Archive for the ‘Cryptic’ Category

Kicked Off My Shoes, Shut Reason Out…

July 23rd, 2008

I tend to blog in the moment.  Whatever is going on inside of my head and heart immediately spills out onto this page with a fervor and honesty like nothing you’ve ever seen.  Okay, maybe you’ve seen “fervor and honesty” elsewhere but still, you’re totally picking up what I’m putting down.  Today is one of those days that I just feel like dumping out my heart all over this page while I watch it bleed the color of every emotion contained within.  You know what though?  I’m not going to do it.  I am going to take the “raw” and the confusion and put it somewhere else until it stops hurting just a little bit, then I’ll say what I have to say.  Yanno…once I’ve calmed the fuck down and the words that come out of my mouth won’t be something by which I am embarrassed later.

This is a hard thing for me to do.  I’m stepping outside of my comfort bubble to be a better person and maybe grow a little today.  I just asked Karl if he is more likely to post in the moment or to wait until he’s gathered his thoughts…I mean, where emotional moments are concerned.  He thinks he waits.  He thinks that I never wait, yet mask everything I am trying to say under a very cryptic and layered costume.  He may just be right.

I’m not a thinker. I’m a feeler.
I don’t look. I leap.
I don’t walk. I run.

Sometimes being this type of a person gets you into trouble and other times it’s one of the best things in the world.  It’s about knowing when to just walk away, letting your words softly hit the floor behind you.  I’m slowly starting to realize that not everyone needs to hear how I feel about everything right this very second.  Maybe if we all slowed down and thought about what we want to say just a little bit more, we’d get along better?  Fuck if I know…I’m new to this “holding it in for a moment” business.  As you can tell, I’m not exactly doing *that* well at it either because I had to come here and at least say something.  I don’t know what to do with the pain when I’m not writing about it.  There are only so many tears a girl can cry, right?  There are only so many times a woman can wish she felt nothing as well.

What do you tend to do?  Do you blog right in your emotional moment or do you think about it all first?  And hey, even if you don’t blog…how do you handle real life shit that falls under these same categories as well?

This Post Is About Me And Not About Anything Else Kisses,
Me

Posted in Cryptic, Emotional Technology, Hilly's Life 2008 | Comments (28)

She’s Letting It All Hang Out….

June 18th, 2008

As I may have mentioned yesterday (yanno, in bold face font), this is Blog Reader Appreciation Week and the hot madcap action continues today!  This week is all about me appreciating the hell out of you and the rewards range from random prizes to just giving you a space to make your voices heard.  As I said yesterday…..some of you are lurkers, some readers who pass by once and again, some regular commenters and blog friends for years, and others who have wormed their way into my everyday life and have become my dearest friends.  No matter how long we’ve known each other or how well we know each other, I am here to tell you that ALL of you matter.  Without each and every one of you, this would just be Hilly’s Blog, not the wonder that is Snackie’s World because hi….a “world” needs a diversity of cool people running around and shit. 

Blog Reader Appreciation Week

You know that thing that I mentioned, like maybe three seconds ago, about giving you a place to make your voices heard?  That’s what today is all about here in my crazy little cupcake den of whoredom.  Sometimes we all want to vent and just say something to someone that they really need to hear.  Well okay, maybe it’s something that we really need to say, but common senses dictates that we hold it in and zip the fucking lip.  I find myself doing that a lot here on my blog because I know that people from various sections of my non-net life read and there is only so much I want them knowing about me.  I find myself doing it in life a lot too because I don’t just blab out everything I want to, contrary to popular belief!  But it can get frustrating, can’t it?  Not having a place to put that random shit out there by saying what you want to say?

Well fear no more, cause I am totally down for you!  Today I want you to let it rip!  Is there something you are just dying to say to someone, negative or positive?  Would you prefer to not have to name that person but just freaking be able to say it?  Here’s the deal….go ahead and say whatever it is that you need to say here, no questions asked.  You can say direct your statements or keep them generalized.  In a way, this is like the Confession Booth posts in that you can use your real name when you comment or you can comment anonymously….just remember that pesky auto-fill if you want to be anonymous!  Also, just like the Confession Booth posts, I will probably post anonymous statements in the comments as well.  Shit, a woman needs to appreciate herself too! 

In case you are confused, here are some examples of the things that I want to say to certain people out there…

1.) For someone who never apologizes, you sure do expect a lot of forgiveness.
2.) You’ll never fully understand the happiness you’ve brought to my life.
3.) Sometimes I need you to turn off the sarcasm and just be my friend.
4.) Can you please stop saying that you don’t speak “Mexican”? It’s Spanish, fucko.
5.) One of my favorite things about you is that you make me laugh so much.

And there you go…that’s how it’s done. So please, have at it…vent away by saying exactly what it is that you want to say!

Cryptic Is What We Do Best Kisses,
Me 

Posted in Blog Reader Appreciation Week, Cryptic | Comments (89)

Pick Out Your Cloud….

June 16th, 2008

Banging banging banging….my head hits the brick wall over and over again. The words are stuck in my throat but they won’t leap out and onto my pages. I’m censoring again and it feels utterly stiffling this time. What I thought was left is now right and what I believed to be true may indeed be false. Shifting the gears, I try to catch up. I’m already so far behind that it makes more sense to stay here and find a new way. Again. Listening to the angry voices around me, I shrink into a violet that I only become when I need them to stop. To listen instead of speak. To care instead of condemn. Am I the only one whose eyes are fully open now? They don’t see me. They don’t hear me begging them to stop before my head explodes into a million pieces of candied confetti. The only thing to do at a time like this is keep driving to my happy place, even if it takes all night. In that place, the world bleeds in beautiful harmony and I once again feel safe. The noises stop.  It’s not hiding if I feel truly alive in that moment.  Just one moment then I’ll open my eyes again.  Face the noise.  Dive into the deep end, where it all begins again.

Prosaic Flow Kisses,
Me

Posted in Cryptic, Emotional Diatribes | Comments (26)