knew that no matter what my intentions were, there would be boxes in the garage. And yeah, after three months, there are still boxes there with which I need to deal. But their on shelves and looking neat and all. I mean the car does fit into the garage. And so when my dad saw it all on Father’s Day, he was not disturbed.

    I say screw unpacking that stuff. Just run down to Wally World and get yourself some shelving.

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:16 am

    Oh um, perhaps um, I wasn’t clear…haha. These aren’t boxes filled with stuff. These are EMPTY boxes that I just threw in there (literally) rather than breaking them town and tossing them or storing them away.

    Still, I will need shelves for all of the Christmas boxes.

    :)

    [Reply]

  8. kaylen Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 1:46 am

    Shelving is KEY in the garage. Luckily I had the most handyman ever sell me his house and he had built in shelves along both walls of the garage so I was set up for slight-success. I also threw all my boxes in a corner when I unpacked—-and then I just posted an ad on Craigslist and some nice lady came and took them all away for me. Try Craigslist!! Then you get rid of them AND you don’t have to do any work!!

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:17 am

    I once thought of posting a “help wanted” ad on Craigslist for someone to clear everything out!

    [Reply]

  9. Jessica Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Awesome!!! I look back on the past year now and am amazed by all the “little victories” in learning to live alone again. I was SO independent and self-sufficient before I met Chris, I was totally the chick that had a cordless drill and wasn’t afraid to use it, and little by little he just eroded that out of me… But now I’M BACK and it’s due to a lot of little victories like that… painting my living room, hanging a curtain rod, mowing the lawn, checking my oil, etc… none of it is difficult, it is just stuff I hadn’t worried about myself for so long because somebody else was taking care of it for me.

    As for your garage… uhhhhhh, yeah, you KNOW I can relate to that, and your “10 boxes a day” plan is perfect! It’s so easy to just put the mess (literally and figuratively) somewhere and shut the door on it… tackling it little by little is brilliant. :-)

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 am

    I don’t think Shawn made me any weaker in this aspect because both of us were pretty much not “tool kind of people”. Living in Irvine spoils you though. Every condo/apartment that we rented, if one little thing broke, they fixed it. Seriously, even light bulbs got replaced BY THEM.

    I now need to grab back self-sufficiency in so many ways due to both being married AND being spoiled by The OC!

    [Reply]

  10. Finn Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 am

    You know, scissors are my tool of choice for breaking down boxes.

    Just sayin’.

    [Reply]

    Hilly Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:58 am

    I can’t find my good scissors.

    Bwahahahaha, geez I suck!

    [Reply]

  11. Hilly Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 9:47 am

    I had no idea my post on Aiming Low was coming out today so uh yeah, if you want to see what I mean, go here!

    [Reply]

  12. Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    My garage is a catastrophe. There’s now way I’ll ever be able to park inside.

    PS. Can’t wait to get drunk with you tonight at the People’s Party! #BlogHer09

    [Reply]

  13. kapgar Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    Lube and box cutters? People are really going to start worrying about you.

    [Reply]

    Sybil Law Reply:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    By “people” he means kapgar.
    I am more like, “Youtube that shit!”
    Haha
    (And I am drinking. And kinda buzzed. Woohoo!)

    [Reply]

  14. kapgar Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    Actually, if I were Avitable, I’d be really scared. Luckily he’s in Chicago and doesn’t have too much to worry about, save for his rectally ingested estrogen (you had to be on Twitter…).

    [Reply]

  15. martymankins Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Queen of the Garage. That’s one crowded garage. Does that car complain or does it cry outside in the driveway?

    [Reply]

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