Archive for the ‘Health and Wellness’ Category

Part II: How Your Doctor Becomes Your Favorite Nemesis…

November 11th, 2008

If you’ve not read about the little “hypochondriac” episode I had at my doctor’s office on Monday, go ahead and read it now.  I’ll wait.  Trust me, I’ve got nothing but time.  Done?  Okay then, moving right along to the fiasco du jour…

I’m not trying to be gross here but you know that feeling you get right before you throw up?  You know, the one where you are swallowing ten times faster than usual because you can feel your stomach rising into your throat and you are determined not to let any little tasty bit of your day come out to play?  Yes, that.  Well, imagine feeling like that all day long, but to a lesser degree….we shall call it “gag lite”.   No matter what happened all day Monday, I felt as if I was suffering through gag lite at every turn, whether I ate or not…it did not make a difference.

Anydoodle, as I was doing the dishes and trying not to burp too much (I’m all class I tell you), Shawn mentioned that there were a lot of people out at his work due to a stomach flu.  “Maybe that’s what you have too”, he said, trying really hard to be helpful by finding me a rational explanation for gag lite.  “Hrm, maybe”, I said, fully knowing that there was something way more wrong with me no matter what my silly doctor had to say.

Fast forward about two hours and there I was, lying in bed watching Chuck.  My stomach was calmer than it had been all night yet I felt weak and shaky.  This was the best time to convince myself that maybe going back on my South Beach Diet on a day when I did not feel well was not such a good idea.  I mean, hello…surely sugar would make me feel better and make me stop shaking!  Nevermind the fact that I had stayed true to no carbs all fucking day long and lived through it…sugar would be the answer to my problems and my prayers!  Praise be to Pop Tarts!  No seriously, I ate Pop Tarts.  For some reason, my binge eater took over and I scarfed down not one, not two, not three but FOUR FUCKING POP TARTS while watching TV!!!

Oddly enough, I did feel better after eating all that sugar.  My belly was super full yet gag lite had gone away!  It was a miracle sent to me by the baby Jesus who, by the way, totally wanted me to eat those Pop Tarts.  I mean, it could not have had anything at all to do with being an emotional response to comfort eating or anything silly like that.  Nope.  No way was it about turning into a compulsive overeater as a means to make all of my icky feelings go away.  There is no way in hell that I was stuffing my emotions.  Fuck that!  I was making my gag lite feel better.

Ahhhh, but now fast forward about four hours and there I was, lying in bed and trying to sleep.  My stomach turned and suddenly I sat straight up in bed realizing that gag lite had turned into full on “oh my GOD I do not want to puke!” super swallowing.  As I ran to the bathroom, I heard Shawn’s voice in my head and wondered why I did not isten to him about this whole stomach flu rumor.  As my knees smacked the bathroom tile, I became worried that I’d made green chile chicken for dinner.  And then I got sick, violently sick.  And it happened more than once…each hour on the hour.  Truth be told, it is still going on.  I sleep, I barf, I write a little bit of this post, I sleep, I barf, write….blah blah blah.

But the most important part of this story?  Sometime around six this morning, as I made my way back to my bed, I thought to myself, “Suck it, doctor…there was something wrong with me!”.  And then, an even more important thought crossed my mind!  How awesome that I chose to pig on tarts right before expelling them from my system?  Do I have great timing or what???  Yes, I know…I rule.  And just in case no one gets my sense of humor here…no I am not glamorizing bulimia, for fucks sake.  What I am saying is that it’s great to *naturally* barf after a food fuck-up, sheesh.

Anyway, I need to lay down.  I feel ick.  I just thought it was important to let you all know that my doctor can suck the sack.  You know, because apparently he is supposed to be able to predict things like stomach bugs!  Ahem.

