Snackie’s World

October 9th, 2008

For some reason, I am getting a lot of spam lately and Gmail’s just not catching it. Even worse than that is the outrageous amount of email that makes me scream “stop fucking sending me forwards” as I repeatedly press my delete button. I mean seriously…if there were 20 people before you that already forwarded this warning about a deadly pancake mix, don’t you think I’d have already heard about it on the news? And let’s be frank…no matter how many people I forward the Gay Tibetan Monkey Love Ritual to, there is no way in hell that I’ll instantly receive my heart’s deepest desire plus a bucket of good luck. Hell, I practically *live* in Vegas and if that place can’t bring me the money and the honeys, well…psshhht, your email won’t do me right either.

With that said, I wish someone would have sent me one of those heinous emails, maybe warning me about the effects of eating a Hostess Cherry Fruit Pie after not having had refined sugar (or many other kinds of carbs) for over six weeks. Where’s that fucking forward when one needs it, huh huh huh? Erm, or how about the one warning me not to waste my total “sugar snap” on something so devoid of yumminess? I mean, if I was gonna pour sugar down my gullet, why not wait until it was on something good like tiramisu, gelato or pain chocolat? Le grand sigh, indeed.

So uh yeah, obviously I fell off the wagon today but seriously? I don’t feel bad about it at all. The thing is that I maybe got about 4 hours of sleep last night, if that. As I was trudging through my morning, trying desperately to keep up my energy so that I could clean the house before out of town guests arrived, my PMS cravings tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “hey, me too”. It’s like my brain instantly knew what that whisper was and like Templeton, I absconded with one of Shawn’s fruit pies and scurried up the stairs to enjoy it while watching Dirty Sexy Money. I was sure that I was going to scarf it down in one big swallow, never even tasting the cherry goodness as it passed my lips. However, two things happened…

1. I ate the pie rather slowly, actually enjoying every little bit of it. It seemed to be a huge amount of sugar on my tongue.
2. That being said, I only ate about 3/4 of the pie because uh….wow, sweet much?

As soon as I was done (and I mean almost immediately), my stomach began to churn and the agida rose in my throat. Ooooh, I forgot how much crap food can give one the reflux! I thought about how the pie experience made me feel overall as I also wondered if I would let this slip-up give me an excuse to pig out for the whole day, week, month….eventually gaining all 26 pounds that I have lost. As I started the second stage of food guilt processing, I realized that I really had none. So fucking what? I ate a Hostess Fruit Pie. Big whoop. Isn’t having a healthy lifestyle supposed to be about eating really well pretty much all of the time and enjoying a treat now and again? Shouldn’t I be proud of the fact that when we went to lunch at Claim Jumper a few hours later, I had a little tri tip and a garden salad rather than pigging out there too?

Maybe I’m finally growing up but uh….being hard on myself never got me anywhere in the past. If I am unable to forgive stupid little things like fruit pies, how can I have a healthy outlook on food and my body in general? Right, I can’t. It’s everything else that happened today and of that, I am proud.

After all, it’s just a fucking fruit pie. It’s not that important. Well, yanno…if you don’t count the whole blog post I just made about it.

Finger Licking Good Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Technology, Health and Wellness, Hilly's Life 2008 | Comments (26)

October 8th, 2008

The biggest reason I pull out the old “confession booth” every few months has nothing to do with not having anything else to post about. Usually it’s more about me being needy for lots and lots of interaction with people and/or the comfort that comes from knowing other people are just as fucked up as I am. Oh hey, check it out, I’ve made a confession already! Anydoodle, the reason I am bringing the Confession Booth back today is quite different! Not one, not two, but *three* different people have emailed me in the last week asking me when I’d post it! And yanno, not being a person to let anyone down (oooh, another confession), I thought we’d go ahead and play today! I can’t think of a better time actually, since the seasons are changing (for most of you) and because I am going to be busy with out of town guests arriving for Blizzcon!

