Snackie’s World

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Stop The World And Melt Me, Sweet Cheeks…

October 16th, 2008

In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t normally talk about sex on my blog. Most people find religion and politics at the top of their “taboo” lists, but not this freakshow. Nope, I’d rather bore you with a meme about my cat than become extremely open and honest about who I am as a sexual being. So why am I writing this post? Well, first of all, I like to step outside of my comfort bubble now and again, especially when my thoughts feel stale. Secondly, I’ve been in a contemplative state about women and sex every since Crys and Stephanie made their posts on the same subject. I’m trying to answer my own question of “why don’t I ever want to bring up my sexuality on my blog?” and so far I am coming up with nothing.

It’s not as if I’m a prudish person. I’ve had phone sex, chat sex, and more than my share of real live sex. I’ve had sex with men, sex with women and that one threesome that scarred me for life. I like dirty talk as long as it’s not lame and cheesy. I’m not afraid to use some of the more colorful words to describe genitalia. I’m adventurous in bed and dare I say a bit kinky? No no, not hideous kinky or anything fetishist but you know…nasty. I think that you can be in love with someone and still fuck. I also think that being in love and actually “making love” is better but you know, sometimes the animals have to come out and play! I love porn and even though I don’t have a mega-collection or anything, I watch it now and then. I think that views on porn should be openly discussed and agreed upon in a relationship and also that they can be a fun little tool to spice up the bedroom now and again. I’m almost 37 years old and am definitely at my sexual peak. Being at your sexual peak makes you totally fucking horny all of the time. So yes, that is where I am in my life…in a sexual frenzy. That being said, I think masturbation is healthy and practice it on a full-time basis. I’m not embarrassed by the fact that I masturbate and will admit to it freely rather than hide it. However, I’ve never owned a dildo and would like to try one someday. I like oral sex - both giving and receiving. I’ve never done anal because I don’t really like pain with my pleasure. I’ll have sex with the lights on OR off. I’ll have sex in places other than my bed. In fact, I really *did* once get busy in a Burger King bathroom. I love people who are sexually open and honest, especially when they tell me their dirty little secrets but I also respect people that need to keep it all locked up inside. Just because I’m a freak on a leash doesn’t mean I don’t get why you’re not.

Maybe there is a small part of me that is still ashamed to put that all out there for the world to see? Eh, I don’t think so…I mean, I’ve never had a puritanical view on sex in my entire life! Maybe I’ve read and unsubscribed from way too many blogs because all the authors ever did was talk about sex? I mean, it gets to be too much. The most likely answer to this question is that no matter how fast and loose I am with my own sexuality, it is still a very intimate thing. If we’re sitting in a cafe, annoying the other patrons by talking over our sexual adventures, well that’s one thing. You’re there, you’ve asked and you really want to be talking about this. I guess I feel like posting about it here is sort of forcing myself on you in a very boisterous way. Maybe I’ll make you uncomfortable. I know I shouldn’t care because this is MY blog but when it comes down to it, I like having some tact. And even though I’d never want to admit it, maybe there is still a part of me that can hear my grandmother saying that “a nice girl never talks about sex”. Pshhht, whatever…like my bio says: I’ve got a dirty mouth but I’m still a nice girl.

And uh, I sure as hell didn’t get any answers at all writing this but hey, at least I wrote about something that makes me uncomfortable so there’s that. Although, God help me if my father ever finds this blog. Seriously.

Shyly Turning Away Kisses,
Me

Posted in Hilly's Life 2008, Love, Random Schmandom, Sexual Stuff | Comments (29)

Because You Love Me…

September 26th, 2008

I got a call from a friend of mine this morning announcing that she’d broken up with her boyfriend of almost five years. I never really liked the guy all that much, so I tried to downplay my enthusiasm since yanno, she was in pain and all that. When I asked her why, she told me that is was a combination of many things but one thing really stood out:

“Do you know Hilary, that in the five years we’ve been together, he’s never been able to tell me exactly why he loves me? Whenever I would ask him why, he’d say ‘because I just do’. You would think that his ass could come up with at least one better descriptive than that, for God’s sake!”

I snorted a little at her indignation, offered up the usual condolences mixed with the “more fish in the sea” and “take some time for yourself” platitudes then hung up and started thinking. Have *I* ever had a relationship where my significant other couldn’t tell me why he loved me? And then it struck me…I used to be head over heels in love with a boy. In fact, we were pretty much stuck at the hip for a few years. Whenever I asked him why he loved me, he would say, “Because you love me.”

What? I am sorry but “because you love me” is just not a good enough reason. Look, I get that some people don’t know how to express themselves all that well but seriously? Every now and then a person wants or maybe even needs to hear why they are loved. Personally, I am not the type to go around annoyingly asking every five seconds but every now and then, in a fit of either insecurity or in a schmoopy doopy moment, I will ask. I expect more than “because I just do” ‘or “because you love me“. Why do I expect more? Because *I* give more.

When I am asked why I love someone, I tend to be the list-maker type. I mean, seriously, if I can’t find at least five reasons why I love someone, then I probably shouldn’t be claiming love in the first place, right? So yeah, that’s my type…Listy McWordsalot. I usually say something like…

“You’re smart, you’re sexy, you’re generous to a fault, you listen when I speak, you let me be myself, you have a unique way of looking at the world, you make me laugh, you’re gentle and loving and when I’m with you, I feel like I can conquer the world.”

Other people define their love for another in a more “situational” way. I’ve heard people describe the moment they fell in love with someone and if you think about the following sentence, you can see why…

“Remember that time when I was really sick? You brought me soup and read me that SciFi book even though you *hate* SciFi? It was then that I knew I loved you.”

Then, there is the poetic and romantic type. They may not be able to list reasons but at least they are trying to convey how someone makes them feel…

“I can’t describe it exactly but everything about you makes me happy and I just want to be with you all of the time.”

Even this type is better than nothing. Pure flowery romance but I’d way rather hear that someone gets butterflies around me than uh, “they love me because I love them”…

“I get butterflies in my stomach not only when you’re around but also whenever I think of you.”

Which type are you? Or…do you have another approach when asked that question? I’ll tell you what…I know some people hate that question but hey, it’s much better than “what are you thinking about?”. Hell, I am a woman and I don’t even want to be asked what I am thinking about. Besides, I think about my pure friendships the same way. If asked why I am friends with someone, I still list reasons, haha.

Maybe other people are fine hearing “because you love me” and think I am bat shit crazy for thinking that is the lamest reason evar! But for me? It’s just not something I ever want to hear again. Not at all.

Love On A Friday Kisses,
Me

Posted in Curious Hilly, Friendship, Love | Comments (32)