Happy Birthday To Unkey Monkey Kisses,
Me

Posted in Health and Wellness, Hilly's Life 2008, Sickies, Silly Hilly | Comments (29)

How To Become Your Doctor’s Favorite Hypochondriac…

November 10th, 2008

Doctor: Hi Hilary, how are you doing? It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you! Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and why you are here today?
Me: Well, I’ve not been feeling well at all. I mean, I am really scared that I have Chronic Fatigue or Gastritis or Fybromyalgia or something even worse!
Doctor: Woah! Slow down….what would make you jump to such rash conclusions?
Me: Oh well, I plugged in all of my symptoms to the WebMD Symptom Checker and it told me that I may have one of many major illnesses! I mean, I know it is silly to actually go all hypo and believe everything WebMD tells me, but still…
Doctor: Okay, how about we just start off with your symptoms and forget what the Internet said to you?
Me: Huh, I guess….
Doctor: Well, I’m no WebMD but I promise to try…

Me: It all started last week. I flew to Florida for six days and during that time, my stomach started really bothering me. Like, I would have heartburn to the point of wanting to throw up every time I would eat and it was even worse when I did those tequila shots!
(His eyes widen as he looks up from from his scribbles…)
Doctor: How much did you drink?
Me: Oh not a lot…so anyway, when I got home from Florida, my stomach issues got much worse. Every time I eat, my stomach cramps up really badly. Also, it feels like I have this gas that I just can’t get out. The other strange thing is that I am extremely tired. I can’t even keep my eyes open for more than about 4 hours at a time….both my mind and body feel exhausted even when I’ve done nothing.
Doctor: So, how much did you drink?
Me: Uh, not a lot. Honestly. I was a teetoller compared to usual. Boy, that low carb diet sure does make you lose all tolerance to booze, huh? I mean, wowsa…I can get drunk as all get out from just two cocktails now!

Doctor: You’ve been on a low carb diet? For how long? I do see here in your chart that you’ve lost weight since your last visit.
Me: Yeah, I have been on South Beach for about two months or so and love it! I feel so good when I am eating correctly…all energized and my tummy never hurts!
Doctor: So were you on your low carb plan in Florida?  Over the last week?
Me: No, sadly I was eating whatever I wanted even though I never really overdid it.  Uh, well not recently anyway.  I went back low carb today though.

Doctor: I see.  It looks like you recently had a psychiatric appointment and the doctor changed some of your medications around.  How’s that going?
Me: I have no idea.  I’ve been sleeping too much to feel anxious or depressed.
Doctor: Well, you know that sleeping a lot is a sign of depression.
(I raise my eyebrow realizing that this man clearly does not get my sense of humor.)

Doctor: Anything else?
Me: I have to pee a lot.
(He quickly writes that down…)
Doctor: Do you drink a lot of water?
Me: About 80-100 oz. per day.
(He quickly scribbles that out…)

Doctor: Anything else?
Me: My muscles hurt.  All of them.  Like, my back and legs are in serious pain even when I take Advil.
Doctor: Hmmm, last menstrual cycle?
Me: Today.  Right Now.  Got it about 6 hours ago.

(More silence and scribbling….)

Me: So what do you think?  I’m leaning towards CFS being the big problem here but I am hoping it’s just something little like IBS or Gastritis, really.
Doctor: Well Hilary, you’ve been through a recent time change, went off of your healthy eating plan, began your menstrual cycle and switched anxiety medications all within a one week period.  My guess is that your body is just fighting back and that regulating all of these activities and getting back to normal may make all of this go away.  We’ll put you back on the Wellbutrin and Trazodone just as it was before you went to the psychiatrist.  I also suggest that you stick with your low carb diet and continue to adjust yourself back to this time zone.  Your menstrual cycle ending will probably also bring much relief to your stomach, back and other areas that you mentioned.

Me: So you’re saying that I don’t have an incurable illness?  You know, like you’re 100% sure I don’t have Chronic Fatigue or something even worse like HIV?  I mean, the WebMD thing lists HIV as a possibility for every symptom so there’s that.  Plus, I mean I’ve been tested so there is no way that I have the HIV but the Chroni-
(He very politely cuts me off…)
Doctor: You *do* know that your psychiatry referral is good for more than just one visit per year, right?
(Clearly he does get my sense of humor after all.)