Some of you know and love the Confession Booth posts whereas others of you are “new” to my blog since the last shindig. You can see previous confession booth posts by clicking here! A lot of those old posts were imported from TypePad so please excuse how totally ghetto-fabulous they look what with their fucked up alignment and broken images. You’d think I would go back and fix it but hey, confession….I am a lazy fucking beyotch! However, as always, I actually will post a snippet that was included in the very first confession booth post so that you know how it all works. See how giving I am? See, dammit?

“So I got to thinking…..we need a good old, soul cleansing confessional here in the PRB. Of course, if you want to talk about crazy things that have major psychological depth, Post Secret always loves to hear from people. But what about the small stuff? Life’s aggravations, accomplishments, random thoughts, and various other things that we never admit to anyone?

Well, that is where the “Snackie Confession Booth” comes into play! You are welcome to come here and confess to something, no matter how big or small. If you want to get real deep and do so anonymously, I won’t out you. If you want to be “yourself” and talk about random stuff that you would just LOVE to confess, dig it….and then do it!

Everyone is welcome! In fact, tell your friends to swing by and let a load off of their chests, if only for a moment. You can confess to one thing, two things or many things and can come by as many times as you like!

IMPORTANT ADDITION: If you want to comment anonymously, please use a fake email address such as me@me.com and you can use www.snackiepoo.com as your URL or it will revert to the one you have used here before! “

Now then, just so you know…I comment anonymously on these things quite a bit. But for now, here are my confessions that I don’t mind sharing with the world:

1. I keep making promises to God that I’ll stop listening to Concrete Blonde’s Tomorrow, Wendy but I never keep the promise. The last time I swore never to listen to it again, I was going to Jester’s house and my needle was below “E”. I promised God that if he let me make it to the gas station, I’d totally take the cd out of my player and never listen to the blasphemy again. Today, I faltered. I’m sorry but with that song’s kick ass lyrics, how can I stop myself?

2. Even though I already have a plane ticket to Florida, I am still not sure I can afford to go. I had a roommate lined up but now, not so much.

3. I’ve been plotting my mass consumption of every carb on the planet for about five days now. Even though I’ve successfully lost 26 pounds, I just want or need a day off. With that being said, the reason I am stoked for Blizzcon has nothing to do with friends coming in or the fact that Shawn is not on a panel this year (which means a bigger likelihood to drag him to Disneyland). Nope, it’s all about the fact that I am eating a real fucking meal Friday night! I’ve deiced to let Friday be a “day off” from no carbs.

4. My life contains a very complicated situation and yet, it doesn’t stress me out at all. It’s the most peaceful storm I’ve ever been in.

Now then…time for YOUR freak flags to fly high!

Feeling Very Halloweenie Kisses,
Me

Posted in Confession Booth, Curious Hilly | Comments (54)

October 7th, 2008

You Tube Recording Is Ass Kisses,
Me

Posted in Election, Hilly's Life 2008, My Birthday, Video Posts | Comments (21)

October 6th, 2008

For those of you not jacked in to my Twitter and Flickr (and really, why should you be?), I finally gots mah hair did today! I went from having hair that was down to my shoulder blades that looked skanky, dry and sported enough split ends to make Frederic Fekkai weep to having a short, layered hairdo which now shines and looks totally healthy! Wanna see? Well let me show you!

The greatest thing about finally getting rid of all of that hair isn’t just that I look cute…nay nay! For the first time in months, I feel sexy and sassy. I honestly want to go out and be cute rather than hide my hair under a hat, desperately hoping that no one recognizes me. These little things that we do for ourselves? Infinitely important. I keep forgetting that…

Bumble & Bumble Honey Infused Kisses,
Me

Posted in Hilly's Life 2008, Vanity | Comments (53)

October 5th, 2008

I have no idea how I ended up on an Astrology site yesterday afternoon. I’m guessing that it had something to do with clicking something that I shouldn’t have (thanks Facebook) and then not being able to look away. There were not only daily horoscopes but all of these fascinating * different kinds* of horoscopes to choose from. I spent a good hour telling the website all of my intimate details then another two hours wondering how each version of my horoscope was so different. I guess it’s sort of like religion in that you pick just one and stick with it, even though the others intrigue you? Oh wait, it’s not like I do *that* either. In any case, I was intrigued for a bit however it ended when the next shiny thing caught my eye.

