Archive for the ‘Guest Posting’ Category

Comment Orgy…

August 27th, 2008

I’ve been torturing Brandon over at / thepenismightier \ for almost a year and a half now about writing a guest post for me.  It’s either his fault for lagging or mine for not nagging…let’s call it even!  In either case, I bring to you a wonderful guest post by someone who is a helluva lot more clever than I am…

Everybody remembers their first time, well maybe not my friend Timothy who we always thought was too quiet to be Father Conrad’s favorite altarboy, anyway.  You remember that excitement, that buildup, the coming goosebumps, the loss of breath, the urge to fight back tears, blood in your mouth as you bite your lip, that curious noise, what was that? you wonder, mentally running through the lyrics to Old MacDonald, the smells, the flash of light, the release.  The little bit of regret responsible for the urge to cuddle.  The guilt, the silence, the resentment, and the lonely walk to the bathroom to see the damage done to daddy’s little flower blossom in the harsh fluorescent lights.  Ahh, yes.  Everybody remembers the first time someone left a comment on their blog.

MORE PLEASE.

Of course, one just isn’t enough, because you know that despite your collection of Star Wars memorabilia, despite your fondness of wearing Crocs to your weekly Gamestop excursion, despite your debilitating addiction to Rockstar Energy Drink, all of which give you the appearance of normalcy, you are now an insatiable comment whore.

I understand, I really do. I’m not going to judge you, just as I know you won’t judge me for the following conversation I had with my comments box at the height of my obsession.

Comment Box: 1

Me: Oooh, that’s nice.

Comment Box: 2

Me: Oh, that one was me. Oops.

Comment Box: 3

Me: /muffled moaning sounds

Comment Box: 4

Me: Dirty, dirty. You know you like it.

Comment Box: 7

Me: FUCKING CHRIST GOD

Comment Box: 9

Me: OH MOMMY

Comment Box: Wait? Did you say ‘mommy’?

Me: Um.(thinkfastthinkfast).Mommy was the nickname for my last girlfriend.
(whew!)

Comment Box: The fuck? YOU DIDN’T JUST CALL ME BY YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND’S NAME!

Me: Um. (thinkfastthinkfast). You’re on the pill, right? I think the condom fell off. (condom still unwrapped on computer desk).

Comment Box: BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

Fortunately we created a freak outlet a couple years back called the Comment Orgy.  It sort of went away for awhile (THANK YOU DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY) but I am hoping to bring it back starting here, starting now, at Hilly’s place, because who really wants to clean up after an orgy at their own place?  The rules are simple.  Leave a comment.  Eat some mango, come back and leave another.  No one is going to judge you. Some of you will bring vitamin B shots, some of you will bring furry costumes, some of you will bring Bibles. That’s not weird at all.

Once we get to 100 comments, then the orgy is considered a success, Hilly tries to recover without the assistance of an enema, and then picks someone to host the next comment orgy.  We all go back to our lives, our jobs, the boy scout troop where we volunteer, whatever.  But secretly, we all know.

Okay, now, people.

Talk dirty.

Brandon

(Hrm, Hilly sees this as a golden opportunity to up your comment whore number for August. Hilly also thinks it is a good time for lurkers to comment Hilly also is talking about herself in the third person and needs to go now.)


Posted in Around The Blogosphere, Guest Posting | Comments (214)

Am I *Ever* At My Own Blog Anymore?

August 7th, 2008

Clicky clicky to find me yet again….
Hilly

Posted in Guest Posting | Comments (0)