Apparently There’s Nothing Wrong With Me Kisses,
Me

Posted in Health and Wellness, Hilly's Life 2008 | Comments (35)

Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fruit Pie Fiasco…

October 9th, 2008

For some reason, I am getting a lot of spam lately and Gmail’s just not catching it.  Even worse than that is the outrageous amount of email that makes me scream “stop fucking sending me forwards” as I repeatedly press my delete button.  I mean seriously…if there were 20 people before you that already forwarded this warning about a deadly pancake mix, don’t you think I’d have already heard about it on the news?  And let’s be frank…no matter how many people I forward the Gay Tibetan Monkey Love Ritual to, there is no way in hell that I’ll instantly receive my heart’s deepest desire plus a bucket of good luck.  Hell, I practically *live* in Vegas and if that place can’t bring me the money and the honeys, well…psshhht, your email won’t do me right either.

With that said, I wish someone would have sent me one of those heinous emails, maybe warning me about the effects of eating a Hostess Cherry Fruit Pie after not having had refined sugar (or many other kinds of carbs) for over six weeks.  Where’s that fucking forward when one needs it, huh huh huh?  Erm, or how about the one warning me not to waste my total “sugar snap” on something so devoid of yumminess?  I mean, if I was gonna pour sugar down my gullet, why not wait until it was on something good like tiramisu, gelato or pain chocolat?  Le grand sigh, indeed.

So uh yeah, obviously I fell off the wagon today but seriously?  I don’t feel bad about it at all.  The thing is that I maybe got about 4 hours of sleep last night, if that.  As I was trudging through my morning, trying desperately to keep up my energy so that I could clean the house before out of town guests arrived, my PMS cravings tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “hey, me too”.  It’s like my brain instantly knew what that whisper was and like Templeton, I absconded with one of Shawn’s fruit pies and scurried up the stairs to enjoy it while watching Dirty Sexy Money.  I was sure that I was going to scarf it down in one big swallow, never even tasting the cherry goodness as it passed my lips.  However, two things happened…

1.  I ate the pie rather slowly, actually enjoying every little bit of it.  It seemed to be a huge amount of sugar on my tongue.
2.  That being said, I only ate about 3/4 of the pie because uh….wow, sweet much?

As soon as I was done (and I mean almost immediately), my stomach began to churn and the agida rose in my throat. Ooooh, I forgot how much crap food can give one the reflux! I thought about how the pie experience made me feel overall as I also wondered if I would let this slip-up give me an excuse to pig out for the whole day, week, month….eventually gaining all 26 pounds that I have lost. As I started the second stage of food guilt processing, I realized that I really had none. So fucking what? I ate a Hostess Fruit Pie. Big whoop. Isn’t having a healthy lifestyle supposed to be about eating really well pretty much all of the time and enjoying a treat now and again? Shouldn’t I be proud of the fact that when we went to lunch at Claim Jumper a few hours later, I had a little tri tip and a garden salad rather than pigging out there too?

Maybe I’m finally growing up but uh….being hard on myself never got me anywhere in the past.  If I am unable to forgive stupid little things like fruit pies, how can I have a healthy outlook on food and my body in general?  Right, I can’t.  It’s everything else that happened today and of that, I am proud.

After all, it’s just a fucking fruit pie.  It’s not that important.  Well, yanno…if you don’t count the whole blog post I just made about it.

Finger Licking Good Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Technology, Health and Wellness, Hilly's Life 2008 | Comments (26)

That I Would Be Good Even If I Gained Ten Pounds…

August 25th, 2008

I smiled when I heard the announcement over the Southwest Airlines PA System…“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Our flight into Sacramento is on time so as soon as the plane empties out, we’ll begin boarding. Just so you know, there are only about 54 people booked on this flight so it looks as if it will be a comfortable ride!”. That gate agent, who was probably more than thrilled to deliver good news then take our tickets, had no idea just how much he had completely made my day. You see, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not comfortable with my body.

Blah blah blah, lather, rinse, repeat, get over it, repeat, get over it again.