It’s time for…

1. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY (I keep a calendar for ecards!)
2. WHAT’S YOUR SIGN, BABY?
3. DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?

You have no idea how many times people have asked what my sign is after meeting me. When I say “Scorpio”, they say “ahhhh, no wonder!” as if they were looking for an explanation for my antics! All joking aside, I’ve always thought that the basic astrological qualities and associations of Scorpios completely go hand in hand with who I am. Let’s take a look at what Wikipedia has to say about the basic traits of a Scorpio…

Associated Traits
intense, powerful, determined/tenacious/preserving, emotional/sensitive, calm but seething, reserved/withdrawn, secretive, deep/profound, passionate/sexual, loyal, ambitious, extreme, willful, mysterious/magnetic, deeply resentful/brooding/potentially destructive.

Attributes
Likes (totally me): activity, mysteries, secrets, winning, being acknowledged, strategy.
Dislikes (totally not me): being analyzed, being asked personal questions, people who think they know more than Scorpios do, too many compliments, having to trust a stranger.

Now then, as far as my Daily Horoscope goes? I don’t believe it nor do I read it. In high school and my early 20’s, I was the exact opposite. Man oh man, I would read that thing every day and look for the sign just to prove that it was all true. Besides, they are all so generic. Today’s horoscope said:

“It’s a good time for taking risks with money or emotions. You aren’t able to control yourself anyway typically, so you may as well go all-in! It might not pay off, but the ride is worth the admission price!”

You see? That’s not really telling me anything that someone else couldn’t tell me and also? It’s a common Scorpio trait to take risk with their emotions anyway! Pffft.

Oh and my birthday? That I forgot to add on the original post? November 4th…Election Day!

Burgundy Corduroy Bell Bottom Kisses,
Me

Posted in Snackie Sunday 2008 | Comments (44)

October 4th, 2008

Once again, I am trying to clean up my Blogroll page! I think I have eliminated all broken links and deleted all blogs which haven’t been active for some time. If I deleted your blog by mistake, please let me know! Nothing was eliminated because I hate anyone or anything lame like that, sheesh. Sometimes I get into organizational mode and go a big crazy, that’s all. So, if you will take time out of your busy day for three things…

1. If your blog is there, check that I have the correct URL.
2. If your blog is not there, let me know to add it. I haven’t added a lot of my new reads yet so I sure as hell would NOT mind the poke-reminder.
3. Have a happy weekend!

Ricky Retardo Kisses,
Me

Posted in Around The Blogosphere, Organization Station | Comments (19)

October 2nd, 2008

It’s that time of year again…or rather, this time it’s been almost 18 freaking months since I’ve started growing out my hair. Her’s the thing…my hair does not do well with a lot of length no matter how much I take care of it. As you can see from Exhibit A (aka “hot mess”), my hair just looks all crazy. Granted, that is the absolute worst picture of me that I could find but yanno. Seriously though, I took that picture in August, so my hair is a little longer and a lot more “meh”. What the hell does that have to do with you? We’re playing the vanity game here at Snackie’s World because I’m off to get a new “do” on Saturday!

Please cast your vote for the hairstyle you like best. I realize that they are all pretty much the same-ish but uh, little details matter. Longer, shorter, more layers, less layers. Ah yes, five minutes after watching a Vice Presidential Debate and all I can talk about is my hair! Pffft, whatever! Also, if you want to see what my face looks like when I am way less tardy, go check out my Flickr (but really, they are almost all tardy).

I thank you so so so very much for your input! You are rockin’ like Dokken! Yeah, I did just say that…*hangs head in shame*.

Sitting Here With A Placenta Mask On My Hair Kisses.
Me

Posted in Hilly's Life 2008, Polls, Vanity | Comments (47)

October 1st, 2008

I hate to use the word “hate” (heh) but it works for the title.

Anyway, the other day I was talking to Jester about some stuff revolving around friendships which really got me thinking about the things that I look for in a friend and also, the things that will make me end a toxic friendship without second thought. The list below are some of the various reasons that I’d have to walk away from a friendship (well except the Twitter one, cause that would make me a crazy person).