In any case, when you fly as an overweight person there is an added struggle to air travel. One very prevalent issue is that a lot of the time, your average size person does not want to sit next to an overweight person. Hell, I don’t even spill into a second seat like some people do and yet, I am extremely careful not to even touch the person in the seat next to me. I do this by tensing up and squish myself as close to the window as I can go. Sure, I feel all achy in my joints when I finally get up but hey, I’ve saved myself embarrassment, right?. Pshht. The second issue that some people suffer through is the embarrassment of having to get a seat belt extender.  My fat ass worries about that too, quite honestly.

Before anyone rolls his or her eyes, I am not self-deprecating here.  I’m only tackling a subject that not many people are comfortable enough to talk about. So there!

To be completely honest, I’m at that point where I can either squeeze the hell out of my fat ass and fit the seatbelt around me, crushing my little squishy spots OR I can get over it and ask for the damned extender, just to be more comfortable.  Now usually, I just don’t ask and squeeze in nice and tight until I arrive at my destination with red welts across my belly and the deluded notion that I definitely am not that fat.  Oh yes, sometimes that comes with a side of heartburn so bad that I’m dropping Tums into 7up as if it were a awesome new cocktail that I’d just fucking invented.  Quite honestly, it’s pathetic.

While the simple answer to all of this is “lose weight”, it’s not the only answer.  Until the time when I get over myself and decide to not let my emotional crutch be food, I have to start living with the body that I *do* have.  I’m not quite sure exactly where this attitude came from so suddenly on Friday afternoon, but as I found myself entering the plane and asking the steward for a seatbelt extension, I honestly did not give a fuck about who snickered because I needed one.  I didn’t *need* one and yet at the same time, I guess I did.  Anyway, when I asked for the damned thing, I did not whisper.  I did not lower my face, covering it with my hair.  I did not do it with an embarrassed smile.  I just asked for it in my normal voice then said “thank you” with the same kind of smile I’d have given my local barista after he hooked me up with my liquid crack.

I finally owned who I am, not who I am striving to be one day.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have lofty goals and realistic expectations when it comes to getting back in shape.  I know myself well enough to know that food is my addiction just like others use booze or drugs.  When life calms down and my soul is a bit happier (which it is starting to be now, btw) then the food won’t matter as much and the weight will melt away.  Eventually, I’ll figure out how to NOT turn to food the next time I am miserable.  These are all things I know and all things I’m finally starting to really fucking look at with honest eyes.  However, in the meantime, I need to not be ashamed of who I am.

I am overweight.
I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am funny.
I’m good in bed.
And I am a million other things that have nothing to do with my weight, thanks.

And yet, I let it own me more than I should. I only have glimpses of moments where I feel and act sexy or whatever else.  The tapes constantly play in my head though…asking and wondering who is talking about me or laughing at me.  Uhhh, gee…egotistical much?  I guess I’m just done worrying about it.  Those who love me, love me…and all of me.

I almost think that self-improving by loving myself no matter what is the first step to actually taking off the weight successfully this time.  How can I do something good for my body when I hate it so much?  That’s completely counterproductive and I’m done.  You hear me?  Done.

Love To Love Me, Baby Kisses,
Me

Posted in Health and Wellness, Hilly's Life 2008, Redefining Hilly | Comments (45)

Snackie Sunday: Humpty Dumpty

July 13th, 2008

I feel bad for writing all about my mental and physical issues but not taking the time to answer everyone in comments.  You see, I’ve got this little fractured wrist thing going on so both my desire and ability to type are somewhat limited.  A quick update though…that talk I needed to have?  Yeah, it went just fine and even though I felt like a paranoid freakshow, when all was said and done, I believe that my bond with that person was actually made stronger.  So yeah, thanks for the advice to just ask the tough questions.  Secondly, my wrist is well…fucked.  I spent all of Thursday going between Orthopedics and Radiology because they could not for the life of them figure out if the Xray showed a hairline fracture or not.  Long story short, I ended up being treated for the fracture, given lots of yummy medicines and sent home with a very specific treatment plan, blah blah.  And yanno, even though this is just a “hairline” fracture, it’s the first time in my life that I’ve even sorta kinda broke anything!

Which, of course, leads us to….

Snackie Sunday

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN ANY BONES AND/OR HAD MAJOR SURGERY?
(DETAILS PLEASE!)

As I’ve already mentioned, I have never broken a damned thing in my life (uhh, in a world where “thing” equals “bone”). Sure, I’ve had every crazy tendinitis, carpal tunnel and radial tunnel surgery around but nope, never any broken bones! The only other real surgery I’ve ever had was my tonsillectomy, when I was like FIVE. To this day, even though it’s not really surgery at all, the most heinous medical thing I’ve ever gone through are my spinal taps….those have killed me every time.

Anyway, your turn!  Oh and, just as a totally semi-related aside…I know I am behind on blog commenting and I truly apologize.  I am doing the best I can with the limited time I am allowed to use my wrist, dammit fucking shit.  Just know that I *am* reading everything!

Soma Kisses,
Me

Posted in Health and Wellness, Snackie Sunday 2008 | Comments (49)

Cups and Cakes, With A Side Of “Crucify”…

June 13th, 2008

Laid down on crisp white sheets…
Knees pressed against my chest…
Him behind me, powerful and taking charge…
Startled by his touch….
Sweat dripping down my body…
Writhing and moaning…
Slowly he sticks it in…
Each moment a little deeper, slowly, slowly….
And with each thrust of movement…

Pain!  Sheer and utter fucking pain! Want to know why?  Oh goodie, because I am going to tell you why!  The man was a doctor and his tool?  Something close to a needle about 28 miles long.  This is what the professionals call a “spinal tap” and I’ve had quite a few of them in my day.  You see, since about 2000, I’ve had a medical condition called Psuedotumor Cerebri (or Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension for those who like the big words).  You can read that website if you like but the basic gist is this:

Pseudotumor Cerebri (intracranial hypertension) is a condition where there is an increase in pressure of fluid surrounding the brain and spinal cord (cerebrospinal fluid or CSF) mimicking a brain tumor.

In layman’s terms, I produce too much spinal fluid, it goes into my brain, causes tumoh-like symptoms and it either goes away or I get the extra fluid taken out with a giant needle.  Guess which one of those scenarios played out after work yesterday?  Come on, guess!  Ding, ding, ding….spinal tap for the win!

Before yesterday, it had been a long time since things had acted up…but when I twatted about nearly passing out Thursday morning, it struck me that this could be the reason why.  A good friend talked with me pretty much throughout the whole day and convinced me to go get it checked out.  So I did.  And they tapped that ass spine, even though I was just in the beginning stage of severity.

I am not going to lie to you here…it fucking hurt like hell.  Basically they don’t numb you up all of the way so that they can have you tell them when they’re hitting a nerve (i.e. going the wrong way).  And you know what else I’ll admit to?  Crying like a total baby because it hurt so badly.  Huge tears streaming down my face wishing someone was there to hold my hand and stroke my hair.  But alas, it was just me and Doctor Gupta (oh and his big fatty bo-batty needle, of course).  Either way, I was strong and made it through so there’s that.

So uh yeah….all fixed, sorta kinda. My mental state is still highly questionable. ;)

Needy With A Side Of “Drained” Kisses,
Me

Posted in Health and Wellness | Comments (37)

Someone’s Standing In My Way! Oh Wait, It’s Me….

May 27th, 2008

Today I woke up feeling sluggish.  I suspected that coffee and a shower would help but even as I sit here now, my body seems to feel heavy-laden and my brain is nothing more than mush.  I feel like I am staring from behind a spring haze, unable to fully focus on anything and more importantly, unable to feel many emotions.  Don’t get me wrong, nothing is really the matter emotionally (well you know, more than the usual).  I think this might be physical.  Wait, I’ll *own* it….this IS physical.

You see, I’m fat. 