1. You’re always negative. Seriously, I am all for the snark and sarcasm but some people don’t see the difference between being funny/sarcastic and being whiny/asstastic. It’s very hard to get me to take anyone seriously when all they do is bitch bitch bitch.

2. You find fault with everything I say and/or do. I’m not a milquetoast who can’t take constructive criticism. In fact, I welcome it if it is warranted. However, there are some people that just want to nitpick the hell out of others and quite honestly, that frustrates me and I don’t have the patience for it.

3. You talk shit about people. Look, I am no saint…I’ve gossiped. I’ve also expressed my frustrations about certain people to mutual friends upon occasion. It’s not right but sometimes you just need to vent to a person who understands. So that stuff, I get. However, there are people out there who talk crap about almost everyone they know whenever I talk to them. Newsflash…if they are talking shit about others to me, then they are also talking shit about me to others.

4. You send me important information through Twitter rather than to my email address. Dude, yes Twitter is convenient what with its “direct message” feature and all. And okay, when someone sends you a DM through Twitter, you also get an email. However, I am 10 times more likely to just delete a Twitter email due to the fact that I get about 20 spammy add requests a day. Also? I don’t get it. You *have* my email address, why not use it? That being said, I know people had no idea that I feel this way so yanno, I’m not talking shit about anyone in particular, blah blah.

5. You assume that I will be there for you time and time again when you are hardly ever there for me. Okay so this one is pretty self-explanatory. If I am there for you over and over again through your life’s little earthquakes yet you cannot pick up a phone to ask if I am okay after surgery? Yeah. If this pattern continues time after time after time, the only thing left is to downgrade our friendship.

6. You make up stories because it’s easier for YOU not to tell me the truth. I do not fucking care what the deal is but lying to me is never ever ever okay. I’m not talking about bloggy type stuff where things are omitted for privacy either…whatever. In fact, I’d rather you just not tell me something rather than lie to me. But the thing that really gets my goat is when you are lying just because it’s easier for you. It pisses me off for the obvious reasons but also, it’s like you’re assuming that I am stupid enough not to know you are lying OR that you’ve ignored the fact that I’m very open and understanding.

7. You take advantage of me. Luckily, this one rarely happens. For me, it’s more about taking advantage of my generous spirit more than anything else.

8. You spill my secrets. I know this one sort of goes hand in had with number 3 however, more specifically, it’s when I make a point to say “okay NOBODY can ever hear about this” and yet you ignore it anyway. Of course, what is even worse is when you get mad at me then decide it’s time everyone knows my dirty secret. Guess what? We’re not bouncing back from that one.

9. You discount what is important to me. Let me just give an example for this one: I was talking to an agnostic the other day and she says to me, “Believing in God and Jesus is just stupid Hilary because you have no proof”. Look, I don’t care that she doesn’t believe in God but telling me that *I* am stupid for doing so? Wrong wrong wrong. You would actually be surprised to know that this is the one I come across the most often in my friendships. Well, one or two anyway.

10. You have poor hygiene. Okay yes, this was thrown in at the last minute but honestly, I can’t be friends with people who are unshowered and who haven’t brushed their teeth all week. You see, all I would be focusing on is not throwing up in my mouth so I would be a bad listener anyway!

How about you? What are some things that make a friendship toxic in your mind? And more importantly, do you stick to your guns and get rid of negativity or, like me, do you often try to ignore it and make it go away?

Pushing Daisies Is On Tonight Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Technology, Friendship, Snackie Snark | Comments (38)

September 29th, 2008

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about self-esteem versus insecurity and how they don’t always go hand in hand even though one would think so. I think it centers around the fact that I feel really good about myself right now…sticking to my diet, exercising a lot more, and actually losing weight. What amazes me is that I’m still pretty damned fat and will be until I take off an even more substantial amount of weight yet at the same time, I honestly like who I am. Do I have insecurities? Yes. Do I have low self-esteem? No. For me, it’s all in how I treat myself. People with low self-esteem tend to not only treat themselves poorly yet also let others treat them the same way.