Now now, before you roll your eyes, expecting my standard "hate the way I look" post, this isn’t that.  In fact, I’ve oddly become more and more okay with loving myself the way I am lately.  I’ll go into that miracle another day but today is about the physical duress that comes from being overweight.  It’s funny that the lovely Miss Hellohahanarf posted about this same topic today because it’s been heavily (pun totally intended) on my mind as well.  As a matter of fact, last night I admitted something to my friend Shiny but told him that if he told anyone else, I’d have his balls on a stick.  But since Ms. Narf was so forthcoming, I shall be too…..

I’ve rejoined Jenny Craig.
(I’ve also got a brand new pair of roller skates but we’ll save that for later!)

I wasn’t going to post about it cause, yeah hi….we’ve seen me go up and down like a whore many many times during my blogging career.  But now I want so say "so the fuck what?".  I’ve made mistakes and been imperfect with my weight loss efforts.  Fuck man, I’m human.  If you think I sound defensive, I totally am.  But you know what?  It’s not any of you that have made me feel this way…it is my own damned self.  It’s like I have to keep reminding myself that every failure before this one and/or every success is in the past.  What matters is today and moving forward.  If I don’t post about this because I am afraid of what people will say when I fail, isn’t that just a bullshitty self-fulfilling prophecy?  Why can’t I come at you with the attitude that reeks of my success instead?  I can!  And I am!

Those of you that were around in the winter of 2006 know just how successful I was on Jenny Craig….I lost a ton of weight and felt really good about myself.  And so now we’re full circle back to this…feeling good.  I don’t want to wake up without energy each day and feel drained just from the little things.  I don’t want to breathe heavily unless it has to do with sex or exercise, preferably in that order.  What I *do* want is to be able to go back to Philly and run up those "Rocky Stairs" without feeling like I need to die afterwards.  Sure, I did it this year (and am proud of myself) but I almost hocked up a lung as a sacrifice to the art of Frida Kahlo.  I want to have pep, energy and all the great feelings that go along with that. 

I want to be the best fucking me that I can be.  I deserve to be the best fucking me that I can be.  And you know what?  I’m feeling quite happy that I actually recognize and expect more for myself in life…things are looking up!

Roller Skate Hilly Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Diatribes, Health and Wellness | Comments (30)

By The Time You Read This Note, I’ll Be Gone….

November 20th, 2007

By the time that *most* of you read this, I will be having my surgery.  It’s scheduled for the butt-crack of dawn Wednesday morning, which of course makes me deliriously happy.  I love getting up at 5:00 in the fucking morning!  Yeah okay, maybe not….but I will say that I am happy that after tomorrow, my healing can finally begin and maybe I won’t have fucking arm and wrist pain every day of my stinking life anymore.  Oh geez, for those of you not up on my latest dramas and traumas, my surgeries are a simple carpel tunnel release and then a little bit (but not much) more complicated procedure on my tendinits in my arm.

Anyway, what this means is that I probably won’t be typing much over
the next few days, so please pardon my leave of absence.  I guess it
comes at a good time, what with it being an American holiday and all
that jazz.  I’ll probably pre-draft Snackie Sunday then let the rest of
the days fall quiet around these here parts.  Of course, as soon as I
say that, I will be calling Foo, begging her to post something for me, then bitching cause I like five dots in my ellipses while she only used three.
Then she’ll get exasperated, hang up on me, and I will lose my BFF.  Le
sigh, guess I better just find a way to shut up for a few days ;).

So, I guess it wouldn’t truly be me if I didn’t leave you with a
topic of discussion as I sashay out the door.  Everyone seems to be
asking what your favorite Thanksgiving foods are and/or what you are
thankful for.  So, I won’t do that….cause I never really was a
joiner.  Nope, I’m going to ask you something totally different.  How
about this:  What is one thing that you would like to change over the next year that will make you ultimately happier inside?
Maybe it’s something you need to actively do…..maybe it’s something
you need to "get over" so that you can move forward…..maybe it’s a
simple lifestyle change…..maybe it’s an emotional thang.  Whatever it
is….tell me about it (yanno, as little or as much as you feel
comfortable with).  I’ll just simply say that I’d like to get control
back over my own life instead of feeling like I am always reacting.  I
know I’ve mentioned it before.  Some of it is situational for now and
some of it is my tendency to go all Scarlett O’Hara when things get
super rough and complicated.  Hell, at least I know that much!

I hope that everyone has a great holiday and an even wonderful long
weekend.  I will be reading blogs through my feed reader but will let
my hand dictate whether or not I can comment.  One handed typing is
more of a pain in the ass than you would think!  If you really need me,
email me or text me,  Hell, you can even call me…if you have my
number, that is!

Thankful For All Of You Kisses,
Me

  COMMENT FEED

 

Posted in Health and Wellness, Hilly's Life 2007 | Comments (36)

Sunshine, Rainbows and My Little Pony!

November 14th, 2007

Today I am all about this stuff that I wrote in one of my gajillion blogs.  If you don’t care about me and my efforts to finally fucking get healthy, don’t click…see if I care! 

Seriously though, it feels good to finally accomplish something and have the strength to keep on moving!  I don’t have much else to talk about here today so uh yeah….

Bananarama Kisses,
Me

Posted in Health and Wellness | Comments (0)

Emergency Room Wishes and TequilaCon Dreams….

November 10th, 2007

Yesterday started off quite ordinary….it was a day at home, spent nursing the tendinitis and carpal tunnel in my wrist, eating Lite Popcorn, starting a new blog and watching a Doctor Who marathon.  By the time I was supposed to leave for Physical Therapy, I was in so much pain that my stomach felt sick.  Now some of you might ask why the hell I am even online half of the time if my arm hurts and I’l tell you…a lot of the time I do one-handed typing and other times, it just doesn’t matter because it would hurt just as severely were I just sitting there.  Anywayyyyy, as soon as PT began, I ran to the bathroom vomiting and crying from the pain.  Since I’m not normally a Drama Queen when it comes to pain, this raised the eyebrows of the PT department and they sent me immediately down to Kaiser’s UrgiCare Center.

Some of you may recall last fall when I went through this same process then ended up finally having surgery in the winter.  So while others may have been scared or irritated to sit in the ER for awhile, I was relieved.  I’d rather have then slice and dice my arm than be in this much pain every damned day.  In any case, I left the ER with a referral to ortho for surgery, a doctor’s note for work, paperwork for disability and a "large and in charge" bottle of pain pills.  I came home, ate dinner, popped a pill, got excited over the possibility of getting the surgery done right before the holidays so I could at least enjoy the time off, popped another pill four hours later then passed the fuck out.

That’s when it happened.,,,,

I dreamed that I went to TequilaCon ‘08 and nobody cared that I was there….at all. And even worse than that, everybody was completely assy with me and made fun of me the whole time!  For some reason (cause it was Dreamland, I am sure), I was stupid and forgot to book a hotel room.  I showed up to TC08 figuring that I could just grab a room and yet there were so many more people than intended that all of Philadelphia was booked up….*snort*.  The first person I thought of to save me was Foo (since in real life she is coming this year!) but her cell phone kept dying and all I could make out was "take a fucking walk through town and find a hostel, geez".  Right, in Crime Capital USA?  Then I thought, "Dave!  Dave has a big heart and will at least let me chill til I find a girl to bunk with".  But he told me to go find Sizzle because his room was too full with his printer and lanyards and such.  Uhhhh.  So I went to find Sizzle, who basically told me that she wanted to get it on with her man and did not want company.  And I kept on this train with Jenny, Vahid, and Brandon…..but they all laughed at me and told me to get a life.  Eventually I flew back home feeling really unwanted ….a few days later an envelope from Dave showed up in my mailbox.  When I opened it, there was a huge poster inside signed by everyone at TequilaCon that said, "WISH YOU WERE HERE!".  I promptly woke up, saying, "what the fuck!?!?!?"

I dread the analyzation of that dream so let’s just blame it on the pain pills, shall we?  I mean, that probably IS why I had a dream about that crazy crap anyway!  Meanwhile, back in Realsville, I am planning a weekend of more laziness, more pills and more television.  My surgery should be next week but I will keep you all informed of the exact details!

One Handed Typing Bandita Kisses,
Me

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