While all of these thoughts were swirling around my head, I read this post by Suze (about someone in her past, not her wonderful husband) and it opened up a memory that I’d somehow forgotten…an important one. This is the memory of the day I traded myself in for a new model and the day that I learned that no one should dictate how much I do or don’t love myself.

It was a dark, warm summer night as Troy and I walked through downtown Sacramento, beer in hand. We’d left a party and sauntered in and out of a few bars before deciding to go back. He was beautiful and I’d had a crush on him since the day he walked into our hospital and joined our team working in the psychiatric ward. He had such a way with the patients and such a way with me. If he asked me nicely, I’d pretty much do what he wanted. I never noticed his hold over me until much later. Anyway, I’d been hitting on him all night even though that never got me anywhere. He thought of me as strictly a friend, yet being a young girl with not a lot of experience with real love, I was convinced that there were signs. You know how we women can see signs of mutual affection even when there are none? Yeah, that.

On this night, he seemed more affectionate than usual though. I saw a hint of flirtation in his eyes and caught a bit of lust in his smile. My stomach had a million tiny butterflies dancing around inside as he leaned me against a wall and kissed me. After several minutes, we came up for air and I asked, “Wow, what brought that on?”.

And he said to me, “I’ve never really been attracted to bigger girls but the more I drank the better you looked so I figured tonight I’d give you your chance. You know, while I’ve got my booze goggles on”.

He winked at me as if he were kidding, but he wasn’t.

In that instant, I knew that he didn’t really have any feelings for me, nor did he find me attractive. Part of me wanted so desperately to believe the wink that when he started to kiss me again, I went back for more. But then, *I* pulled away. Something inside my brain snapped and I walked away from him, tears streaming down my face, telling him to fuck off or some other random obscenity. As I almost sprinted to the Light Rail to make my way home, the tears turned into sobs and suddenly the further I ran away from him and the harder I cried, I felt lighter. A heaviness had lifted from my heart and my self-loathing and low-self esteem flashed before me

Within the next few months, I finally figured out that I deserved more out of life. I finally understood what it was like to walk with my head held high, no matter how chubby I was. My insecurities and imperfections still glared at me and yet, I kept acting as if I deserved more. I walked around with my head high and swung that ass like it was the cutest ass in the world. I pretended to like myself until I did. I pretended to be sexy until I was.

One day, about a year later, a guy named Brian walked into my life. When we started dating, he told me how he’d been attracted to me since the first day *I* walked into his workplace, full of smiles and larger than life. “The first thing I noticed about you is your confidence“, he said. “You walk around like you command the room, yet always make others feel as if you are warm and approachable”.

Yes indeed, that’s when it all turned around. That’s when I started to become “more than”. It also was the beginning of another story for another day…how the new Hilly came to be.

Flashback Kisses,
Me

Posted in Emotional Technology, Hilly's Insecurities, In The Past | Comments (31)

September 28th, 2008

Today I am keeping things really simple…no big story, no grand explanation. Nope, today is all about questions, answers and probably uh…salivating. Just copy the list of food items I’ve made below and give me YOUR answers, m’kay? Pretty please? With frosting on top? Oh hell, time for me to shush. Moving right along…

Let’s have fun with…

FOOD FAVORITES: FINDING OUT WHAT YOU LIKE!
What is your favorite…

Breakfast Food: French Toast (off diet) or scrambled eggs with salsa (on diet)
Pizza: Veggie or Cheese & Tomato
Ice Cream: Ben & Jerry’s NY Superfudge Chunk
Caffeinated Beverage: Coffee with lowfat milk and two yellows
Vegetable: Artichokes or squash
Fruit: I hate fruit however I will say apples or mango
Dessert: Tiramisu or super decadent chocolate cake
Fast Food Chain: Chick Fil-A
Store-bought Beer (or soda if you don’t drink beer): Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (Coke Zero)
Type of Cuisine: Mexican

BONUS: What kind of food are you the best at cooking/baking?
ANSWER: Italian food of all kinds. I make a kick ass baked ziti, lasagna, chicken cutlets parmesan, and cannoli.

Not Going To Cheat On My Diet Kisses,
Me

Posted in Snackie Sunday 2008 | Comments (40)

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